The Difference Between
by Life's Crash Test Dummy
Summary: They're friends because she coaches him on what to say when Payson's mad. They're friends because when Carter's near, he pulls her close and the jealous glares are too amusing. Nicky and Kaylie are friends. Sometimes it's just that easy or just that hard.
1. A Moment

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter One: A Moment**

It's a little frightening how easy it is for Kaylie Cruz to recall the first day she _thought_ she was in love with Nicky Russo.

It was his first day at the Rock. Nicky Russo was this intriguing, mysterious new guy. He wasn't exactly tall, dark hand handsome, a little stocky and a little pale, but cute. He didn't say much, didn't even smile or make any attempt at small talk. He made it clear that he wasn't here to make friends or join their little family that was known for their melodrama. Still, Kaylie kept stealing little looks at him all throughout the day.

Kaylie can just as easily remember the day she fell out of love with Nicky Russo. It was the very next day when she realized he was basically a male-version of Payson. The possibility flat lined and Kaylie hasn't thought about it since.

They were strangers for a long time after that as if there was some invisible barrier between them. Kaylie found her place in her fish bowl, swimming alongside Carter and her friends and gymnastics. His fishbowl was significantly smaller, just Nicky and gymnastics. He stayed on his self-proclaimed side of the Rock and Kaylie stuck to hers. Though she had other things occupying her time, Nicky's presence was never lost on her. Kaylie always noticed him sitting alone at lunch with his earphones and angry rock music. She'd stop to wonder if he ever regretted not making friends, but never once did she approach him.

It wasn't until the few weeks before Nationals that Kaylie finally noticed the little moments Nicky seemed to have with Payson. Kaylie's glad that she never told anyone about the little crush-at-first-sight she had for the person she thought Nicky was. It almost makes her laugh to think that for a split second she had this little girl dream that maybe this new guy would be her knight in shining singlet, when clearly the equations look more like:

Android + Robot = Happy Mechanical Family

Android + Kaylie Cruz = ERROR

Nicky looks at Payson in a way that suggests he might have actual emotions and of all people, Payson deserves that kind of attention from a cute boy. Kaylie also notices the way Payson pretends not to notice, but secretly looks back. It's an epic love in the making, Kaylie's sure. Also, it may be a bit selfish, but Kaylie's a little thrilled that in due time Carter and her won't be the only ones sneaking around the Rock. Not even gymnastics can kill young, forbidden love.

Then tragedy strikes.

Kaylie comes out of it with the gold metal, the prestigious title of National Champion, but a heart that barely beats thanks to her cheating bastard of a boyfriend and her lying skank of a best friend. It's a betrayal that rocks her to her very core and robs her of each and every one of her little girl dreams.

On the other hand, Payson comes out of it with no gold metal, no title of National Champion and a serious, terrifying back injury that takes her right out of the world of gymnastics. Though it seems as if all Payson has left is darkness, there is a shred of light, devastated and dedicated Nicky Russo unwilling to leave her side.

Sometimes, while she's lying alone in bed, staring up at her ceiling, Kaylie's able to confess that she thinks Payson got the better deal and it's heartbreaking that Payson can't see that.

From then on, she's no longer peppy, optimistic Kaylie Cruz. She's Kaylie Cruz, the liar.

She's a gymnast. She's been at the gym six days a week since she was five-years-old. All that training has prepared her for her newfound persona: Kaylie Cruz, the girl who tells lies to get through the day.

She lies to her parents, to Sasha, to everyone, really, when she says everything is okay now and that she's completely focused on her sport. She lies to Lauren when she says she doesn't miss her, to Payson when she says everything is going to be okay when clearly their once slightly dramatic yet considerably stable little world has gone to hell. She lies to herself when she says she's done with Carter and when Nicky Russo says she's undeserving of that gold metal, she convinces herself that he's wrong.

It's almost as if gymnastics has prepared her for this, the real world, better than any high school or even her parents could. It gives her the ability to paint on a darn convincing smile, not just when she's doing a routine on beam, but also through all this publicity, these meaningless interviews and photo shoots. She smiles like that perfect role model, the precious poster child they created her to be. She saves all the tears for when she's alone and in her car.

Honestly, Kaylie doesn't know how it happened, but from the rubble of the tragedy at Nationals, "Kaylicky" is born.

It's all sorts of embarrassing and one of those things in life that's inevitable and needs to put out of its misery in the least painful way possible. It's a shame Nicky can't see that and has to be a pretentious ass every time MJ has to play up their sudden popularity with the media. He's irritating and makes her feel like crap and Kaylie can't lie through this one. She needs to fight back.

It becomes this game where they one-up each other every chance they get. He refuses to escort her to the Hollywood party and brings Lauren instead. She kisses him on the cheek in front of all those cameras and he looks at her as if she literally makes his skin crawl. He almost decapitates her, practicing their floor routine and she explodes, finally letting it all out like she should have done weeks ago.

Then they're standing there, everything's out on the table and it feels…different.

"Look, I don't wish you were Payson, okay?" Nicky looks down for a moment, almost guiltily. Her words don't register to her at first. He has to be a liar too. Then he extends his hand towards hers and near whispers, "Truce?"

Kaylie takes a moment just to make sure this is real. "Truce."

From then on, it's as if all the broken pieces are stacked back together to form something of a picture. At least, it does when it comes to the two of them. There's no more hatred and no more fights. He actually listens to her and she stops referring to him as an "egotistical ass" behind his back. She may still be a brat and he may still be a bully, but they make it work.

As they both fly and flip down the length of the mat, it's like they're completely in synch. Kaylie knows where he is and what he's doing without even having to look. She tries not to laugh when he transform into that bull, using two fingers to signify horns, letting a little of his often well hid personality shine through. Kaylie surprises herself when she jumps into his arms and she doesn't anticipate the fall.

She actually trusts him. It's startling, really.

The performance ends and they get a standing ovation. Everyone is on their feet and cheering and this feels nice. Their matching smiles are undeniable as they embrace and that hug, it seals their agreement to be civil towards each other for now on. They don't need to talk about it. It's a wordless agreement. A promise.

Most likely driven by guilt, Nicky offers to help Kaylie with upping her level of difficulty.

The catch: she has to wake up earlier than usual.

And she does.

It's a surprise to the both of them that she arrives at the Rock even earlier than he does. Already dressed in matching sweats, Kaylie parks her silver Mercedes in her usual spot, lugging her gym bag behind her. Her hair is slicked back and in a high ponytail as it always is. When she finally realizes that her car is the only one in the lot, Kaylie groans.

She settles down on the curb, dropping her gym bag at her side.

It's a nice, cool morning. The sky is still dark blue, but a mixture of bright pink and orange outline the mountaintops. The sun starts to slowly grow in its intensity and yet the stars don't shy away. They're as bright as ever. Kaylie lies back, her spine stretched across the pavement as she stares straight up.

"Wow. She actually showed."

Kaylie would know Nicky's voice from miles away. He has that sort of Batman rasp.

"Did you call Payson yet?"

Nicky groans and slumps beside her on the ground.

She shoots him a look without getting up. "Nicky, seriously…"

"Why do I always have to be the one that calls her?"

"Because you're the boy," Kaylie says like it's that simple.

"I did call her like a million times after we got back from California," Nicky explains. He has such self-doubt and doesn't even know how to begin to hide it. Nicky in gymnastics mode is one thing, but Nicky outside the gym is a completely different kind of creature. "She's the one that didn't call me back. She's the one that doesn't want to talk about anything. Besides, she's probably busy with all those high school boys."

Kaylie can't help, but laugh. Nicky shoots her a glare almost instantly.

"I think gymnastics makes us socially retarded." Kaylie laughs again. "Don't you think?"

Nicky simply shrugs, grunting incoherently. Kaylie lays a hand on the solid muscle of his shoulder and tries to pull him backwards. Startled, Nicky jerks away and stares at her as if she's gone out of her mind.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Will you just humor me?" she asks. Her eyes shift from his handsome, chiseled face to the sky, still seeking out the stars in the midst of dawn. She can feel his eyes still on her, but a moment later, Nicky sighs and he lowers his back to the pavement, his body parallel to hers. Triumphant but trying not to look smug, Kaylie smiles and takes a deep breath.

He sighs again. "What are we looking at?"

"Orion's belt," Kaylie says smartly. She purses her lips. "Partly because it's all I know how to I.D."

Nicky chuckles humorously. "Orion was a giant huntsman, most handsome of the earthbound. As the story goes, he went out and got really drunk one night, caused all sorts of mayhem and was blinded as punishment. Luckily, he stumbled upon Hepha—Hephaestus, I think, who told his servant to guide Orion to the East where Helios, the Sun god, healed him. In gratitude, Orion carried the slave around on his shoulders."

"Wow, someone's a showoff," Kaylie teases.

Nicky laughs, "Well, I did have the best tutors my father's paycheck could buy."

Kaylie casts her eyes sideways and notices this certain sad quality to Nicky's eyes at the mention of his father. She never pushes or presses for him to tell her anything. That's the beauty of this thing they've got going on. There's no prying. He'll talk to her when or if he wants to. If he never does, they simply drop it.

"Wouldn't it be nice?"

"Hmm?" Wearing a quizzical expression, Nicky looks over at her.

"Wouldn't it be nice if the sun could actual heal us?" Kaylie wonders aloud. She thinks about her broken heart and Nicky thinks about Payson.

"Yeah, it would," Nicky nods. He gets to his feet and stretches his back, now basking in the strong rays of light that comes with the sun just peaking out over the mountains, greeting the city good morning. "Sadly, Princess, we live in the real world. More importantly, it may have made us socially retarded, but we live in the world of gymnastics."

Kaylie groans. "Do you really have to be such a know-it-all this early in the morning?"

"I only do it to impress you, Princess," Nicky jokes. Kaylie shields her eyes with her forearm and groans, knowing that it's going to be a particularly long day. Nicky allows her a moment to mentally prepare before he puts her through the hell of an actual dedicated-to-the-point-of-obsession workout. "Okay, enough of this. Come on. We better get to work before everyone else starts coming in."

Kaylie lies there, staring at his outstretched hand. She steals another moment, this time taking a breath and committing this to memory. It's important to her because this is Kaylie Cruz and Nicky Russo out of the hate stage and moving on to something more harmonious. It's the calm before the storm that is elite gymnastics training and she wants to stretch it as long as humanly possible.

When the moment ends, she lazily lifts her arm and his hand catches hers. It's then that it finally registers to the both of them that this is the beginning of a dysfunctional yet functional, paradoxical sort-of friendship.

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**Author's note: **Should I continue this?


	2. A Distraction

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Two: A Distraction**

To Nicky Russo, this friendship with Kaylie Cruz is just as unexpected as falling for Payson Keeler.

Then again, falling for Payson could have been predetermined if Nicky actually believed in fate and destiny and all that drivel men with no real careers spend their oh so precious time preaching about on street corners. But he doesn't and he has a real career so he doesn't bother with any of that. He gets lost in his thoughts sometimes, but then decides his contemplations are better spent perfecting his routine on the still rings and improving his dismount from the pummel horse.

Nicky doesn't know what to believe in. All he knows is that he's never met another human being that made him feel the way Payson does.

After all, Payson is just so much like him. She's focused and driven. She doesn't let the little things get to her and she's a complete natural when it comes to competition. They have the same goals (well, not so much these days) and a mind and heart and soul that bleed for gymnastics. Yes, there is a life after gymnastics, but they shouldn't be concerning themselves with such trivial things right now. The present is all they have and opportunities are scarce.

That's something he's been trying to teach Kaylie Cruz for weeks now.

Kaylie is the type of girl Nicky has always steered clear of. She's the type of girl that can (and does) have guys effortlessly wrapped around her little finger. All it takes is one of her room-brightening smiles and the bat of her long, dark lashes. Nicky's made up his mind some time ago. He isn't going to be one of those guys.

Then, when least expected, change creeps in.

"So, I, um, think we should talk about Payson…"

"You're distracted."

"You're _distracting_."

Nicky knows the awkward position they're in. It's an hour before anyone else usually shows up at the Rock. Nicky knows because this is his routine. He wakes up early so he has free reign over the practice space and doesn't have to worry about anyone getting in his way. He knows how some gymnasts (like himself) enjoy their personal space.

So why is he practically pinning Kaylie Cruz to the mat?

Honestly, not even Nicky knows anymore.

Even though they're "friends" now, it doesn't register in Nicky's head that him hovering over her like this might be a tad bit inappropriate. Her back is against the royal blue mat and she's beneath him. Their bodies overlap, his chest almost touching hers. He has a hand at each side of her and his toes are pressed into the mat between her ankles. He tells her to push him up, a sort of reversed push-up and Kaylie looks absolutely petrified.

"What's wrong with you?" Nicky questions, like he doesn't already know.

"Nothing," Kaylie answers. They're just frozen there. "What if Sasha walks in?"

"We're training."

"It might not look that way…"

"Just push me up, Princess."

Kaylie complies with her hands bracing the muscles of his chest. He doesn't go easy on her either. He tenses his body and presses down on her each time she pushes up on him. Her elbows bend and he lowers himself down on her before she pushes up again. Sometimes he even gets low enough that he can feel her breath on his skin, bringing about instant goose bumps.

Okay, so maybe this wasn't the best idea.

After the seventh or the eighth, they easily fall into this rhythm. It's kind of nice. Sometimes his skin accidentally brushes hers and a light blush colors her cheeks. Nicky tries not to show that he notices because saying something or even smirking would easily shatter this rather fragile friendship. Still, it is nice to know he can have that affect on even the untouchable, National Champion Kaylie Cruz.

It's sort of sudden, but Kaylie laughs.

Nicky blinks. "What's so funny?"

She smiles that bright, earth-shaking smile. "The tabloids would have a field day if they saw us like this."

"So would Payson and Carter," Nicky whispers. He feels her hands weaken against his chest and that smile quickly washes away. Inwardly, Nicky curses. He shouldn't have said anything. "Ten more."

"I can't, Nicky."

Nicky doesn't know if it's just him, but those three words, those ten letters, in this one moment, don't sound like they're just talking about practice. Without needing further explanation, Nicky gives her a little nod before he rolls off her and his back hits the mat beside her. His heart is racing and that too, Nicky doubts, is a byproduct of training.

They lie there for a long while, neither of them keeping track of the passing time. Nicky would usually be up and pushing her to start another one of his ridiculous training exercises, but right now he simply can't bring himself to move. This isn't something Nicky does often. This, pause in his day, taking the time to just breathe and be, it's something he only ever does with Kaylie.

"People are going to start coming in," Nicky says when he finally finds his voice.

"Yeah," Kaylie nods. She turns on her side and gives him a pointed look. "And since I know you oh so well, Nicky Russo, by people you mean Lauren and whenever she's around, you conveniently have to be on the other side of the gym. Why is that?"

His face crinkles in distaste with eyes squinting at her and he feels like a child again, not wanting to own up to what he's done. "Has anyone ever told you you're extremely annoying sometimes?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you can't answer a question with a question?"

"You just did."

"I'm a girl," Kaylie says. "You're a boy."

"It's nice to see you've got at least basic anatomy down," Nicky teases. He climbs to his feet and helps Kaylie up despite her groans of protest. "I think you've earned a break. Now I'm going to hit the horse before everyone gets here."

Kaylie sighs. "Are you really avoiding the question?"

Nicky grins. "Yes, and you'll let me get away with it anyways."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm just pacing myself," she tells him. She rocks back and forth on her feet, looking at him in a way that says he has a whole mastermind plan just waiting to be set in motion. "One of these days, Russo, you're going to spill all your deep dark secrets to me. Just watch."

"Is that so?"

"Oh yeah," Kaylie says. Her confidence never dwindles. "I have my ways."

Nicky flashes her one last smile and chuckles before he turns away. Deep down, there's a part of him that he's trying to repress, to control, but it keeps surfacing to warn him that she's right, that it's only a matter of time before she knows everything. This bond they've forged seems to be unraveling him layer by layer and Nicky can't help, but find that a bit scary. Even scarier, he realizes, is he's never had someone try so hard to get to know him before.

It surprises Nicky when he sees Kaylie go back to jumping up on those blocks, trying to increase her speed, perfect her balance and gain power. He expects her to lie down, sprawled out on the ground until Sasha really does come in and starts yelling. He expects her to check her messages on her phone or text away, but no, she goes on practicing even without him there to hound her. Who would have thought?

Even if he's seeing her in this new life, it doesn't mean Nicky's about to put her up on a pedestal. She's still Kaylie Cruz. With the intense (and a little too intimate) training that happened that morning, she thinks it gives her an excuse to go easy the rest of the day. She spends a lot of time chatting with Lauren, probably gossiping, really, and stealing these pathetic, hurt looks at Carter. It's sad. What's even sadder, Nicky decides, is how he notices.

He's always known about all the drama that goes on at the Rock, but never took a personal interest. The reason he drags himself out of bed to come here every day is to train. But then Payson gives him a cold brush-off in the parking lot and Nicky somehow finds himself at the center of the toxic Rock drama. Four words, eighth letters and one shattering moment, all currently on repeat in his head.

"_I met a boy."_

Needless to say, Nicky feels like crap and it isn't helping much that Kaylie finds his hiding spot. Admittedly, the weight room isn't much of a hideaway, but it's quieter than the main gym and no one was in there before Nicky set up camp. Still, Kaylie manages to find him and she just won't shut up even though Nicky is being distant and unresponsive. What is it that she can't shut up about?

Carter.

"And who does he think he is? If he honestly believes I don't see him moping around the Rock like some sad little puppy then he isn't just socially retarded, but _actually_ retarded. If anything, I'm the one that deserves to mope around and binge on chocolate, but I can't. Do you know why?"

"No." Nicky sighs heavily. "But I bet you're going to tell me right─"

"I'm the _National Champion_," she says. Her tone, to Nicky at least, sounds like a burden rather than the honor it actually is. He releases the weights and lets his eyes rest on the dark-haired girl currently pacing in front of him. "Everyone has standards and expectations of me─"

"Kaylie, shut up," Nicky breathes.

She stops, appalled. "Excuse me?"

Nicky stands. Running his fingers through his short, dark hair. Once he's in front of her, Nicky lays his palms on her tan shoulders, trying to get her to stop moving. Honestly, he's sure if he sees her start pacing again, Nicky's going to lose his mind.

She makes a face he can't quite understand. Kaylie cringes. "Your hands are sweaty."

"You're driving me crazy." Nicky isn't grabbing her or holding her. He just has his palms resting against the soft curves of her shoulders. Kaylie pouts, one of her signature looks, but Nicky remains unaffected.

"I thought we're over snapping at each other?"

Nicky groans. "We are, but if I hear you say _his_ name again, Princess, I swear I'll lose it."

A pause. Kaylie just stares up at him, eyes a little wide, pout still in place.

"Your hands are still sweaty."

"Your mouth is still moving."

It seems that this newfound label of "friends" hasn't erased their inclination to banter. There's still that underlying irritation. He's irritated by the fact that she won't shut up, her inability to focus and the only thing she's capable of ranting about is her jerk of an ex. She's irritated that Nicky Russo might be the only human being on earth that can resist her pout.

"Alright." Kaylie sighs. "I'll shut up. No more talking about him, I swear."

"Good." Nicky smiles, feeling like he's finally getting somewhere. He doesn't really thing about the way he lets his hands trail down her arms as they fall away from her shoulders or the way she seems to tense at his touch. Nicky just quickly turns away, his sights set on the weights, ready for another set of reps. It's only when he settles down on the bench that he realizes now it's _too quiet_.

Leaning back, Nicky knows he's going to live to regret this, but he looks over at Kaylie anyways. He's always been a guy that prides himself on wearing his mask properly, surrounding himself with ice, especially around competitors. Sitting here with Kaylie Cruz, he knows his mistake. He may be immunity to that pout of hers, but that frown is just a kick in the groin.

Nicky sighs. "Alright."

Kaylie shoots him a look. "Are you mocking me?"

"As fun as that is," he starts, grinning, "no. I'm not. I do have a proposition, though."

She lifts an eyebrow, apparently intrigued. "Explain."

"You have five minutes," Nicky tells her. He feels like one of those hosts on those stupid competitive reality television shows which he doesn't even watch because, one, they're stupid and, two, future Olympic contenders don't waste time on television. "Five minutes to talk all you want about him. Get it all out and I don't want to hear about Carter from you for the duration of our friendship."

Kaylie purses her lips. "Assuming we're really friends, that's a _long_ time, Nicky."

"Take it or leave it."

"How about no more complaining about Carter for the rest of the day?"

"Month."

"Week."

"Deal," Nicky says. It's silent for a moment, both allowing their brains to comprehend what just happened. They're the only two in the weight room and they're both glad for it. Not only is this conversation ridiculous, but it's also going to get all sorts of personal.

Nicky turns to her, an act that assures Kaylie she has his complete and undivided attention. He leans forward with his forearms resting on his thighs and he doesn't say anything more. He watches carefully as her eyes glaze over and she quietly begins from the start. She tells him about how good things were and how they're tainted and torn. Her eyes begin to tear and her voice starts to waver. Suddenly, Nicky's overcome with the desire to find Carter right this second and beat the crap out of him.

"Don't, Nicky," Kaylie says. Apparently that last thought was simply too powerful for Nicky to keep to himself. His fists form fists in anger and Kaylie lays a hand on his, an act of comfort or a warning to restrain him, Nicky isn't too sure which.

"Why not?" he wonders. "Don't tell me you still have feelings for the guy."

"Of course, I do. He's the first guy…but he's," she struggles to speak, "he isn't worth it."

Nicky tilts his head, knowing it's what always gets a girl's attention. "Say that again?"

Kaylie blinks, a bit confusedly. "What?"

"What you just said," Nicky reiterates. "Say it again."

"He isn't worth it," Kaylie says. Her voice is slow and unsure until a smirk lights up Nicky's face. She bites her bottom lip in an attempt to keep that smile hidden, but it doesn't work.

"Just remember that when he-who-shall-not-be-named tries to come around again, which we both know he will. Despite what I may have said in the past, both to your face and behind your back, you're a good person, Kaylie. You deserve a lot more."

"Wow, Nicky, that might have been the nicest thing you've ever said to me," Kaylie says. "I didn't know you were capable of compliments."

Looking away, Nicky just shrugs his shoulders, playing it off. He swings his legs over the bench once again and stretches his arms to the ceiling, flexing those perfect muscles. "And with that, Cruz, your five minutes are up."

"Alright," Kaylie says, finally with content in her voice. Nicky grasps the steel bar above his head when Kaylie asks, "So, how's Pay?"

Nicky sighs, his hands falling back to his sides. "I gave you five minutes, Kaylie."

"About _that guy_, Nicky," she says back, curling strands of her hair around a single finger. "Are we not going to take five minutes out of your oh-so-important workout to talk about the girl you for some reason won't call?"

"That's the plan," Nicky replies. Ignoring her downcast eyes, he continues his workout.

"You're no fun."

"Go be productive, Kaylie."

She does this thing where she reaches her hand out to him, but then second guesses the gesture and ends up awkwardly patting his shoulder. Nicky throws her a questioning glance, but she's already halfway across the room, heading for the door. Honestly, that girl might be the death of him, that is, if Payson doesn't get there first.

Pushing aside all thought of the women in his life, Nicky gets back to work. He doesn't think about anything other than the way his muscles contract and mentally pushes himself through the exercises. He feels the sweat slick on his skin, but pays it no attention. He's never been too concerned with appearances. After all, he did show up to a Rock soirée in a hoodie.

As if he couldn't get any more distracted, Nicky's startled by a, "Hey, man!"

His concentration shatters like fallen glass, complete with the disastrous sound when he accidentally lets go of the bars. The weights slam and Nicky feels as though all the posters and signs up on the wall, reminding the gymnasts to be kind to the equipment, is just there to mock him. Nicky turns to the source of the voice and it turns out to be Carter. Nicky doesn't hesitate to show his irritation and Carter smiles, either oblivious or faking it. Nicky doesn't say anything in return. He gives him a nod. To Nicky, it's a brush off, but Carter seems take it as an invitation.

"So there's nothing going on between you and Kaylie, right?" Carter wastes no time, just comes right out and says it. "I mean, you know the rules around here. I just wouldn't want anything to happen to her, to either of you, if Sasha were to find out."

Nicky rolls his eyes. Seriously, dude?

He feels the impulse to straight-out tell Carter that he's Team Kaylie and to get out of his face; however, with the training he's done all his life, he knows what strength of will looks like and practices it often. After all, he's a gymnast. Kaylie's a gymnast. If they didn't grow up with the discipline they did, something would have happened this morning during push-ups. It isn't luck that they didn't kiss and turn this entire "friendship" into one big, bleeding complicated mess. It's simply self-control.

"Well, you've seen the tabloids," Nicky replies. He isn't Lauren, all manipulative and whatnot. He probably should have went with the cliché: _we're just friends_. Although, considering how Carter played with Kaylie's head for months, he deserves a taste of his own medicine.

Carter appears perplexed. "Oh? What are you trying to say, Russo?"

Nicky shrugs. This is some great conversation. "It is what it is."

"You know, just because you're the men's _silver_ medalist, don't think you can call the shots around here," Carter warns him. He glares and puffs out his chest and Nicky tries not to laugh.

"Silver in the _nation_," Nicky is sure to add with pride. He might not have been proud of it at first, but after beating himself up over it for a few weeks, Nicky's come to terms with it. Also, it's more than Carter can say for himself. Shrugging, Nicky adds, "Kaylie was impressed." He stands, grabbing his nearby towel and wiping away the perspiration from his forehead. "At least I got to compete."

Carter is about ready to throw punches. "If you hurt her, Russo—"

"I don't think anyone can hurt her any more than you did," Nicky smoothly cuts in.

It's then that he looks past the glass walls to where Lauren and Kaylie are chatting by the water cooler. Kaylie talks animatedly about something though Lauren has her eyes on the two boys in the weight room. Nicky shakes his head. This love-square-thing really isn't something he wants to be apart of, but because he's still a bit wounded by Payson and it would make his day significantly better if he pissed off Carter, Nicky walks out of the room and over to the girls.

Sasha is nowhere in sight, which is a good thing, because Nicky wraps his arms around Kaylie from behind in an affectionate hug. Lauren's eyes widen and Kaylie stiffens and all of them know Carter is throwing a tantrum in his head right now. Nicky tries to hide his smile in the crook of Kaylie's neck, but the way it feels to hold someone in his arms and the sweet and salty scent of Kaylie Cruz only makes his smile widen.

"Whoa." Lauren teasingly clicks her tongue. "Should I start making those 'Team Kaylicky' tees now or save them for the wedding reception?"

Kaylie squirms and Nicky holds on tighter. In a hushed whisper, Kaylie demands, "What the hell are you doing, Russo?"

"You did good today." Nicky tells her that because it's just easier and true and sounds a lot less douche-y and less childish and less not-another-teen-movie than _I hate your ex and he's watching so let's give him something to watch_. Kaylie seems to relax in his arms and Nicky grins.

He knows, however, something's wrong when he feels her hand cover his and give a comforting squeeze. Kaylie somehow finds room to spin around in his arms and gives him this look that screams concern. "Nicky," she says so tenderly. "What happened?"

His face drops. Is he really that transparent? Nicky's always been honest with Kaylie and he isn't about to stop now.

"I, uhh, I tossed out my heart with the trash today."

He means it both figuratively and literally. Payson with surely never know that, but Kaylie, maybe. She looks at him and he can already feel those deep, dark secrets she mentioned earlier, trying to claw their way out.

This is definitely _not_ how Nicky imagined Valentine's Day.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hey! Don't read the rest of this if you haven't seen _Loves Me, Loves Me Not. _Wasn't it funny how the producers/writers/ABC Family just…sent Nicky to Denver without a legitimate explanation? Umm, okay, but…random? I was laughing because, well, they took the easier way out. Either that or they'll bring him back but it prolongs the storyline which is frustrating and Nicky Russo is admittedly one of the few good things about this show. Seriously, ABC Family? Hilarious.

Anyways, I wasn't expecting all this awesome feedback. Thank you so much!


	3. A Hand to Hold

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Three: A Hand to Hold**

"Things are weird between us, aren't they?"

"I don't know what you mean."

While Lauren and Emily are in the living room Payson is in the kitchen, waiting for the popcorn, and Kaylie sits across the island from her. The kitchen is awkwardly silent, disregarding the humming of the microwave and the little explosions of the cornels within. Kaylie looks all around the kitchen, trying to ignore how obvious it is that Payson is ignoring her in return.

Kaylie's never been too fond of confrontation unless her emotions (usually that Cruz rage) pushed her to. Payson has always been smart enough not to walk paths that lead to moments like these. It seems like having Nicky Russo in both their lives has changed all that.

"You know," Kaylie starts again just to pause. She doesn't understand why this is so hard. It's Payson. They've known each other since they were six and Payson started training at the Rock. This should be easy. "Pay, you won't even look at me. What's up?"

"Nothing," Payson answers. "Don't be ridiculous, Kaylie."

"Is this about Nicky?"

Payson flinches. It's a visible flinch. She reacts as if Kaylie just reached over and slapped her across the face. Payson doesn't do this. She's focused on her sport the same way Nicky is, but now she doesn't have gymnastics. She doesn't have that national title everyone said was hers from the get-go. Kaylie knows she isn't responsible for it, but she does feel a little guilty regardless. Though Kaylie has proudly said she's over love, that doesn't mean Payson has to be too. Payson should be happy any way she can.

"Has he not called you yet?" Kaylie asks. Payson doesn't say no, doesn't say anything, which is practically a yes. "What is he waiting for? The second I see him, I'm going to—"

"Kaylie!" Payson uses her authoritative voice she'd assume when Lauren and Kaylie get catty when they should be focused. "It's okay. Nicky isn't my boyfriend. You know, it'd be totally cool if you ever…"

"Wait. You think…Nicky and me?" Kaylie easily sees how Payson's eyes betray her words. She isn't okay. She's far from it. She's hurt. Payson doesn't have to react before Kaylie breaks out in a fit of hysterical laughter. Her eyes start tearing and her belly starts to ach.

Payson blinks. "Kaylie, are you okay?"

"Nicky and me? Really? Who put that idea in your head?" Kaylie asks even though it's hardly necessary. Both of them glance over at the living room where Lauren's gushing over the movie onscreen and Emily looks ready to shoot herself in the head. "God, you know how Lo can be, but, Pay, Nicky and me? Now that's ridiculous."

"I saw the pictures. The tabloids are raving about _Kaylicky_ and that dance you guys did at the open house," Payson argues. Kaylie just smiles, hops off her stool and starts moving towards her. "Then at the Rock…I just thought…"

"Especially considering what Lauren and Carter did to me, you really think I'd do that to you?"

Again, Payson doesn't answer and Kaylie swallows the knot in her throat.

"Nicky and I are friends, yeah," Kaylie confirms. She sees the disbelief on Payson's face and tries to think of the best way to explain this. "He's helping me train and I'm supposed to be helping him with you, but that obviously doesn't seem to be working. Seriously, we would kill each other and that doesn't sound like the best basis for a relationship."

Payson nods. "You have a point."

The microwave beeps four times and Payson goes to retrieve the bag. Kaylie stares after her, mentally debating whether she should say anything or not.

"He, um, he said you have a boyfriend," Kaylie says. _He also said he threw his heart out with the trash today_. But Kaylie decides some things are better left unsaid.

Upon hearing the words spoken, Payson freezes. Then she proceeds to shake it off like nothing happened. "Not so much. He didn't turn out to be the person I thought he was."

"Pay," Kaylie whispers sadly. She closes the space left between them and it's a hug Payson welcomes. For a brief moment, as they hug, Kaylie wonders if she's in too deep, playing both sides like this. Right now would be the perfect time for Nicky to burst through the front door, riding a white horse. A moment later, Kaylie's reminded that life isn't a movie or a fairytale.

...

"Dad, I don't have time for this. I should be training."

"And you think I have time for this, Nicholas? I'm scheduled to be in the OR all day."

Nicky slouches, an irritable expression on his face and arms crossed like an upset child. He stands by the window of this glass prison that's always been more of a home to his father than their actual house less than ten minutes away. His father, head of the Orthopedic Surgery department at the Boulder General Hospital, stands a little away from his son, also staring out the glass window.

Dr. Russo is a rather lanky, older gentleman with a head of full, salt and pepper hair and olive skin. There are creases in his forehead, evidence of stress, but it doesn't take away from his dark eyes and his strong, defined jaw—characteristics Nicky inherited. Dr. Russo's stare is intense, burning straight through his only son.

Nicky's never had the greatest relationship with his father. What else is to be expected from an aristocratic yet emotionally distant family like the Russos? With his mother gone and his father completely submerged in his work, Nicky turns to his sport. Gymnastics takes all his energy and all his time and all his focus. It doesn't hurt that he has a gift for it.

"How are your wrists?" asks the doctor.

"Fine."

"You are aware that if that girl tells anyone about the Cortisone, I could lose my license?"

"That girl has a name. Payson," Nicky hisses through his teeth. Sure, he can defend her to his father, but he can't even build up the nerve to call her. "And she won't tell anyone. Even if she does, I'm the one that forged your signature to get it. Just blame me."

"You think I'd let you take the fall for this?" his father questions. "Granted, you deserve whatever consequences come from this, but you're my son, Nicky. Your name and your picture is on the newsstands. You can say goodbye to ever representing team USA at the Olympics. No, I wouldn't let you do that."

Nicky wants to believe all this is coming from a genuine place, but when it comes to his dad, he's learned that making assumptions like that only leads to disappointment.

"You don't have to worry. Payson won't talk."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I'm sure."

"But how—"

"Dad, trust me," Nicky says. His father pauses a moment, trying to peel off his layers and see beneath the stony exterior Nicky's built up over time. It's an unnerving feeling, having to stand there and be judged so blatantly.

"You've been getting calls from Denver," Dr. Russo mentions.

Nicky inwardly groans. He thinks back to how he was ready to break down to Kaylie, to tell her about how Payson basically rejected him on Valentine's Day. He thinks back to how she was so eager to hear, but then Sasha conveniently came by and screamed for all of them to quit standing around and get back to work.

He wants to think that whole scene in the parking lot with Kaylie staring a bit quizzically at the flower petals in the shape of a heart on the hood of her car is nothing but his imagination. He wants to think he dreamt up their little discussion about how they could never be. He wants to forget mentioning Denver because after that Kaylie launched into a lecture about how that's the dumbest idea she's ever heard. He wants to think he called Payson that night. He wants to forget how he chickened out.

"You're old enough to make your own decisions, son, but hear me out," his father pleads. "Maybe going to Denver wouldn't be so bad. You seem distracted lately and it wouldn't hurt if you maybe distanced yourself from the Rock until all the media attention with the girl—_Payson_—blows over."

"Dad—"

"Just food for thought, Nicholas. I won't drag you kicking and screaming," Dr. Russo says. He straightens the creases in his white lab coat before heading towards the door. "Not to mention, your old friend, Kelly Parker, trains at Denver Elite."

Groaning, Nicky follows after his father. "I wouldn't call us _friends_."

Dr. Russo chuckles. "Have a good day, Junior. It was nice seeing you."

Nicky grits his teeth. "You too."

Dr. Russo flees with his white lab coat whooshing behind him like he's a superhero or something. Nicky remembers a time where he was little and actually thought his father ran in the same league as Superman. Now all he sees is a workaholic, a shell of the man he once was, a coward that buries himself in his work because he's been hurt.

Nicky promises he won't turn out like that. As he searches for the nearest exit, Nicky notices a new text message in his inbox.

_Where were you today? What happened to training? Sasha has been on my ass about this Double Arabian so do you know who I had to train with? Carter! Thanks a lot, Android._

Nicky purses his lips and texts back. _I was busy._

Her reply comes at an alarmingly fast rate. _You're lucky I'm in a good mood._

Nicky rolls his eyes. _Brought about by Carter? Barf._

Nicky shoves his phone into his back pocket and makes his way through the hospital that was once his playground. He smiles kindly at the passing, familiar faces and finally gets to his car when he gets her next text message and his eyes nearly pop free from the socket.

_We're going to prom!_

His thumbs move rapidly. _We?_

_It's a group thing, supporting Pay. It's her first prom. You should come too._

Nicky gulps and doesn't reply. How awkward would it be to go to prom with that little dysfunctional group? Nicky likes Payson who might or might not have a boyfriend and also thinks that Nicky likes Kaylie who was cheated on by Carter with her best friend Lauren who likes Carter and has potentially career-ruining information on Nicky? Add in a prom scene and it sounds like a synopsis for a bad teen movie.

Nicky decides to skip out on going to the Rock today. He can train at home, go for a jog even and hopefully clear his head. Sasha and the trainers probably won't be happy with him missing in action, but Kaylie's newfound super power of getting him to do anything with that smile is far more dangerous.

...

"Oh my God, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Oh my God, you're naked!"

Kaylie holds the pink fabric of her dress to her breasts and stares at Nicky through the mirror of her room, watching as he instantly goes red and quickly covers his eyes like a bumbling mess. Kaylie's certain all he really saw was her bare back, the clasps of her hot pink bra and the wing-like arches of her shoulder blades. He doesn't see anything at all, really. That's why Kaylie smiles at his nervous, bumbling state. She never thought words like 'nervous' and 'bumbling' would ever be used to describe the gym's resident arrogant jerk.

"Can you put some clothes on, please?" he nearly begs.

Kaylie laughs. "Why are you crawling through my window, Peeping Tom?"

"Kaylie," he says her name with such annoyance. "You think we could have this conversation when you're not practically naked? Please?"

With a sigh, Kaylie narrows her eyes. "Are you sure you aren't looking?"

Nicky scowls. He turns in a full circle so he's facing the window. "Happy, Princess?"

"It still doesn't mean you aren't a Peeping Tom," Kaylie teases. Her hands release the material of her dress and the fuchsia fabric pools at her ankles. Kaylie glances up and sees Nicky shifting his weight from foot to foot in nervous anticipation.

It's only then that Kaylie realizes she's standing here, practically naked in front of Nicky Russo. It isn't exactly how she imagined her prom night ending. Her heart hammers in her chest and her mouth goes dry. Kaylie's almost afraid that he can hear it from his spot across her room. She feels those butterflies, wings clacking against her ribcage. It's a feeling she's come to associate with Nicky.

"You done yet?" he asks impatiently. She almost takes a step towards him.

But the shout of Payson stops her.

_You're not Lauren_, she reminds herself. _You're not your mother._

Kaylie isn't about to give in and use something as petty as mere attraction ruin something that so obviously has such Happily Ever After potential. She may not believe in love anymore, but it doesn't mean Nicky and Payson shouldn't. That's why Kaylie reaches for her robe and wraps it tightly around her. She isn't a believer, but she sure as hell isn't going to be a hypocrite either.

"Alright," Kaylie sighs. She plops down on the corner of her bed. "It's all rated PG in here again. Walt Disney might as well have written it."

Nicky follows the sound of her voice and turns ever so slightly. Almost in slow motion, he opens one eye first as if to test the waters and eventually the second one follows. When he has his proof that she's actually telling the truth, Nicky turns towards her and relaxes his shoulders. That's when Kaylie realizes what he's wearing.

"I hate to admit it, but you really do clean up nicely." Kaylie gives him a nod of approval. She looks him up and down from his slightly ruffled hair, down the lapels of his tuxedo jacket, the loose material of his black slacks and finally his Italian leather shoes. "Hmm, only problem, Russo, you're about five hours too late." Sighing, Nicky sits down on the opposite corner of her bed. His eyes are downcast. Kaylie frowns. "Nicky—"

"She looked beautiful, didn't she?" Nicky smiles softly, almost to himself. "And she didn't have to wear the brace. It was like a totally different Payson. I—I don't think I've ever seen her so happy."

Kaylie feels her chest tighten. She doesn't want to rob him of his hope, but she doesn't want to lie to him either. Truth be told, Kaylie's known Payson Keeler for a long time now and tonight when everyone was chanting her name, the expression on Payson's face was at its brightest. She's a real example of picking up broken pieces and creating something whole. Kaylie has never felt such stinging envy in her entire life. She's never been so happy for Payson either.

"I told the girls at the table outside that I was surprising Payson because I really needed to make up for Valentine's Day. They thought it was romantic or whatever and let me in." Nicky laughs bitterly. His voice is pained and his expression is dark. "Seems like I wasn't the only one with that idea. That skinny kid, he's the boy she was talking about, huh?"

"He isn't her boyfriend or anything," Kaylie says. It seems so random, desperate even.

Nicky tries to smile, but it doesn't quite work. "Thanks for trying."

"Why didn't you cut in?"

"Because that worked so well with Carter, you and that random dude." Nicky scowls. He looks over at Kaylie's shocked face and groans before his back hits her bed. "Yeah, I know, stalker detail. I just couldn't watch Payson with that kid anymore. I just…"

"No. It's fine," Kaylie says. She lies back until she's parallel to him, but instead of staring up at the sky or the ceiling of the Rock, they're staring up at hers. It seems to be their thing and neither of them complains. "Carter and I are over for good."

"Really?"

"Really." Kaylie pauses to take a breath. It feels so good to say it out loud. "He's moving on."

"And you?" Nicky tilts his chin and finds her face.

"I realized I have bigger dreams than being Carter Anderson's girlfriend," Kaylie says with such certainty just for it to dissolve with a laugh. "God, do I sound like a Taylor Swift song or what?"

"More like Taylor Swift's entire album," Nicky teases. She gives him a quick shove.

"You listen to Taylor Swift's entire album, Nicky?"

He scowls. "God, no, but the girl specializes in writing songs about douche bags that cheat on her. I'm pretty sure if you've heard one you've heard em' all."

Kaylie can't fight a smile. Who would have thought she'd be here, leading this completely platonic and real friendship with Nicky Russo, her in her bathrobe, him in a tuxedo, as they talk about Taylor Swift of all things? It almost seems unreal.

"It's too bad we didn't really get to enjoy prom." Kaylie sighs.

"We're elite gymnasts. I don't think we were meant to," Nicky points out. "The band was pretty good though. How do you think the lead singer get his hair like that?"

"I was thinking the same thing!" Kaylie squeals. "It defies gravity."

Nicky feels compelled to mention how Lauren dragged Carter out of the ballroom and into the hallway multiple times, but they're so content, lying here together, that Nicky would rather die than ruin it. Instead, he stares up at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on Kaylie's ceiling. He finds it typical. After all, he doesn't call her "Princess" for nothing, but he also finds them oddly comforting. It makes him feel like a little kid again and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

"I'm sorry you didn't get your dance with Payson." Kaylie brings him back to the present.

"It's life. We can't all have perfect little moments." Nicky turns slightly, repositioning his shoulders on a pillow. His face tilts so his eyes are focused on hers. "Do you…I don't know…wanna dance?"

Hearing his request, Kaylie also shifts and looks at him a long time. He looks like he's trying to play it cool, play it off, but his shoulders are tense and his eyes are way too intense. Kaylie's lips slowly slide into a smile and she giggles. It doesn't take long for Nicky to join her with husky chuckles as he slides his fingers through his short, dark hair.

"Wow. It seems Lauren isn't the only one that wishes life was a John Hughes movie."

"Shut up, Cruz," he rasps. "Stupid idea?"

"No," she says. He suspects it's a lie. "Cheesy, yes. Cliché, definitely. Stupid? No. I just think you're asking the wrong girl." Kaylie shrugs before staring back up at the ceiling.

"So you think Payson is the right girl?" he asks. Nicky sounds genuinely curious.

Kaylie takes a deep breath. "As much as I think you two need to really talk, I'm not about to cheerlead your relationship…like Lo is apparently doing with us."

Nicky chuckles. "The girl's definitely persistent. I'll give her that." He moves again and looks into Kaylie's eyes. "You think Lauren's on to something? You think me and you…would ever…"

It's startlingly silent for a moment before both start laughing. She moves her head to rest on his shoulder and Nicky relaxes against the cotton sheets beneath them.

"Stupid idea?"

"No," Kaylie says with a wistful sigh. "Just wishful thinking."

Her fingers perfectly fit the space between his and they both wonder why life can't be as simple as this.

* * *

**Author's note: **You guys are amazing with all the review and feedback and love! I thought I'd update early since I won't be able to this weekend. This chapter isn't my favorite, but it has its moments. I don't know. I want your opinions though.

As for _Save the Last Dance, _I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. Surprisingly, I found the interaction between Carter/Lauren amusing, oh Payson seemed so happy and I'm proud that Kaylie finally deleted that picture from her phone. The John Hughes references were golden. Lastly, Razor has awesome hair. He really does.


	4. An Offer

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Four: An Offer**

With Payson out of the Rock and in school, Nicky finds it difficult to get any face time with her at all.

He's always felt uncomfortable just talking to Payson when her teammates or her parents were in close proximity. Now that she's stuck in school and has little need to hang around the Rock, Nicky hardly sees her. Even on the rare occasion that she is there, Payson's usually chatting with the girls or with Sasha or sticking close to her mother. The most interaction they've had all month is these short yet somehow meaningful glances across a room.

Yes. Nicky's a coward and he can accept that, but when he sees that doorway, he dives for it.

"Hey Becca."

Nicky plasters on that infamous, charming grin of his. It's the one he saves for when Payson's nearby or maybe the NGO. He looks at the young, junior gymnast and with the stare she sets on him it appears she finds his grin neither charming nor welcomed. It makes Nicky mentally curse, seeing how she can obviously see through him. It seems she's more of a genius than a gymnast.

Becca Keeler sits on the curb outside the Rock. Her gym bag is at her side and she's dressed in simple sweats. Her hair that appears brown with highlights of blonde is pulled back in a high ponytail, which seems to be a trend with female gymnasts. From what Nicky's seen and heard, Becca isn't much of a serious gymnast. The glow in her eyes is more of fun and glee than dedication and passion. Then again, being Payson Keeler's little sister, it's no wonder why she doesn't even bother.

"Hey," she says. Her voice is so young and innocent, but her eyes are cautious.

Nicky nods to the emptying parking lot. "It's getting late. Do you have a ride?"

"My grandma's supposed to pick me up," she responds. Her eyes move to the deserted road and her shoes shift anxiously in the gravel. "She probably forgot again."

"This happens often?"

"It's the third time this week." Becca sighs. "I wouldn't blame her though. Everyone at home's pretty preoccupied. With everything that's going on with Payson…"

Nicky's ears perk. Becca's eyes glaze over like she's just made some horrible mistake.

"Never mind," she finishes abruptly.

Nicky's shoulders rising just for them to dramatically fall. He twirls the metal ring of his keys around and around on his finger, staring out at the sky with pink splashes on the horizon, appearing even more brilliant with the approaching darkness. The streetlights suddenly turn on and another car pulls out of its stall. As exhausted as he is, Nicky can't just drive home and leave Becca here without seeing to it that she gets home safely. It isn't right.

"Why don't you call and if your grandma hasn't left to pick you up yet then I'll take you home," Nicky offers. Becca looks up at him from her spot on the curb and Nicky hopes he doesn't come off as a creep. Her mother knows him. At the very least enough to know he's the furthest thing from that Mr. Harvey character in the _Lovely Bones_.

"I'm not stupid, you know," Becca says. "If you want to know about Payson, just ask."

Nicky fights a reaction. Damn, she's good.

"Okay, you caught me," Nicky admits. He puts his hands up to show her he means no harm and his eyes stare off into the distance once more. "It's still an added bonus to get you home safe. This is no place for a kid to be hanging out after dark. Need a phone?"

"No, I've got mine." Becca easily slides back the zipper of her gym bag and riffles through it, finally pulling out her cell phone. Nicky cringes when he sees the little device and how every inch of it is covered in pink rhinestones.

As Becca dials home, Nicky sits on the curb beside her and looks out at the nearly deserted lot. Sasha's truck is still there (along with his tin can model home) and Summer's little Prius is there too. One lives there and the other is used to staying late whether it's to take care of the business side of the Rock or to supervise if any of the gymnast request extra mat time. Lauren's silver convertible is parked in its usual spot and Carter's Jeep is across the way. But where's Kaylie?

Come to think of it, he hasn't seen her all day. It's also probably why he got so much done and why he's so tired. They've somehow picked up this routine of going in to practice before everyone showed up in the morning, eating lunch together and chatting before going their separate ways home. Surprisingly, she wasn't there, early this morning so he went on training without her. When he took his lunch break she was out on the mat, probably making up for the time she missed this morning. Now, Kaylie's car is gone.

He whips out his cell phone. What's he supposed to say?

_Are you okay? Are you mad at me? What's up, home dawg?_

Just imagining her possible, teasing replies makes him shake his head.

_Hey. Just because you can nail a Double Arabian doesn't mean you're too cool to train with the rest of us, y'know?_

It's very casual, very nonchalant, very Nicky Russo. He clicks send.

"Mom wants to talk to you," Becca says. Nicky thrusts his phone into the pocket of his hoodie and takes Becca's. Nicky expects this to be awkward and, well, it is. Mrs. Keeler gushes about how she's sorry if this is an inconvenience and Nicky assures her that it isn't any trouble and he's a very safe driver. She thanks him and Nicky hands the phone back to Becca.

"Alright. Let's go." Nicky nods over to his SUV and stands.

"I was right. Grams forgot _again_." Becca rolls her eyes and follows Nicky through the parking lot. "Mom says Grams is sitting in front of the TV watching her Spanish soaps as we speak and mom and dad are having one of their 'discussions' with Payson."

"She's old." Nicky shrugs. "It happens."

Becca blinks. "Aren't you older than Pay?"

"No, I mean, I…I meant your grandma," Nicky corrects. He unlocks his car with the click of a button and easily pulls the passenger door open, motioning for Becca to hop in. "Once, my grandparents took me and…um, a friend to Chuck E. Cheese, the one in Littleton, and they left me there."

Becca deadpans. "How sad."

"No kidding." Nicky shuts her door and goes to take his rightful spot behind the wheel. He instructs Becca to put on her seatbelt and she rolls her eyes. While she's strapping in, Nicky glances down at the screen of his phone. No new text messages. He sighs and starts the car.

It's then that Nicky realizes he has no idea where the Keeler house is. As long as he's known them, Mr. Keeler with that infectious smile, Mrs. Keeler who simply radiates maternal affection, Payson and her passion and Becca with her adorable albeit bratty tendencies, he's never been to their house. He's been to Kaylie and Lauren's mansions for meetings and parties, but never Payson's. He has to resort to letting the youngest Keeler to navigate.

"Why haven't you asked yet?"

Nicky raises both brows. "Asked what?"

"About Payson," Becca says. Her sigh comes out quite irritable. "That's why we're here. That's why you're doing this. Lately, the only reason anyone wants to talk to me is to ask about Payson. Go ahead. Fire way."

Nicky can't help the way his lips turn down in a frown. It must not be easy, being second born to the Great Payson Keeler, always having to play second fiddle, to grow when there's always that epic shadow looming over her. With the way he father already treats him, Nicky couldn't imagine what it'd be like if he had any younger siblings.

"No." Nicky glances her way. "I wanna know what you think."

Becca's eyes go wide. "Me?"

Nicky nods. "How are you taking all of this?"

He's patient while Becca organizes all the thoughts in her head. She stares down at her toes and picks at a loose thread on her gym bag strap. He takes the appropriate turn into what seems to be one of Boulder's middle-class suburban neighborhoods. He waits for Becca to speak or for his cell phone to buzz, but neither happens despite his desperation.

"I can't complain," Becca finally says after a few minutes of contemplative silence. "Everyone's worried about Payson and sometimes I do too so I just think about that whenever Grams forgets to pick me up or dad comes home but never spends any time with me, too busy with Payson and the doctors. Mom's scared and so is Grams, but Payson's the strongest person I know. She's gonna be okay, right, Nicky?"

"Right," he confirms. "You know, I think it's pretty cool how smart you are. I doubt I would have understood when I was your age."

This makes her beam. "Girls are just smarter. It's science."

The two share a laugh and Becca instructs Nicky to take another right, a left after that and then to start slowing down because they're coming up to the Keeler house. Looking over at him with curiosity, Becca asks, "Are you dating Kaylie Cruz?"

In movies and on TV, this is the part where Nicky would be taken by surprise, the car would suddenly swerve out of control, Becca would scream, horns would honk in the background and Nicky would blame it on the imaginary lost dog that darted out into the street. Instead, Nicky stays in complete control and no such accident takes place. His jaw just tenses and his fingers tighten on the steering wheel till his knuckles go white.

"We're friends," Nicky replies. He does, however, mentally question, if that's changing along with everything else. It sounds like such a line, even to him. "Plus, you know the rules around the Rock, Becca. Elite gymnasts don't date. It's a conflict of interest."

"A what of what?"

Nicky shakes his head, but smiles. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know," she admits. "I see you hanging out with her a lot lately and…I used to thinking…never mind. Forget I said anything. My house is that one over there with the green roof."

Nicky wants to think Becca was going to mention Payson. _I see you hanging out with her a lot lately and…I used to think…that maybe you and Payson liked each other or at least Payson liked you. _Nicky wants to think those are the words that would come out of Becca's mouth if only he were the type who presses and probes till he gets what he wants. Instead, he lets it drop and turns into the driveway of said house with the green rooftop.

After shutting off the engine, Nicky jumps out of his SVU, taking Becca's gym bag for her, the pink strap slung over his shoulder. Nicky walks her to the front door like the gentleman he can sometimes be.

"Thanks for the ride, Nicky."

"Sure thing. It was like a ten, fifteen minute drive anyways."

"No, I mean, about what you said," Becca corrects. Nicky stops, sneakers on mat that spells out _welcome home_. The youngster looks up at him with a light in her eyes. "No one ever asks about me."

Nicky doesn't know what to say so he doesn't say anything. He does manage a halfway genuine grin before his knuckles rattle against the wood of the door. They wait a while and Nicky knocks again. When the door squeaks open, Nicky is ready with his smile he reserves for adult figures when he sees Payson with her blonde hair in a braid, hanging over her shoulder.

"Hey, Pay! Bye, Nicky!" Becca says airily. She tugs the strap of her gym back off Nicky's shoulders before she breezes past her sister, disappearing into the house.

It's silent as Nicky watches Payson watch him. He feels that nervous jittery feeling in his leg and it's as if he can't keep still. He can't read her expression as she stares right into his eyes and Nicky's brain screams for him to say something, anything. He suddenly wishes Kaylie would answer his damn texts so he could ask for advice and she could coach him through this. Then it strikes him. Why is he thinking of Kaylie?

Payson finally breaks the silence herself. "Hey, Nicky."

"Hey," Nicky says back. He hopes she can't see through the cool façade he instantly adopts. He gives her a quick one-over and his lips tug to the side in a smile. "I see you're out of that brace."

"How observant of you." Payson laughs. Is she teasing him? Is Payson Keeler _cheery_?

"Someone seems to be in a good mood," Nicky says. "What's the occasion?"

Payson throws a quick look over her shoulder before joining Nicky outside and closing the front door behind her. She moves over to the porch swing and she lets her fingers lingering on the metal chains that hold it up. Nicky tentatively takes a seat beside her, wondering if they're ever going to talk about the way she's been avoiding him like the plague and he's been lurking in the shadows of her new gymnastics-less life.

"If I tell you something you can't tell anyone," Payson warns him. There's a gentle breeze that first touches Nicky's disheveled, dark hair before catching the gold strands that stray from Payson's braid. It only reminds Nicky of how long they've been apart. It makes him determined to memorize every detail about her and slowly yet surely, he drinks it all in.

"Who would I have to tell?"

"Hmm, I don't know…" Payson obviously plays dumb and Nicky smiles because she isn't very good at it. "Kaylie, maybe."

Nicky goes ridged at the mention of the girl who somehow sneaks into his head. He's then hit with a wave of confusion when there's no malice or suspicion in Payson's voice like he'd been expecting. There's this light in her eyes, similar to her sister's yet different at the same time. It's an almost child-like glee, an excitement that overcomes all else.

Nicky scratches the back of his head. "Yeah, we're friends."

"I'm glad," Payson says. She sounds sincere in the way that Payson always does. "Kaylie and I talked." Nicky freezes. Kaylie and Payson talking about him sound disastrous. "It's nice to know you two aren't clawing at each other anymore. As if Sasha doesn't have enough to worry about."

Nicky breathes a sigh of relief. This is surprisingly easy and nice. He can't believe he hasn't called her sooner. If he did, things could have been better sooner. He could have spent Valentine's Day with her and brought her to prom. To be honest, Nicky's almost giddy at the idea of the future.

"Now what's this secret of yours?"

"There might be a way for me to compete again," she says. She's animate as she repeats everything her parents had told her the night after she got home from prom. She talks about how excited she is and how she's ready to try anything. She mentions how the procedure is experimental and there's a chance things can go wrong, but she pays little attention to any of the scary stuff, focusing on the future rather than the present. Nicky just sits there, taking it all in.

"We could have it back." She ends her enthusiastic monologue, excitedly grabbing Nicky's hand and giving it a tight squeeze. She looks into his eyes and he's having trouble looking back. "At the 2012 Olympics it really could be you and me, matching gold metals. That's the dream, right?"

He doesn't immediately answer, just watches her smile dim.

"Nicky," she calls to him. He feels so far away. "Aren't you going to say something?"

"What are the odds?" he asks quietly. "What are the odds that something could go…wrong?"

He sees how excited she is, but then he remembers how she was when they got back from California and that doctor, one of the most brilliant in the nation, a close friend of his father, told her there was no way she could go back to gymnastics. He remembers how she fell into that dark, downward spiral. It nearly killed her then. What's going to happen this time, if something goes wrong with the surgery? He couldn't help her then so how's he expected to if it all falls apart again?

"Payson, I'm only thinking about you—"

"Then why can't you be happy for me?" she snaps. Her hand leaves his.

"I don't want anything to happen to you."

"It won't."

"Payson–"

"I have nothing to lose," she says. "You don't understand. You can't possibly know what it's like. You can still train and I can't You have no idea what I'm going through right now."

As much as her words sting, Nicky knows she has a right to feel that way. Payson may be filled with hope, but she's letting it cloud her judgment and she isn't weighing her options right. Nicky remembers how he played cheerleader to her cortisone campaign and look what that led to. If their roles were reversed, he'd want her to be his reality, not fuel fruitless dreams.

"I do believe in you." He sighs. "I believe in you more than I believe in myself sometimes, but this is insane. You can walk. You're getting a real education. You've got friends. You're happy. Why would you chance all this good just for another shot gymnastics? To what, play the game another couple years, then what? Gymnastics isn't a life-long career, Pay. You know that. Is it really worth it?"

"If you don't already know the answer to that then you don't know me at all," she says through gritting teeth. "Thank you for driving Becca home. I think you should leave, Nicky."

"Payson, I'm just trying to—"

She walks away before he can even finish his argument. The sound of the front door slamming is one that will haunt him for the rest of the night. Before Becca or Mrs. Keeler can come out ask questions, Nicky returns to his car and drives off. It's dark out and all Nicky really wants is to go to bed. His body aches and he's emotionally spent. He needs rest.

He drives up to one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in Boulder, elevated so the rich can look down on all the rest. When driving to the Keeler's, playing Good Samaritan, Nicky didn't know what to expect. At least, when he goes home there aren't any surprises. He knows exactly what he's driving to and after the day he's had, for once he isn't going to be disappointed.

Nicky expects darkness. If his father isn't still at the hospital, pulling a double shift or sleeping in an on-call room, he's either passed out in his bed by now or locked away in his office. Nicky expects a house with three floors and five rooms. He expects to park his car in the garage, next to his mother's old Jaguar that hasn't seen the light of day in years. He'll drop his things at the door, get ready for bed and just lie there until sleep finally takes him in. It's a typical night for Nicky Russo, except it's not.

When he nears the giant gate in front of his long driveway, there's a figure in his headlights. She's clad in sweats and has her arms wrapped around herself, probably huddling for warmth. A frown is etched into her face and her eyes are darker than usual. Automatically, Nicky knows something isn't right. He slows to a stop and gets out, leaving the car running.

"Kaylie, what are you doing?"

"Wow, Android, you look like hell." Kaylie laughs. Her voice is rough and raspy as if she's been crying. By the puffiness that surrounds her eyes, Nicky wouldn't doubt it. He also wouldn't doubt that he really does look like hell. It seems he isn't the only one who had a shitty day.

"I could say the same for you," he says quietly. "I tried texting you."

"My phone's dead."

"Where's your car?"

"I ran here."

"You ran here?" Nicky repeats with disbelief. "In the dark?"

"Right. Not one of my brightest ideas," she sniffles. At this rate she's going to get sick, catch a cold or something. It's a known fact that illness and gymnastics aren't much of friends.

Nicky nods to his car. "What were you thinking?"

"I could really use a friend right now," she whispers. Nicky pulls off his coat and slides it over her shoulders as she climbs into his car and cranks the heater up to maximum. Nicky gently slams the door after her and makes his way back around to the driver's side.

"Kaylie, your parents are probably looking for you."

Her eyes darken at the mention. "Yeah, I seriously doubt that, Nicky." Her eyes move towards him and the way she looks at him solidifies Nicky's observation that this is a side of her he's never seen before. It's heartbreaking just seeing her like this and not knowing what caused it.

"You need a place to stay for tonight?" he asks.

Kaylie looks at him, shocked, as if he's reading her mind. "Are you offering?"

"I'm not turning you away," Nicky says. It's his sort of twisted way of saying yes and Kaylie seems to get that because she attempts a smile. Nicky hits a button and the black gate starts receding so the SUV can make its way up the long driveway to his empty house. The mansion is in sight, looking as dark and cold as ever. "So you ready to exchange war stories?"

Kaylie almost looks nauseous. "I'm tell you now, you aren't winning."

"I saw Payson today," he says. Nicky wishes he could have kept his voice from cracking or the hurt from showing in his eyes. He parks his car in the garage and shuts off the engine. He sighs loudly and stares forward. So does Kaylie.

"Why don't you sound happy?"

"Because I'm not."

"Well, think of it this way," she purses her lips, "at least your mom didn't cheat on your dad with your old gymnastics coach and ask you to keep it a secret for months." Kaylie's eyes narrow into the dark and yet again Nicky's at a loss for words. "She finally told my dad today. He freaked and I just…I needed to get out of there."

"I don't blame you," he whispers. If anything, Nicky Russo is honest. He gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "C'mon, there's this waffle iron in the kitchen that's never even been touched before. I say we salvage what's left of the day."

"Do you know how many calories there are in waffles?"

"No, but I can Wikipedia it later," Nicky answers smartly. "Live a little, Princess."

Nicky slides out of his seat and shuts his door before going over to the other side and opening Kaylie's door for her. She looks so miserable and uncertain, sitting there, reluctant to follow. "What are you doing, Nicky?"

He flashes her a bright smile. "Doing what I do best. Being distracting."

He holds out his hand and after a mere second of hesitation, Kaylie takes it. She links her arm with his in the way only a close friend can and presses the side of her face to his bicep. For once, his house won't feel so empty and he won't feel so alone even if it only lasts a night.

* * *

**Author's note: **So, I'm kind of over _Make it or Break it_. Haha Okay, not funny. It seems Nicky Russo has taken my heart to Denver. Still, I want to continue this story. Feedback would be greatly appreciated, maybe an update on the show too. I haven't seen the last couple episodes.


	5. A Shoulder to Cry On

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Five: A Shoulder to Cry On**

Sunday has to be every gymnast's favorite day of the week. For most elite gymnasts, they cherish their twenty-four hours of freedom, trying to keep a good amount of distance between them and the Rock, spending the day in any way their little hearts desire.

Kaylie Cruz chooses sleep.

She wakes up every few hours to find herself in this place that feels so foreign, but then the cotton sheets and the fluffy pillows simply lull her back to sleep, pushing away all her worries. When the red numbers of the digital clock tell her it's nearly eleven, Kaylie finally decides to start her day. Her hair falls to frame her face as she sits up, tangles of brown, free from her standard ponytail. She blinks once, twice, and then a third time before her eyes meet warm custard walls.

It's only then that she remembers last night, when everything shattered all over again. Kaylie falls back against a pillow that molds to the shape of her head. She turns onto her side and curls her knees to her chest. She spends another few minutes motionless.

Honestly, Kaylie is pleasantly surprised Nicky didn't try to get her up for an insane workout. She expects that from him. He's programmed that way. Almost as if his delicious, sculpted arms would simply deflate and be reduced to nothing if he didn't train for one day out of the week.

Kaylie's eyes snap wide open. Did she really just call Nicky's arms are _delicious_? Sure, it was just in her head, but still…

Sitting back up, Kaylie shakes off the thought. There are more pressing questions that need to be dealt with. Is it even possible that Nicky respects the sanctity of Sunday? There's only one way to find out and it requires getting out of bed.

Kicking back the covers, Kaylie's in a borrowed pair of black sweatpants and an old t-shirt of Nicky's. The gray shirt has Rocky Mountain Gymnastics Training Center across the chest in faded white letters. Her clothes are on a nearby dresser in what she assumes is one of their many guest rooms. It looks like something out of a magazine. Kaylie doesn't pay much attention to it. It's just like her house, rooms that are never used, but kept nice for show.

Bouncing down the long hallway, her bare feet pitter-patter against the marble floor. Kaylie takes a moment to admire the Russo home. Elegant with its high ceilings, dramatic crystal chandeliers, paintings on the walls and expensive furniture. Surely, two Russo men couldn't have come up with this setup without help.

A family portrait hangs over the fireplace in the living room. It's large and outlined in a gold frame with intricate detail in the ridges. The first thing Kaylie notices is the presence of a strikingly beautiful woman with cheekbones Kaylie would kill for and dark hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders. Her husband stands behind her, a hand on her shoulder, his other on the shoulder of his young son. Nicky couldn't have been more than seven-years-old in that portrait.

After exploring a bit more, she finds the bathroom filled with the misty heat of someone just emerging from the shower. Kaylie walks past it, Nicky's open door and pops her head in.

The walls are a dark blue it matches most of everything else in the room. No posters of cars or hot models because all that clutter would take the attention away from his bookshelf that houses all his medals and trophies. There's a desk and a dresser, miscellaneous items spewed atop, and his bed, big enough for three, is pushed against the far wall.

He's shirtless, sprawled out. Kaylie may take every opportunity to pick out Nicky's flaws, but she can't deny that he has an amazing gymnast body. She has the oddest urge to trace the lines of his abs with her fingers, but then she remembers that's _Nicky_ and quickly dismisses the thought.

"Do you know you have a trampoline _in_ your house?"

"Really? I've never noticed before." Nicky sits up with a grin. "Morning, Princess. When the snoring stopped, I knew to expect you in here sooner or later."

Lies. Kaylie Cruz _does not _snore.

"God, where's your chest hair? You're like a hairless monkey." She jabs at his ego in return except in this case, inspecting his chest, Nicky Russo indeed is a hairless monkey. Kaylie invites herself into and Nicky shuffles to the far end of his bed, an invitation. Kaylie complies, flopping down beside him, arms crossed and eyes guarded. Nicky smiles at her and Kaylie refuses to return it.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks.

"Like what?"

"Like you think I'm hot or something." He can be so cocky.

She grits her teeth. "_You_ think you're hot."

Nicky presses the side of his face to a pillow. "It should be a rule that we don't play mind-games and talk in circles on Sundays. I really don't have the energy right now."

"Wow, we agree on something." Kaylie turns on her side and faces Nicky. "It should be illegal to even get out of bed on Sundays."

"And skip my 6 a.m. jog? Never."

"You went on a jog at six o'clock this morning?"

Nicky shrugs. "You can't fight nature, Kaylie."

"Well, you could have brought back breakfast or something."

"After watching how you stuffed your face with waffles last night?" Nicky wears a look of mock revulsion. Kaylie self-consciously shifts in bed. "I think I'll pass. One scarring event is enough for one weekend thank you very much."

"Shut up." She pouts and he grins as if it's his life mission to be a complete pain in the ass. Her expression softens and she draws random patters against the mattress with her fingertip. "By the way, I, uh, I really appreciate you letting me stay the night."

"Aw, are you getting soft on me?" he teases. "It's fine. Not like we don't have room. This place is empty most of the time. You can come any time you want. It isn't a big deal."

"It is to me."

There's silence and awkward shuffling.

"We ever going to talk about yesterday?" he asks.

It's silent again and Kaylie shuffles around even more. "You first."

"I had some time to think things through. Running does that for me," Nicky explains. "It was never really Payson I was, for the lack of a better word, infatuated with. It was the _idea_ of Payson that really got to me, perfection, my other half—"

"Someone good enough for you," Kaylie adds.

"I was projecting my idea of a perfect girl on Payson. It sucks that it took me this long to realize I don't really know her. I talked to her face-to-face yesterday when I, uh, drove Little Keeler home. Her grandma forgot to pick her up after practice and I know the feeling so–"

"And you'd take any excuse to see Pay," Kaylie concludes. "It's sweet."

His face brightens with triumph. You'd think one's has ever called him that before. Maybe they never have. "You really think so?"

"Sure," she agrees. "I mean, it's a little desperate, but sweet nonetheless."

Nicky doesn't know if he should take it as a compliment or an insult. "Anyways, it didn't work out how I'd hoped. She said some things and I said some things. It was a disaster. Like I could see everything falling apart and nothing I could have done or said would have changed it."

"What did you two talk about exactly?"

His expression darkens almost instantly. Kaylie holds her breath.

"She made me promise not to tell anyone."

"Oh, okay. Cool." Kaylie nods for emphasis. "I get it."

Nicky calls her out with his eyes alone. "Do you really?"

"No," Kaylie answers honestly. "But if you can't tell me then you can't."

"Appreciated."

"And it's nice to know that when I tell you something you aren't going to go and blab about it to the entire gym like some other people," Kaylie says. Nicky raises an eyebrow as if probing her to continue. "Not even finding out about Lauren and Carter can top yesterday for worst day of my life."

"What happened?"

She hesitates and Nicky's surprisingly patient. Eventually, Kaylie goes into how Kelly Parker overheard Emily and Lauren talking about her mom's affair with Marty in the bathroom and ended with Sasha punching Marty in the face. She goes on to explain the loud and violent fighting that erupted between her parents, resulting from her mother's confession. The screams and shouts chased her out of her own house.

Kaylie feels a great deal lighter now that she's told someone how she feels completely helpless and out of control and how everything is broken to the point where she doesn't even know where to begin to fix it. Nicky doesn't interrupt. He doesn't try to give advice. He just listens and sometimes, like this time, it's enough.

"Your house is nice," Kaylie breaks the silence. She feels the need to say something after she completely poured her heart out, let the tears fall and wiped them away.

"I guess." Nicky slicks his fingers through his hair that's still moist from his shower and stares up at the ceiling. "That's what my dad pays his people to do."

"No, I mean, it's quiet," she says softly as if she's talking too loud.

He shakes his head. "It's cold."

Giving his hand a comforting squeeze, Kaylie watches as Nicky closes his eyes and arches his back. Light streams in through the open window and dances across the hard contours of his chest. Pulling away, Kaylie pretends to play with a loose string at the corner of a pillow and steals a glance at his conflicted face. Suddenly, his eyes flash open and that loathsome smirk creeps across his strong, clean shaven face. Kaylie's eyes dart in the opposite direction.

"Why, Kaylie Cruz, are you checking me out?" He sounds so obnoxious. Embarrassed, Kaylie slams her closed fist into his arm. Hard. "Hey!" Nicky sits up further puts his hands up defensively. She moves to hit him again, but Nicky's quicker, taking her by the wrists and moving to pin her down.

"Are you trying to start a fight with me, Russo?" she asks with a smile. Nicky's body presses into hers from above. In that split second when she feels him against hers, them with their matching smiles and their heavy burdens, if he kissed her, took advantage of her vulnerable position, she'd let him and kiss him back. But she knows him. He won't. That isn't them.

Tired of the temptation, of waiting for him to make a move he surely won't, Kaylie thinks back to when Leo tested the waters with wrestling back in the day. She wraps her legs around his waist and Nicky looks taken aback. Kaylie then rolls and pulls him down so she's straddling him and pinning his forearms to the bed with a bright smile. "And that's how it's done."

Before either of them knows what's going on, the door to his bedroom creaks open.

"Nicholas, I can't seem to find the charger for my Blackberry and I need to get back to the hospital—oh—"

This can't be a pleasant sight for any parent. Nicky. Shirtless. Kaylie. Atop him. Her in his clothes.

Kaylie immediately rolls off of Nicky, her dark hair whipping her cheeks that are now red with embarrassment. Nicky sits up and catches his father's flabbergasted face. No one speaks. The air is thick with tension. Kaylie wants to say something because it looks like neither of the Russo men are willing to make an effort and clear up the situation.

"I'm sorry for intruding," Dr. Russo says curtly. He steps back out through the door and closes it behind him. Kaylie's confused eyes shift to Nicky. Nicky's eyes are forward, still on the door.

"Did that just happen?" Kaylie expresses her most immediate thought. Nicky still doesn't react. Grasping the nearest pillow, she strikes him right in the face and he glares over at her. "Aren't you going to go talk to him?"

"What is there to talk about?"

Jaw dropped, Kaylie hits him again. "Maybe clear up the fact that we weren't doing anything."

Nicky scowls. "I don't care what people think. Least of all him."

"He's your dad, Nicky. You and I both know if anyone's opinion matters to you, it's his."

Nicky groans because he knows she's right and she smiles because she knows she's going to get her way. Grabbing a white t-shirt off the foot of his bed, Nicky pulls the shirt over his head and his arms through his sleeves. He finds his father in the study, walls lined from floor to ceiling with shelves of books. Dr. Russo's going through the drawers of his desk and Nicky awkwardly stands there with his hands behind his back.

"Dad…"

"This is hopeless. It'd probably be more effective if I just bought a new one."

"Dad."

"I could have sworn I had one in the glove compartment of my car, but it isn't there," he continues. "I needed a consultation so I'm expecting a call from a colleague in New York about a complicated case I'm working on. The patient doesn't have much time…"

"Dad!" Nicky shouts at the top of his lungs. When his father doesn't so much as glance up, Nicky sighs and rolls his fingers through his slightly spiky hair. "Dad, the last time I saw your charger it was in the den, plugged into the wall by the liquor cabinet."

Dr. Russo's eyes light up and he pats his son on the arm. "Good work, son."

Dr. Russo starts walking away and Nicky trails behind, shoulders sagging. "Listen, dad, about earlier, that's my friend, Kaylie, and nothing was going on. We were just…" He pauses for a moment. What _were_ they doing? Was that really something friends do?

"Whatever you say, Nicolas, just be careful. The last thing either of us need is the girl getting pregnant and trying to name you the father. She's already seen the house and knows we have money. That'd be a nightmare."

"Don't worry, dad. Kaylie isn't like that." Nicky finds himself defensive, puffing out his chest and curling his fingers into fists. "She's complicated as hell and sometimes annoying, but she's a good person. It's not like we're together or anything…because we're not."

"It sounds like you really like her," Dr. Russo says, offhanded and distracted. "Just keep what I said in mind. I need to get back to the hospital. You have a good day, Nicholas."

"You too, dad," Nicky says dully. He watches his father walk away, phone charger in hand, before he leans back against the wall of the hallway and slowly slides down until he's sitting.

Talking to his father is like talking to a brick wall. Nicky doesn't even know why he bothers to try anymore. Ever since his mom left, his father has been so distant. Sometimes Nicky feels as if he's slipping into that same blank state of mind, just instead of work being his drug of choice, it's gymnastics.

Nicky finds Kaylie at his desk in the clothes she was wearing yesterday, texting away on his cell phone. Nicky flops onto his bed and groans into his pillow.

"I take it things went well?"

Nicky only groans in response.

"Good." Kaylie forces a smile. "I hope you don't mind. I used your cell to send a text to Lauren and apparently my mom did notice me gone. She called around and Lauren covered for me, said I stayed the night at her place."

"Did you tell Lauren you stayed here last night?"

"Do I look stupid?" Kaylie counters. Nicky opens his mouth to comment, but Kaylie gives him a stern look and cuts him off. "Don't answer that. Of course, I didn't tell her where I was. It'd be all over the gym by Monday morning."

"Still, covering for you is surprisingly kind of her. What's she getting out of it?"

"Probably just collecting so when she needs something from me I can't say no," Kaylie replies. Honestly, it's barely a friendship, but it works. "I should probably head home. Hopefully things calmed down by now."

"Yeah."

"Um, that kind of requires you getting out of bed, lazy." Kaylie stands at the foot of his bed and places a hand on her hipbone. Kaylie can't help, but smile when Nicky peaks up at her with one of the most adorable, almost childlike expressions she's ever seen. "C'mon. Let's go, Russo."

"Did _you_ go on a 6 a.m. run this morning? Yeah, didn't think so, Cruz." Nicky chuckles bitterly. His eyes are closed, but the faintest hints of a smile linger on his lips. "He thinks you're a gold digger, trying to get pregnant and say I'm the father."

"Does he not know who my parents are?" Kaylie scowls. She doesn't mean to sound snobby, but she is the daughter of Alex and Ronnie Cruz, a professional baseball player and a popstar. Financially, she can surely hold her own.

"Doesn't really matter. I could tell him a thousands times, but he never hears a thing I say. For most kids, their biggest problem is fighting with their parents. To fight we'd have to be talking and, well, me and my dad don't have actual conversations."

"Try being too scared of your dad to even try and have a real conversation with him," Kaylie confesses more than she means to. Nicky thinks back to the few times that he's ever been in the same room as Alex Cruz, specifically the incident with the picture on the cell phone and Carter in the middle of that party.

"Yeah, I really don't blame you."

"I think I should just get it over with," Kaylie sighs. She starts to stand and Nicky does the same. He grabs his keys and his phone and they both take their time getting to the car, stalling to check out Nicky's own personal workout room, the trampoline and the pool.

As Nicky drives, Kaylie fiddles with the buttons of the radio, trying to find something halfway decent to listen to. They drive in a comfortable silence and Kaylie's gigantic house isn't too far from his. Nicky parks in the driveway and insists on walking her to the door.

"If you need anything, just text me," Nicky says once they're outside her front door. He tries to smile and squeezes her hand when he watches her eyebrows narrow in distress and her teeth catch her bottom lip. "Hey. You know where my house is. Come by any time."

"Thanks, Nicky," she whispers. "See ya."

"See ya." Nicky gives her a rare smile before walking back to his car.

Kaylie doesn't know what to expect inside. She takes her time, fishing through her pocket for her keys and running her thumb over the teeth. When she finally unlocks the door, Kaylie gives it a little push as if testing the waters first. She doesn't hear screams and takes it as a good sign. Walking inside, Kaylie thinks she was just being stupid, running to Nicky and staying out all night. Maybe they worked things out and everything's okay.

Then she sees the broken glass. The torn photo albums. Then she hears the echoing cries.

"Mom!" Kaylie makes her way through the halls, careful to avoid the shards of glass spread out across the floor. She goes through the living room and then the kitchen and finally her parents' bedroom.

Kaylie finally finds her mother, curled up in the corner of her walk-in closet. Ronnie Cruz, who's easily the most confidant and strong woman (aside from Kim Keeler) she's ever known, is a mess. She looks as if she hasn't slept in days and her makeup is smeared all down her cheeks.

Kaylie doesn't know what to do, but somehow manages to ask, "Mom, where's dad?"

It's then that Ronnie Cruz falls over, pressing her face into the Persian rug as she bawls. Kaylie gets down on her knees and tries to comfort her mother, but Ronnie reacts violently. She looks up at Kaylie with pain in her eyes like she's bothered by Kaylie's very presence. Mostly the subtle resemblances to her father genetics blessed her with.

Over and over again, between sobs, Ronnie repeats, "He's gone. He's gone. He's gone…"

Kaylie wants nothing more than to run out that front door and back to Nicky.

Instead, she sits beside her crying mother, still trying to comprehend what's happened. It takes a while, but finally Ronnie throws her arms around her daughter. She cries into Kaylie's shoulder and Kaylie tries her best to comfort her.

It's in that moment that Kaylie doesn't know what's worst—a father that's there, but emotionally detached or a father that leaves and doesn't even bother saying goodbye.

* * *

**Author's note:** Please tell me what you think in a review. Thank you much.


	6. A Flower

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Five: A Shoulder to Cry On**

"Ready?"

"Alright."

"1, 2, 3, 4."

"I declare a thumb war."

Kaylie shrieks, her hand interlocked with Nicky's as their thumbs battle for dominance. His is significantly larger than hers, but Kaylie's slick. She's able to squeeze out from beneath his thumb and she laughs every time frustration takes over Nicky's handsome face. It feels like they've been playing forever and neither make much progress before being foiled by the other. Nicky is unnecessarily competitive and it only makes Kaylie laugh even more.

They arrive at the Rock significantly earlier than everyone else and it's become a routine. They spend some time on the sidewalk outside, talking. Kaylie explains what a mess her mom is and how her dad isn't returning her calls. Nicky throws in how his father is never around, an attempt to make her life seem less miserable, but Kaylie tells him it isn't the same.

Nicky knows he doesn't have the right words to fix everything so instead he helps her up and ushers her towards the gym. He makes Kaylie promise to leave her personal life at the door and concentrate on gymnastics. They make good time with their usual workout routine and that leaves them with a bit of downtime before everyone else shows up.

What are two, bored elite gymnasts to do with a little free time?

Thumb wrestle.

"You're cheating."

"How do you cheat at thumb wrestling?" Kaylie asks. By the smile on her face it's apparent she's amused. He's trying so hard that Kaylie entertains the thought of letting him win, but then she'd have to deal with his cocky attitude and she's having too much fun watching him squirm.

Someone clears their throat in the background and distracts the two.

Lauren is behind them, dressed in a navy windbreaker and track pants. The strap of her gym bag is slung over one shoulder and her dirty blonde hair is pulled into a French braid. Her arms are crossed over her chest and a foot is taps against the mat. Her expression screams "I knew it!" and the distraction is enough to keep Kaylie stationary long enough for Nicky to press his thumb over hers and count to ten.

"I win."

"That doesn't count! Lauren distracted me."

"All's fair in love, war and thumb wrestling," Nicky says. Kaylie moves to hit him and Nicky, already anticipating the attack, quickly scrambles to his feet. Kaylie sticks her tongue out at him and Nicky only laughs before turning to Lauren. "She's all yours."

"Thanks," Lauren says to his retreating back. Lauren's using that sickeningly sweet voice she reserves for when she's trying to talk her father into buying her a new dress. Nicky's halfway across the gym, Lauren turns her eyes on her best friend. "Aww, Kaylicky caught in the act."

"Lo, how many times do we have to go over this?"

"As many times as it takes for you to finally realize that you have a thing for Nicky," Lauren replies. Kaylie turns up her nose and mumbles, "I do not," but Lauren pays her no attention and continues. "And who could blame you, I mean, look at him. He's gorgeous. Now if he didn't have the personality of a rock, even I'd probably be interested."

"He doesn't have the personality of a rock." Kaylie pauses for a beat, realizing she's defending Nicky Russo. A moment later, she convinces herself she's only doing the right thing. Friends defend friends, right? "It takes him time to let people in. He doesn't want to get hurt and that's something I can understand."

"Aw, you understand each other. How sweet," Lauren coos. When she feels Lauren's hand on her shoulder, Kaylie fights the urge to violently pull away. "Don't look now, but it seems Kelly Parker is taking an interest in your Pet Rock."

...

Watching from afar as Kaylie and Lauren talk, a dangerous expression on Lauren's face while Kaylie remaining indifferent, Nicky can't help, but think about the cortisone, about what Lauren knows and has. She wouldn't tell Kaylie, right? And if she did, would it change the way Kaylie sees him?

"So which one are you screwing, Nick? The all-bark-no-medals blonde or the judges-must-have-been-on-crack-when-they-scored-her brunette?"

Nicky freezes. Someone catches him staring.

"Kelly Parker, hey." Nicky tries to keep his voice as even as possible. He turns to find her playing innocent with a wide grin and her hands tucked behind her back.

"So, my dad was in Boulder the other day," she announces. "He was considering transferring to Boulder General. He told me he had lunch with your dad. How is Dr. Russo?"

"Alright."

"Us being childhood besties and all, I think it's safe to tell you the truth. My dad says Boulder General is, well, for the lack of a better word, _lame _and with his skills, the Great Dr. Russo, deserves better," Kelly explains. "It doesn't matter though since Marty's taking us back to Denver anyways."

"I haven't heard that." His interest spikes. "Why?"

"Why else? To accommodate Princess Kaylie Cruz, of course." Kelly makes no attempt to keep the venom from her voice, simultaneously rolling her eyes. "Something about her mom being a slut—"

"Stop." Nicky nearly snarls. "Kelly, don't."

Her eyes twinkle with something close to mischief. With Kelly Parker, it's always hard to tell what she's thinking so Nicky knows to be extra careful. "Kaylie Cruz, huh? Tisk, tisk, Nick. And I thought you were better than that."

Nicky doesn't avert his eyes. He makes no signs of being caught. Calling them "childhood besties" is a major overstep. Their dads are friends so they grew up around each other. Most times they sit at the same table at fundraiser dinners and galas. The closest thing they've ever had to a real conversation was when the adults would be mingling and they'd pass the time by making fun of the rock girls.

They've known each other long enough for Nicky to figure out how Kelly Parker operates. He knows that she manipulates words and fishes for anything she can use later. He knows that the moment she gets a bite, she'll fight until she gets what she wants and so Nicky trains himself not to give her a reaction.

"Anyways, the official reason is a 'conflict of interest' and the National Board members agreed so we'll be out of here by tonight," Kelly says. "You heard about Sasha attacking Marty, haven't you?"

Nicky nods. Kaylie told him, practically choking on her tears as she did. He also harbors a newfound (and silent) respect for Sasha, admiring more than just his skills as a gymnast. Nicky firmly believes it wasn't a moment of lost self-control, but of strength to do what everyone knows Marty deserves, but everyone's too afraid to dish out.

"It's for the best, I guess. Quarantine the problem, cut it off before it infects the rest." Kelly sighs. "I know I, for one, couldn't possibly train here with all the drama and tension. Silly me, I thought people actually came to gymnastics training centers to, well, train and not ogle bitchy brats in leotards."

Nicky stiffens, knowing she meant it as an insult and aimed at him. "Hey, Parker, you think you could just say what you mean for once? I'd appreciate it. Thanks."

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't sass me. Thanks." Kelly pinches his arm hard enough that Nicky quickly yanks away. He remembers her doing that a lot when they were kids too. "Marty tells me Denver's been trying to recruit you."

Nicky smirks. Bingo. "That's not very professional of him, is it?"

"What is your problem, Nick?" Kelly asks. He ignores her pout. It isn't half as effective as she likes to think. "You could be training in Denver, no distractions, no drama, nothing. Just concentrating on gymnastics. Your dad could move to Denver with you, easily get a better job, working with his friends and colleagues who actually appreciate him. What's keeping you here? Because from talk around the Rock, it surely isn't Payson anymore."

Nicky suppresses a wince. It still hurts to even hear her name.

"Kaylie's her best friend, Nick." He turns away, doesn't have to look to know Kelly's smiling. "Just food for thought. This place, the Rock, it's poison. Take my advice and get out while the offer's still good. I, for sure, am not coming in second again and as someone that respects you, Nick, it'd be a shame to see it happen to you again."

And with that, she squeezes his arm like it's supposed to mean something and walks away.

Nicky doesn't know how he let it happen, how he let Kelly Parker in his head like that, but he did and her words are enough to make him avoid Kaylie for the rest of the day. As much as Nicky hates to admit it, Kelly made a compelling argument. At the Rock, he's conflicted over Payson, confused about his thing with Kaylie and scared of Lauren. Maybe it'd just be easier to go to Denver. He decides to put in some extra hours of practice tonight, but gets pulled away by Summer when Sasha and Marty have an announcement to make and confirmed everything Kelly told him.

"And though we regret how this situation played out, we do thank the Rocky Mountain Gymnastics Training Center for having us. I wish the best of luck to all of you future Olympians. Thank you," Marty concludes his speech. Kelly leads the applause. Nicky doesn't move. Neither do Lauren and Emily. Kaylie is dead in the eyes.

"Alright!" Sasha calls. "Back to work, everyone!"

Once the crowd disperses, Nicky eyes Kaylie from afar, seeing the way her friends immediately surround her, almost like a barrier, talking quietly. He's content, knowing someone is there for her.

"Hey, Russo, just the person I was looking for."

Inwardly groaning, Nicky wonders why all these people are approaching him today.

"Marty, what's up?"

"Nothing, really," Marty replies, but they both know it's a lie. Nicky's too stressed and conflicted to do this dance. "I was just wondering if you've given any more thought to coming to train in Denver."

This time, when Nicky groans, it's aloud and his disdain is apparent.

"Thanks, Marty, but no thanks. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't send Kelly to try and convince me either."

Marty laughs. "Kelly talked to you about coming to Denver? Kelly Parker? That's strange. She isn't usually so willing to share her spotlight."

Nicky wishes Marty would just come out and lay his proposal on the table. Nicky had been devastated when Marty, his coach and idol, up and left the Rock for Denver without so much as an explanation. Now, knowing what he knows about the affair and how it tore Kaylie's family apart, Nicky doesn't even want to hear what Marty has to say next.

"You think it'll help you sleep better at night?" Nicky asks. He keeps his voice low so that no one (Lauren) overhears. "Being all the way in Denver and not having to come in to the gym every day and watch her fall apart?"

"It's not about me," Marty says, solemn. "You probably won't believe this, but I left for Kaylie. Would you rather I stay so she can see me every day and be reminded all over again that I'm the reason she's falling apart? It's better this way. With me gone, she at least has a chance to focus on gymnastics. Out of sight, out of mind."

Nicky averts his eyes and Marty takes a step forward.

"Listen, Russo, you're good," Marty says. His voice is barely a whisper. "I still stand by my decision to leave the Rock, but one of my regrets was leaving you kids behind. Payson. Emily. Especially you. Seeing you take second at Nationals, behind that Tucker punk, I blamed myself. I started your training when you were a kid and then abandoned you. That's why I'm asking you to come to Denver so we can pick up where we left off and get you to the Olympics like we planned when you were twelve."

Nicky doesn't know what to think about this. It's all too sudden. Too much has happened.

"Promise me you'll think about it, okay?" Marty clasps his shoulder. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but Sasha puts a lot of his time and effort into working with the elite girls, right? Where does that leave you? It's known fact that coaches play favorites and gymnasts fall through the cracks. You've always been my pick, Russo, but, hey, it's your choice."

Nicky finds it hard to breathe even as Marty walks away. It truly is a question of loyalty. Nicky doesn't know what to do. He does know he needs to get his heart rate up, to abuse his body till the only thing he can feel is the ache in his muscles and all he can see is the routine he's nearly perfected. Honestly, he's feeling way too much and needs to get back to Android Nicky mode. Even if Android Nicky would clearly follow Marty to Denver.

He doesn't hit the locker room until Sasha finds him, still practicing, and kicks him out. Sasha gives him a speech about burning out, but Nicky doesn't hear any of it. His wrists are killing him and he's desperate for cortisone that he knows is in his glove compartment, but then he sees that convertible out in the parking lot and the dark-haired girl behind the wheel. Touched by confusion and curiosity, Nicky veers away from his own car and goes up to tap on her window.

"Are you waiting for me? Kaylie, if we aren't careful people are going to start talking," Nicky jokes. It's when Kaylie doesn't answer that Nicky starts to worry. All she needs to do is look away, on the verge of tears, and Nicky knows. He hates how his heart breaks for her because he's never known the feeling that he briefly saw in her eyes. She's afraid to go home.

Not even waiting for a reply, Nicky rounds the front of her car. He slides into the seat beside her and slams the door shut after him. Now it's Kaylie's turn to look at him curiously as Nicky slides the seatbelt across his chest and clicks it securely in place. Only when he's comfortable does Nicky return her gaze.

"Hungry?" Nicky asks.

"No," Kaylie quietly replies.

"Me neither," he lies. Truth is, he's starving, but she doesn't need to know that. "Where to then?"

"I have an errand to run," Kaylie explains, still trying to pull herself together. Even though the darkness within the car conceals her face for the most part, Nicky still politely stares straight forward. "Trust me. You wouldn't be interested."

"Try me."

Kaylie sighs and massages her temple with her middle and pointer finger. It looks like she's fighting back a smile and seeing that, that little ounce of hope, Nicky wears a full-on smirk.

"Nicky Russo, I'm never going to get rid of you, am I?"

"Not anytime soon, Princess," he replies. Kaylie starts her car and they're off.

Fifteen minutes are spent in silence. Kaylie looks lost in her own little word of conflicted thoughts and Nicky's trying to ignore how his wrists feel like they're on fire and how he hopes the radio's loud enough to conceal his stomach's occasional growl. He vetoed cortisone and eating for her and she can't even look in his direction.

"I saw you talking to Kelly Parker." Kaylie keeps her eyes forward, hands tense on the steering wheel. "What was that all about?"

"Just Kelly Parker being Kelly Parker." Nicky grunts. "I don't really want to talk about it. What about you? How are you feeling about Marty going back to Denver?"

"Honestly, I don't know what to feel," she replies. Kaylie steals a glance at him and Nicky straightens in his seat. "You know how you made me promise to leave my personal life at the door and just focus on gymnastics at the Rock?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't we leave gymnastics-related stuff at the Rock," she proposes. "I'm just…I'm tired. Everything's getting mixed up and I…I can't talk about it right now. I know I brought up Kelly Parker and I thought I could talk about it like everything's okay, but…it's not."

"Alright." Nicky stops her from having to explain herself. "Fair enough."

Eventually they pull up in front of a little floral shop in town, the sign above the building reading, Flowers by the Rock. They both get out and Nicky follows Kaylie inside, taking note of how she walks with such urgency like she has some sort of coarse of action that he's yet to figure out. Inside, the little shop is like an entirely different world, lush and green, with vivid, colorful flowers all around. The scent is divine, all sorts of sweet fragrance blended in one. Nicky figures heaven would smell something like this.

"So what are we doing here exactly?" Nicky asks, closely inspecting a section of flowers with yellow centers and petals, all different shades of blue and violet.

"Picking up some flowers for mom. I figure they'd at least brighten up the house," Kaylie replies absentmindedly. Reaching the vacant, front counter, Kaylie turns to Nicky, just in time to catch him watching her. There's something about his intrusive stare that she finds unsettling and she clears her throat. "You should, um, send Pay some flowers. She'll probably pretend it isn't a big deal, but deep down, Payson's just like every other girl. Girls love flowers."

"You mean some pretty white roses?" Nicky asks. He closely examines a bundle, running his finger against the rough stem, careful to avoid the thorns. He then lets his fingers brush the soft petals, stopping only when he catches Kaylie staring, something disquieting in her eyes.

"White rosebuds?" She raises both eyebrows.

"Why? Not up to Princess Kaylie Cruz's standards?"

"No, they're fine," she replies, turning away, "if you're trying to send out a certain message."

"And what message would that be?"

"Well, white rosebuds represent a heart that doesn't know how to love," she says. Nicky stops then and turns his eyes back to the flowers before him. Kaylie clears her throat. "Yeah, maybe not those. How about some purple hyacinths?"

"And what do those stand for?"

"Forgiveness," Kaylie replies.

Nicky nods, but his eyes still linger on the white rosebuds. He soon shakes it off and travels the narrow aisle, coming up behind Kaylie. "So when did you become such an expert on flowers?"

"The garden on the side of my house, not there by accident," Kaylie explains. "When I was a kid and dad was stressing over playoffs and mom was planning her European tour, I had a nanny, Mrs. Nora. I'd practice my back handspring in the yard and she'd, well, garden. I might have picked up a few things."

Kaylie shrugs nonchalantly and watches Nicky's face remains unfazed by the mention of her favorite nanny, the one who'd tell Payson, Lauren and her fairy tales about princesses in towers and knights on white horses. Kaylie and Lauren would always giggle while Payson tried to get her two friends to focus on their tumbling even though they all knew, on the inside, Payson was just as enchanted by the stories as they were. Kaylie would usually feel embarrassed, admitting she had a nanny, but this is Nicky, a boy whose trust fund rivals her own. He understands.

"When my parents decided that I was too old to still have Mrs. Nora doing everything for me, they helped her finance her own flower shop," Kaylie explains and motions everything around them. "Which was more than fair seeing everything I put her through growing up."

"Not to mention your brother. He'd come home from a long day at the Rock and just throw his smelly socks and gym clothes everywhere! I'm sure I almost passed out a times, doing his laundry," a warm, almost maternal, voice adds.

Kaylie smiles pleasantly over his shoulder and Nicky turns to find an older woman with a head of silver curls, wearing round, wire-rimmed glasses. Her fair skin is colored pink at her cheekbones and her eyes are a brilliant shade of dark green. In all honesty, she looks like she should be teaching at Hogwarts rather than tending to non-magical flowers and plants all day.

Rushing past Nicky, Kaylie envelopes the tiny woman in her arms, an almost childlike grin playing across her face that's shown nothing but frowns since their little thumb wrestling match early this morning. The older woman has a laugh that touches her eyes and makes them sparkle in a way Nicky has never seen before. He's content with standing back and watching the two reunite, not even realizing that he's smiling himself.

"It's good to see you, sweetie," Mrs. Nora says. When they finally part, the woman quickly looks at Nicky before turning back to Kaylie with the curiosity of a Cheshire cat in her expression. "And who might this young man be?"

"Oh." Kaylie rolls her eyes. "That's just Nicky."

"It's nice to meet you, ma'am," Nicky says politely. "This place is amazing."

"Thank you!" Mrs. Nora smiles. She elbows Kaylie and mutters, "he's a keeper."

Kaylie's eyes turn down to the floor and she mumbles incoherently beneath her breath while a light blush creeps up across her cheeks. Seeing how she's clearly embarrassed, Nicky presses his lips into a discrete smile and excuses himself, making an excuse about checking in with his dad, fishing through his pockets for his cell phone. He suspects the real reason Kaylie came here was to talk to Mrs. Nora about everything that's going on and he's giving them their privacy. There are just some details she can't share with him and he's okay with that.

Once outside the floral shop, Nicky leans back against the window, thinking about how long this day has felt. He's exhausted and in pain and starving, but when he peeks in through the glass door and sees Mrs. Nora comforting Kaylie in the way only a member of her extended family could, Nicky knows it's all worth it. He knows that their friendship is worth it. Kaylie Cruz is worth it.

Nicky still feels the temptation that Kelly and Marty planted. He'd be lying if he said the idea of going to Denver was completely off the table. Sure, he's constantly sidetracked unlike android he was once known for being. Sure, his life has only been more difficult since opening up to Payson and then Kaylie, but maybe there are some things in life more important than gymnastics. Maybe…

"Hey, where'd you go? Mrs. Nora was ready to get your face printed on milk cartons. To think what that'd do to your ego." Kaylie's voice breaks his reverie. Nicky's eyes dart over and he sees her peeking her head out of the glass door, a bundle of different flowers, some white, some blue and others violet in her arms. She's joking, smiling. Maybe she'll be okay after all.

"Sorry," he says. "Just…thinking."

"Don't hurt yourself," Kaylie quips. Nicky has to blink, confused as to why her mood has changed so drastically. "I just need to load these into the back seat and then I have another bundle still inside–"

"I got it," Nicky says quickly. He's sure Mrs. Nora is the key and when he sees Kaylie out by her car, he confronts the older woman who he knew was magic. Inside, he finds her tending to an area cluttered with bright red flowers. "So, Mrs. Nora, what's your secret?"

"What's that?"

"When we came in here tonight, Kaylie, well, she was falling apart and now…"

Mrs. Nora throws her head back in a laugh. "You care a lot about her, don't you?"

Nicky feels his shoulders stiffen and he isn't comfortable with the twinkle in the woman's eyes. People have always seen the two of them hanging out and instantly concluded that they were in some fairytale forbidden romance. Those are easy to deny because they're false, but this question, this one throws Nicky off.

"Relax. I'm just teasing." Mrs. Nora hands him one of the red flowers. "It's Kaylie's favorite."

"Thank you, ma'am." He nods and takes the thick green stem between his fingertips.

"You take care of my girl, alright?" Mrs. Nora wears a bright smile.

"Always." Nicky flashes the woman one last smile before he collects the flowers and heads back outside. He carries the bundle in one arm and hides the red one behind his back. As Kaylie and Mrs. Nora say their last goodbyes outside the front door of the shop, Nicky loads the remaining flowers into the backseat and they're back on the road within minutes.

"So should I head back to the Rock to get your car?" Kaylie asks at a stoplight. Nicky groans.

"But then I have to drive back," he complains. "I'm exhausted."

"But then that means I have to wake up even earlier to pick you up tomorrow morning. Do I look like your personal driver?" Kaylie asks, trying to sound more annoyed than she actually is. Nicky's lips pull into a smile and Kaylie sighs. "Fine."

"And to show my undying gratitude, a flower for you, milady," Nicky announces, showing her the one he'd been hiding between his seat and the door. He expects some mock show of irritation, but finds her face blank, eyes switches between his eyes and the flower. Nicky suddenly feels self-conscious. "Mrs. Nora, she, uh, told me it's your favorite."

"Of course she would," Kaylie mumbles, delicately taking the flower from him. She inspects and Nicky wonders if he should point out that the light has been green for quite some time now. "Thank you, milord," she finally plays along and something about her smile makes him feel… _something_, something different. A honk from behind startles both of them, Kaylie continuing to drive and Nicky staring out the window and into the dark.

"So what kind of flower is it?"

"It's a tulip," Kaylie explains, pulling up in front of his house and stopping.

"And what does it mean?"

Something flickers in Kaylie's eyes and it's something Nicky doesn't know how to read. A gentle smile graces her face and she says abruptly, "So if I show up tomorrow morning and you aren't already out here waiting, I'll count to, hmm, seven and then I'm leaving your lazy behind."

"I'll be here," Nicky assures her. He finds her avoidance of such a simple question weird, but with everything going on in her life, Nicky doesn't press the issue. Pulling the strap of his gym bag over his shoulder, Nicky pops the door open and stands, pausing to lean slightly down and look at her one last time. "Tonight was…interesting. If you ever need someone to an errand with again…"

"You'll be the first one I call." She nods. "Goodnight, Nicky."

"Night, Kaylie." He shuts the door and a moment later, her car speeds off.

Later that night, when he can't fall asleep, Nicky Googles the meaning of red tulips.

It's his turn to blush when he reads: _undying love._

* * *

**Author's note: **Hey everyone! I loved writing Marty and Kelly into this chapter. And Mrs. Nora. And the flowers. For those of you who do stick around and support this story, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you all. Thank you.


	7. A Look

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Seven: A Look**

There's someone in her bedroom.

When Kaylie Cruz gets home from a long day at the Rock, there's nothing she wants more than to soak in a tub filled with warm water and bubbles. She doesn't like to come home to find the front door unlocked, the interior in shambles and a single light on in the entire house – her bedroom. The first thing she does, besides grabbing one of her dad's baseball bats from the den and already having 9-1-1 locked into her phone, is check on her mother. When Kaylie finds Ronnie already in bed, surrounded by used tissues and chocolate wrappers, but safe and sound, she goes to investigate.

Kaylie's always seen that tree outside her bedroom window as a blessing. It's always been her main way of sneaking out or the main way boys like Carter and Nicky use to sneak in. Only now does she see how it can be a curse. She hears the rustling of objects. There would be no reason for any of the maids to be here so late. Kaylie fights off the thought that maybe, just maybe, her dad is back. She doesn't let herself build up that false hope because even if he is back, what reason would he have for being in her room?

"Dear diary, I'm at gymnastics camp, but I can't write right now because Kelly Parker is looking over my shoulder. That bitch…"

Kaylie's eyes widen and she jumps in front of the doorway.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?"

"KAYLIE, IT'S ME! PUT THE BAT DOWN!"

"OF COURSE I KNOW IT'S YOU! WHAT DO YOU THINK THE BAT IS FOR? LEO. PUT. THE. JOURNAL. DOWN!"

Kaylie feels the warmth rising in her cheeks, she's so angry. Her hands are choking up on the bat like she's seen her father do whenever up at the plate. She tilts her elbow up and grinds her feet into the ground like she's getting ready to swing and take her older brother's head right off. She sees him standing there by her bookshelf, looking like he's just been caught stealing cookies from a cookie jar. He's holding on to a little pink book with glitter and beads glued to the cover.

Getting over the initial shock of someone yelling at him out of the blue, Leo Cruz finally gets his heart rate to slow and grins at his sister. He's tall and lean, significantly less muscular now that he's abandoned gymnastics in the name of education. It might be the lighting, but Kaylie's almost taken aback for a moment, noticing how her brother's a clean-shaven mirror image of their father. He has the same caramel, almost glowing skin, the same kind eyes and hair kept short and dark as coal.

Leo carefully puts the little pink book down on her desk and puts his hands up. There's a tense moment of silence where Kaylie gives her brother a stern look. She sizes him up, looking for any signs of deception and when she finds none, Kaylie finally puts the bat down.

"You know, if every entry begins with 'dear diary' it isn't actually a journal. Hate to state the obvious, Kaylie, but it's a _diary_," Leo points out. He sits in the a chair in front of Kaylie's desk while she collapses on her bed, exhausted and irritated she was scared for nothing. Looking over at his sister, Leo can't help, but chuckle. "No hug?"

"You scared the crap out of me, jerk," Kaylie scolds. She violently throws a pillow at him, but he only chuckles.

"Okay. No hug," Leo says, easily ignoring Kaylie's hostility. "Not like I came home for you anyways."

"Why _are_ you home, Leo?" she asks, shifting so that she's looking at her brother upside down. Kaylie notices how he's still eyeing her journal and she quickly snaps it away, casting it beneath a pillow. When Kaylie turns back to her brother, it troubles her how serious he suddenly is.

"Dad, he, um, called me," Leo explains. It's startling how such a warm moment, one that felt almost normal and somewhat reminded her of her childhood can suddenly turn so cold. "He told me what's been going on. I dropped everything and grabbed the next flight out to Boulder."

"But your work–"

"It can wait," Leo says firmly. "She freaked out when she first saw me, y'know. She kept calling me Alex, apologizing over and over again. I don't know how I got her to calm down, but thank God I did. Kaylie, she was hysterical."

"Mom, she hasn't been herself for a while now," Kaylie meekly explains. Suddenly her fingernails are the most interesting thing she's ever seen. "I leave in the morning and she's in bed. I come home at night and she hasn't even moved. I don't think she eats anything other than chocolate and ice cream and I…I try to talk to her, but it's like she doesn't even realize I'm there. I don't know what to do anymore, Leo."

"You shouldn't have to," Leo assures her, shaking his head. "You're sixteen. Your biggest worries should be about the embarrassment that'd come if Lauren and you showing up at the Rock wearing the same leo or Carter screwing up somehow."

Kaylie's face instantly darkens with her frown becomes more prominent. Leo inwardly winces.

"So you found out about Lauren…"

"You knew?" Kaylie sits up quickly, accusing eyes set on him. "You have got to be kidding me."

"My best friend sneaking around with my sister, I knew that was bad from the get-go," Leo muses to himself. He turns to face Kaylie and the wrath locked in her eyes, a serious look plasters his face. "I'll kill him. I swear to God I'll kill him."

"Don't. I don't care anymore." With a sigh, Kaylie falls back onto her bed and her eyes find the plastic stars stuck on the ceiling. She has to pause for a moment and mentally repeat her words. Now that she's actually thinking about it, Kaylie hasn't complained or even thought of Carter in weeks. Obviously she has bigger issues on her mind, but now that it's brought up again, she doesn't feel that ache in her chest that usually surfaces when pondering their betrayal. She doesn't feel anything.

"So it's official? You two aren't together?" Leo seeks clarity and Kaylie sighs loudly. Just like every other guy, he doesn't know when to drop a topic.

"No, Leo," Kaylie replies in the simplest way she can manage. "Carter and I are over for good."

"Hmm, so I'm assuming this red tulip isn't a pathetic peace offering?" Leo asks. Kaylie tilts her head to see the single red tulip that's surprisingly held up nicely since leaving Flowers by the Rock. It's in a tall and slim glass vase. Watching her brother gently touch the soft petals, Kaylie thinks of Nicky.

"No. If it was, knowing Carter and how over-the-top he can be, he'd probably send over four dozen roses or something equally as cheesy, complete with a card and something creepy written on it about soul mates." Kaylie rolls her eyes. "Didn't you see the flowers downstairs? I went to visit Mrs. Nora the other day and brought some home."

"I have got to visit Mrs. Nora, that tough ol' bird," Leo mumbles. There's something like nostalgia that glazes over his eyes, but then he realizes the defensive bite to his little sister's tone and it provokes his curiosity. "So why keep this one in your room and the others downstairs?"

"I like red tulips," Kaylie says simply. "Is it a crime?"

"Calm down, Kaylie. We're only talking," Leo says. The corners of his lips separate in a grin, so mischievous. "Y'know, I did see the flowers downstairs, not a tulip in the arrangement, which only leads me to believe that some boy had to have given it to you. if not Carter, then who?"

"You've seen mom. You've been a gymnast. How do you expect me to be in a healthy relationship with everything that's going on?" she asks. Kaylie slowly bringing up her walls doesn't fly past Leo.

"I don't know." He shrugs. "There's always been some boy following you around like a lost little puppy even when you were a kid. Come on, Kaylie, I was at gymnastics camp too and dad always made me keep an eye on you. Whoever he was, whatever summer it was, he'd carry your water bottle around for you and hold your hand around the campfire. They may not have been real relationships, but there's always been some poor boy trailing after you. It's just odd seeing you alone, is all."

"It's different now," Kaylie says softly. She can feel the familiar threat of tears. She averts her eyes, not wanting Leo to see her break. She barely gets out the last part. "Now my own dad ran out on me."

"Kaylie–"

"He hasn't even called," she says. Her pain turns to rage. "Not once."

Sighing, Leo moves to sit beside his sister and wraps his arm around her shoulders no matter how much she tosses and turns and fights him. He pulls her into the long delayed hug and rocks from side to side, the way Mrs. Nora would comfort them when they were children and their dad was off at some away-game and their mother was in Hollywood, making arrangements with her manager. Kaylie bites her bottom lip and unshed tears make her dark eyes glisten.

"I can't imagine how this has affected your gymnastics," Leo says sympathetically. "It's okay. I'm here now and I'm going to take care of everything, alright? I'm going to call dad and take care of mom. You just concentrate on your Double or whatever move I _perfected_ back in the day and you're trying so painfully hard to imitate."

Kaylie scowls and harshly shoves her brother in the chest. "I can land a Double Arabian, you know?"

"Sure," Leo says, his voice thick with disbelief. "On a trampoline maybe."

"On the mat."

"And _eat_ mat."

"Shut up, Leo," Kaylie says, but there's a laugh in her voice. Leo pulls his arm around Kaylie's neck and traps her in a headlock. She squirms and demands he let go. Eventually he does and strands of hair have come loose from her ponytail and she's about to start yelling when Leo moves his fingers against her sides and tickles her. Kaylie laughs and tries her best to fend him off, but Leo won't quit.

They both know they're both too old to be acting this way, but that doesn't stop Kaylie from digging her fingers into the nearest cotton pillow case and swinging it right at her brother's face. She hits Leo and he almost falls off the side of the bed and Kaylie laughs till she feels that delightful pain in her belly. They feel like children again. They almost expect for Mrs. Nora to come in and chase Leo back to his own room, letting them know that it's past both of their bedtimes.

Soon, Leo gives up and slumps back against the headboard and Kaylie hits him one last time (because she always has to have the last swing and last word) before collapsing beside him. They're both wearing smiles that stretch from one ear to the other. They rest for a moment in this bubble they've created, filled with childlike innocence and a certain magic that has time at a standstill. Kaylie shifts so she can look up at her big brother and Leo's stare is pensive, probably off in his own little world.

"Nicky Russo," she says suddenly. "Nicky Russo gave me the tulip. Well, Mrs. Nora gave it to him to give to me, but…"

"Ah, Mrs. Nora approves." Leo grins. "Russo…he's the one that was standing up there with you at Nationals, right? Haven't you learned that these forbidden Rock relationships are doomed from the start?"

"He isn't Carter," Kaylie assures Leo and then realizes what she's just said, "and we aren't dating. I mean, we flirt sometimes without even realizing it, but it's harmless and he…he likes Payson anyways. He's trying to convince himself that he doesn't, but…I can tell he still does and she likes him too, I think."

Leo's face crinkles and he scratches the back of his head in thought. "Geez, what's with you people? There's a world outside the Rock, y'know? Can't you find other people to secret-date? I mean, there are tons of people on Facebook who live on different continents and find love. Why can't you be like them? Seriously, these love-polygons are getting ridiculous."

"Shut up, Leo."

"I missed you too, sis." He smiles and sets his hand atop her head, ruffling Kaylie's hair, making it messier than it already is. Kaylie slaps his hand away and Leo can't help, but ask, "By the way, how's Emily doing? Does she ask about me?"

Kaylie smacks her brother with a pillow one last time. Under his cool and suave demeanor, when he's with his sister, Leo's a complete dork and it's confirmed by the dramatic, mock cries of pain that follow. Though, she'd never express it aloud (for fear of Leo's ego growing so big it'd crush every living thing in Boulder), but having Leo back makes her feel that maybe, just maybe, the Cruz family can be salvaged.

The next day, Kaylie walks into the Rock with a smile and everyone seems to notice. They all stop and stare, simultaneously wondering why she's arrived later than usual and why she could possibly be happy about it. It's then that Leo bursts in through the doors, pulling off his sunglasses like he's some sort of rockstar and takes in the view of his old stomping grounds. Kaylie rolls her eyes at her brother and goes straight to the locker room to get changed. She's eager to show Leo that she practically owns the Double Arabian.

The day only gets better when she finishes her floor routine and she turns just in time to catch Leo staring with his jaw dropped. It's a rule to not get cocky, but when even Leo is impressed by her routine, Kaylie can't help, but gloat at least a little. After all, throughout the course of their undying sibling rivalry, Leo's always held it over her head how he dominates in every aspect of life – most importantly gymnastics and education.

Leo has always been stronger and smarter. It's always been evident by his awards and trophies. To be completely honest, he probably still is stronger and smarter, but he couldn't pull a Double Arabian to save his life and as hard as he tries to hide it, the envy remains on his features for the rest of the day.

Leo claps loudly and woops embarrassingly and to escape it, Kaylie decides on a break. Turning towards the water cooler, she nearly knocks down another gymnast, one significantly younger and smaller.

"Whoa– I'm really sorry," Kaylie says, reaching out for the young girl's shoulders to steady her. When realization hits and Kaylie looks down on the blonde, she smiles pleasantly. "Oh, hey Becca."

"Hey, Kaylie," Becca Keeler mimics. "And don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"Well, I'm glad." Kaylie nods before turning her attention to the water, trying to ignore her brother as he acts like a complete schmoozer, chatting up all the female gymnasts, complimenting how they sure have "grown up" since the years where he practically lived at the Rock. He also keeps sending these totally obvious (nauseating) smiles over at Emily even after Kaylie repeatedly warned him to back off during the ride over.

When Kaylie comes up for air, she looks over at the young blonde that reminds everyone so much of her older sister, yet not, all at the same time. She smiles kindly and Becca gives a valiant effort to return the smile, but fails, though Kaylie isn't about to point that out. She's noticed how the young gymnast has been distracted all day and as usual, Kaylie lets her nosiness get the best of her.

"I've been so busy lately I haven't been over to visit Payson," Kaylie muses aloud. "How's she doing?"

"Fine."

It's that moment Kaylie knows something's wrong, but she doesn't show it.

"That's good." Kaylie nods. "So what's up? You look like you have a lot on your mind."

"It's nothing." Becca shrugs her shoulders up and down.

"Come on," Kaylie says encouragingly. "You can talk to me. You know, the day you were born, when your dad had to rush your mom to the hospital, Payson stayed with me and my family." Kaylie lets out a little, melancholy laugh. "We even drew you pictures and made 'welcome to the world' cards."

"I remember those," Becca says softly. "They're in my Baby Book."

"Yup." Kaylie smiles. "I remember Payson being so excited to have a little sister. She'd talk nonstop about gymnastics being something the two of you could do together and her teaching you how to tumble and eventually throw tricks. Honestly, I've always been a bit jealous. Payson got you and I'm stuck with Leo."

Becca giggles and it makes Kaylie smile, seeing the young girl break her pensive gaze. A silent moment passes and Becca reverts back to her blank stares, letting her eyes drop to the ground. Kaylie swallows an impatient huff. She wishes Becca would just tell her what's wrong so they can really talk instead of continuing to ignore the elephant in the room, snacking on Planters peanuts.

"Sometimes I don't think it's worth it, keeping up my training when Payson can't," Becca starts. She pauses for a moment to organize her thoughts and then loudly sighs. "Gymnastics isn't something Pay and I can do together anymore. Every time I come home from practice, Payson can't even look at me and when I told my mom I finally perfected my back handspring without a trampoline, well, she said only nice things, but I could tell she was terrified and dad's never around…"

"Becca, do you love gymnastics?" Kaylie asks. Becca lifts her chin. Their eyes lock.

"I love Payson," Becca says definitively. "And I don't want to do something that'll hurt her."

There's such wisdom and ambiguity in what she says, such powerful words coming from such a small voice. They hit Kaylie hard, almost as if Little Keeler physically backslapped her across the face. Kaylie gets this coiling feeling within her belly and it fills her entirely. She can feel it in the tips of her toes, the pads of her fingertips and thick in her throat. Worst of all, Kaylie knows it's guilt, guilt over not calling, over being self-centered, over moving in on Nicky.

Kaylie doesn't know why it took Becca Keeler to make her see what's been going on lately. For one, she hasn't checked up on Payson in what feels like forever. Payson made it clear after that showdown with the cheerleaders in front of the high school, that she doesn't need to be checked up on, but friends are supposed to be annoyingly caring and do things like that. Kaylie not so much.

Kaylie realizes that she's been so wrapped up in her own problems, the problems of her family, that she hardly pays any attention to what's happening around her. Seeing Becca Keeler in the state she is, seeing someone else other than Kaylie Cruz suffering, is a wake up call to say the least.

Then there's Nicky. Dear, sweet, insufferable Nicky, her choice distraction through all this. They've agreed to be friends and they are friends, but sometimes, it feels different and she hopes it's all in her head. She hopes there's some psychological explanation, her needing and using Nicky to fill the void left behind by Carter, by her father, by her mother. She needs someone to make her feel like she can hold on to someone, something, anything. And there's Nicky, even though Payson's had dibs from the very start (even if she wouldn't admit it). Kaylie should know better.

It's then when Kaylie starts to panic. It's the way Becca's looking at her right now.

What does she know? Does she know anything?

As a chill passes down Kaylie's spine, it sure feels like it.

"Hey, what are you two up to?" Nicky asks. He rounds his arm around Kaylie's shoulders and she immediately stiffens. Nicky doesn't notice her reaction, smiling down at Becca, who's face lights up like it's Christmas. Nicky would make an amazing brother-in-law.

"We're just, uh, talking," Kaylie says quickly.

"Some girl-to-girl bonding, huh?" Nicky asks. Kaylie nods. "Boring."

Kaylie narrows her eyes. "Sorry. Not all of us eat, sleep and breathe gymnastics. Some of us don't mind actual human contact from time to time."

"Again, boring." Nicky laughs. His eyes then fly to Becca. "If you know what's good for you, don't listen to anything Kaylie Cruz tells you, especially if it pertains to gymnastics, driving and her taste in boys. God knows she's horrible with all three."

Kaylie makes a sound of annoyance and knocks his arm off her shoulders.

"No, I trust Kaylie," Becca disagrees.

Kaylie's face noticeably brightens. "Aw, thanks, Becca. At least someone does."

"Kaylie's like my other older sister," Becca explains to Nicky. Then her eyes, eyes that remind her so much of Payson it's almost painful, connect with Kaylie's dark orbs once again. "Kaylie's family."

It's either that beyond Becca Keeler's innocent front, the kid knows more than she's letting on or Kaylie's literally losing her mind.

"I'm here for my granddaughter! I must find my granddaughter! It's an emergency!" a voice says loudly. It's enough to bounce off the walls and even distract a few gymnasts. The three hanging out by the water cooler all turn at the same time.

There's an older woman towards the front of the gym with Summer who looks confused as she tries to calm the frantic old lady. She's kind of adorable in that way old people are adorable with their snow white, fluffy hair and pale, wrinkled skin. She's dressed in floral cottons and she's lugging around a gigantic leather bag. The more Kaylie stares, the more familiar the elderly woman appears. For some reason, Kaylie's sure she's at least seen, if not met, the woman at least once before.

"Grams?" Becca calls in confusion. "Wow, usually she totally forgets to pick me up. Today she's an hour and a half early."

"Becca!" the elderly woman shouts. "Becca, come quick!"

"Grams, chill," the youngster says. "It's too early to be picking me up."

"Becca, you need to grab your things and we need to leave," Grams says once she crosses the gym and stands right in front of Becca, Nicky and Kaylie stepping back to give the Keelers some space. A tense moment passes, the little girl's doe eyes meet those of her grandmother's. Becca's eyes glaze over and her bottom lip begins to tremble. Nicky and Kaylie trade looks of bewilderment.

"Grams," Becca breathes shakily, "what happened to Payson?"

Becca Keeler must be all-knowing because it's that exact moment where her grandmother looks away. She can't even manage to look the young gymnast in the eyes.

"Gather your things, baby," the woman says. Her voice is so soothing, the way a grandmother's should be. Grams lets her hands settle on Becca's shoulders and she offers the young girl a reassuring smile. "We need to go."

There are no further questions. Becca hurries off to the locker room.

Kaylie turns towards Nicky, to try to make sense of everything that's happening, but when she looks, Nicky isn't by her side anymore.

"Ma'am," Nicky says gently, approaching Becca and Payson's grandmother. His face is concerned, eyebrows askew and eyes begging for answers. "I'm Nicky Russo, a. uh, friend of Payson's. Can you please tell me what's going on? Did something go wrong with the surgery?"

"Surgery?" Kaylie nearly shouts from behind. "What surgery?"

"You knew?" Grams questions.

"She told me herself," Nicky says. "Ma'am, I really need to know."

A moment passes and Grams is surely scrutinizing the young stranger before her, but she will give in, she has to. Anyone with eyes could see the apprehension written across Nicky's face, the yearning for answers, the unadulterated love. Kaylie sees it.

"I'm ready, Grams," Becca reports.

"Alright," Grams says, taking Becca by elbow. She then throws Nicky a look over her shoulder. "Nicky Russo, huh? She talks about you all the time. I think you should come with us."

"Now?" Nicky hesitates for a moment. "But, I–"

"There's no time," Grams hisses. "If you're coming along, we need to go now."

They start walking to the door and Nicky steps forward, just to step back.

"Nicky, go," Kaylie says finally. He looks at her and for some reason there's something different in his eyes. She looks back and notices how it isn't the concern she saw when he initially found out that there might be something wrong with Payson. It looks like an expression just for Kaylie, almost as if he's asking for her permission, and coming to this realization, just the thought of him needing her approval before going, she feels extremely uncomfortable.

"I'll, um, I'll take care of Sasha. I'm sure he'll understand," Kaylie goes on. Her eyes are on his shoes. She just can't seem to look back at him. "Just make sure she's okay, alright?"

Nicky nods firmly and Kaylie knows for a fact that he'll take that promise to the grave. After all, if there's ever been someone in her life that could possibly fill that cookie-cutter white knight image in her head, it's Nicky Russo. As he walks away, however; Kaylie can't help, but remind herself that Nicky, as great of a friend as he's proven to be, will never be her knight in shining armor.

After all, proven by the way he dropped everything, even gymnastics, at the just the thought of trouble, it's clear Nicky is Payson's white knight, her prince charming, and despite this odd feeling in her gut, as Payson's oldest friend, her sister, Kaylie respects that.

...

Nicky tries to keep his hands from trembling as he follows Grams and Becca in his own car. He runs through the breathing exercises he usually does when he starts to get psyched out before a meet. He wishes he could ask questions. He even tried to ask questions, but Grandma Keeler wouldn't let anything slip. He realizes what an honor it is to be asked to come along so he falls into a courteous silence and just goes with it.

"_Nicky Russo, huh? She talks about you. All the time…"_

Something within twists with guilt and Nicky starts chewing on his inner cheek. He feels guilty because all this time, all the time that's passed since the last time they met, that fight on her front porch, he's been trying to convince himself that he felt nothing for Payson. He's wrapped himself up in Kaylie's drama, used his supposed friend as a distraction, something to keep him from thinking about what's always on his mind – Payson.

He must have typed out at least a hundred text messages, most he'd delete, some he'd save as a draft, but all of them left unsent. Nicky Russo has always been a man of pride, one that holds his head high, never admits defeat and, above all, never apologizes first. His pride kept him from talking to Payson, from being there for her when she needed him most and now look how that's turned out.

Everything's a mess.

When he finally parks his car and follows the Keelers, they endure a tense elevator ride and swiftly navigate the hallways. Nicky holds his breath, expecting to turn a corner to see his father with a zombie-like expression on his face, looking over some charts or talking quietly with a nurse. Luckily, it never happens. With Nicky's head in such turmoil, a whirlwind of guilt and fear and stress, seeing his father would have made him snap for sure.

"Mom!" Becca shouts. She suddenly takes off in a sprint and Mrs. Keeler, looking awfully pale and distressed, welcomes her youngest daughter into her open arms. "Mom, what's wrong? Is Payson okay?"

"Shh, everything will be okay, Becca. Don't you worry," Mrs. Keeler coos. Nicky walks awkwardly besides Grams, feeling rather out-of-place, seeing as his last name isn't Keeler. He stands there, a bit off to the side, and waits to be addresses. When Mrs. Keeler finally notices him, she blinks, looking rather confused herself. "Nicky?"

"Mrs. Keeler," he addresses her politely.

"Nicky's worried about Payson," Becca says. Despite being a rather precocious child, she doesn't have much tact. Nicky suppresses a wince of embarrassment, praying to God it doesn't show on his face.

Mrs. Keeler only nods, looking between Becca and Nicky. "Well, there were some problems with the surgery. The way the doctors explained it to me, there was a leakage of fluid around the spinal nerve and there was lots of scarring and inflammation."

"What does that mean?" Nicky asks. He's certain his voice cracked towards the end of his question, but that's the least of his worries.

"It means there were some complications which isn't very surprising with experimental surgery," Mrs. Keeler explains. Her voice hitches high in her throat for a moment and she takes a deep breath before going on, "The good news is they've finally managed to stabilize her. Right now they've taken her to the Post Anesthesia Care Unit and she's being watched closely by a nurse. We won't be able to tell the extent of the damage until she's fully awake."

"Full extent?" Becca repeats, sounding almost angry and surely scared. "Like she won't be able to walk again?"

"We don't know yet, baby," she whispers, tightening her arms around her daughter. Her eyes are puffy and a single tear traces the curve of her cheek. "All we can do until the doctors update us is wait and pray for the best."

"I'll wait too," Nicky says. He's only noticed now that he's been pacing the entire time.

"Nicky, that's sweet of you," Mrs. Keeler says. "But it could be hours. You don't have to–"

"With all due respect, Mrs. Keeler, I do," Nicky replies. "I walked away from Payson once and I'm not making that mistake again."

Mrs. Keeler agrees with a nod and so they wait.

* * *

**Author's note: **Well, that didn't end on the best note, but it does set up the next chapter quite nicely. It wouldn't be a good enough story, in my opinion, without a love triangle and I have my reservations about how Kaylie-Nicky-Payson could pan out, but that's right, I'm doing it. On the brighter side of the chapter, writing Leo was super fun! I took a lot of artistic licensing since I could barely remember him on the show and this is after all, an Alternate Universe, _My_ Universe (oh you poor people), but he is a great character.

I haven't had the time to reply to reviews in a while because I suck, but I really do take into consideration every review I get and all the feedback does shape the way I write, what I put into the story and what I remove. Also I'd like to thank everyone who reads (even if you don't review) I hope you're enjoying the story even in your silence.


	8. A Bubble

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Eight: A Bubble**

Nicky stops going into the Rock for early morning practices. Kaylie stops asking why.

"What is it?"

"A phoenix."

"Really, Nicky?" Payson Keeler's face twists in doubt. "It looks like a one-legged chicken."

"Don't mock an artist, Keeler," Nicky scolds, sitting straight in the wooden seat beside her bed. "It's a phoenix. You've heard of them, right? Near the end of a phoenix's life, it ignites and burns and is reduced to ashes. Then, from the ash, a new phoenix arises, reborn anew to live again, stronger than it was before, even. Like you'll be."

Nicky smiles softly as he watches Payson still scrutinizing his doodle. These early morning visits, sometimes to talk quietly or good around or just enjoy another's presence, have become somewhat of a routine in the last few weeks. In the beginning, she desperately pushed him away, shouting for him to leave, instructing the nurses to notify security and toss him out. Payson was too proud, too ashamed and it's something Nicky can understand. Put in her situation, he probably would have done the same.

Instead of how the aftermath of California played out, of how Nicky called her to no avail and gave up too soon, instead of giving up and tossing away perfectly good chocolate on Valentines Day, Nicky fought. Despite Payson's efforts to keep him away, come back every day before going to the Rock to train and every night following training. Most days he never saw her at all, but he kept hope alive.

It was only last night that Payson finally caved and allowed him to see her. They talked for hours, walls reduced to rubble and apologies slipping left and right. She tells him she's sorry for the way she's acted, how she was in such a dark place the first time she was injured, the pain she went through to try and move on and then the blinding optimism that came with the slightest chance of recovery, of returning to gymnastics.

In turn, Nicky apologizes for not believing in her, for not supporting her when she clearly needed him. He tells her how the very idea of something else going wrong, the idea of losing her completely, was just too much for him to handle. He's dabbled with Cortisone himself, he saw what happened to her the first time and he knew the risk. Despite not knowing how to express his feelings to her, he cared too much about her to encourage her to take that chance.

They've screamed and yelled, laughed and cried and now he refuses to leave her side.

The television is on in the corner of the hospital room and earlier Payson tried to explain the premise of the show to Nicky. It's one of those silly sitcoms she's taken up to watching with her grandmother between doing homework and sleeping during her days as a normal high school student. It's also when Nicky lost interest fairly quickly and doodled on the back of Payson's hand with a ballpoint pen.

"Hate to break it to you, Nicky, but you should probably stick to gymnastics," Payson says laughingly. She slips her hand free from Nicky's and starts ripping off the foil top of a plastic cup of chocolate pudding. He stares at her a moment, shocked. It's the first time she's mentioned gymnastics without even a flicker of pain on her face.

"Alright. Who are you and what have you done to Payson Keeler?" Nicky asks cautiously.

Payson looks at him with a little, amused smile. "What are you talking about, Nicky?"

Nicky dramatically looks from side to side before whispering, "You just said the G-word."

"Wow. Are you sure you aren't Becca's age? She just asked me the same thing the other day," Payson muses. She dips her plastic spoon into the cup of pudding and brings a glob of chocolaty goodness to her mouth. Nicky leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his abdomen, completely perplexed. He starts to question if this entire encounter is merely a figment of his imagination.

"It's called Morphine," a voice cuts-in. Becca Keeler comes bouncing into the room and hops atop Payson's bed, situating herself at her older sister's feet. She looks at Nicky and manages a small smile. "You're lucky you chose a good time to see her, Newbie. Just wait six hours. Pay goes Godzilla."

"Thanks a lot, Becca," Payson says dryly. "I'm right here, you know?"

Becca smiles sweetly. "Hey Pay. How's the pudding?"

"That's one thing I won't miss about gymnastics. All that strict dieting," Payson says. It's obvious by her expression that she's yet to catch herself and only now does Becca's words register with Nicky. The doctors have Payson on postoperative Morphine. They've numbed her to the pain, apparently all the pain, not just the physical.

"Hey, watch it. Gymnast in the room," Nicky says, releasing the breath he's been holding in anticipation of Payson retreating back to that dark place she's made her home for the last few months. It doesn't come and Nicky feels that gives him permission to relax a bit and jest.

Payson scowls playfully. "No. There's a big difference between male gymnasts and female gymnasts. You guys burn through calories so fast without getting fatigued that you can eat carbs by the truckload while we always have to settle for half a grapefruit and natural yogurt."

"Or food that looks like real food, but with half the calories and taste like sawdust," Becca adds, pulling a look of disgust.

"Knock, knock."

It's a rather musical voice, musical in the sense that it moves from very low to very high in a smooth and almost comical transition. It's a voice Nicky's certain he's never heard before. He watches with alarm as Payson's face lights up much like the way a city does once the sun hits the horizon. Her eye sparkle like diamonds and her lips curve into the smile. Nicky likes to think it's the Morphine again, erasing her pain and heightening her elation. It tugs at his heartstrings, knowing she might have looked at him in a similar manner once before, but not recently.

Nicky wants to think it's her father, but as the stick figure of a boy moves closer, his hope dies.

"Pay-Pay," the skinny boy addresses her. Nicky makes a face of disagreement. Pay-Pay? Really?

"Ike!" Payson almost cheers. She catches herself this time, forcing her smile down into one of amused annoyance, an expression Payson's famous for. "Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

"Aw, Payson, you know even if you weren't in the hospital, I'd still be cutting class," he says. The honesty fills every lighthearted word. "But instead of spending it out back with a joint and a brew, I'm here for you. Always have and always will. Don't you forget it." He winks.

This Ike, dressed in a faded jacket and jeans, clothes that make him look like a homeless squatter, dramatically clutches his heart and it makes Payson giggle, which is unnatural in itself. He walks in, pale skinned and scraggly haired, a knitted beanie atop his head and a smile on his lips. He gives Becca a playful poke and she pushes him away, but smiles all the while. He settles down on the other side of Payson's bed and the two share this stare that makes Nicky more uncomfortable than he already is. It's a shared gaze so intimate yet without any actual physical contact. It's baffling, really.

"Hey dude. What's up?" It takes Nicky a moment to realize that Ike is talking to him.

"Um, hey," Nicky says when he finally comes to, feeling rather out-of-place.

"Ike, this is my friend from the Rock, Nicky Russo," Payson says casually. "Nicky, this is Ike."

"Her BFF from school," Ike tacks on with a grin. "It's nice to meet you, man."

"You too." Nicky nods. "Speaking of the Rock, I, um, better get going…"

"Do you really?" Payson asks. She's making this face that's begging him to stay and Nicky would probably give in, but then Payson gets distracted, catching Ike trying to steal her pudding cup. Her attention immediately goes to him as she slaps his hand away despite the way he's feigning innocence.

"Yeah, you of all people know how it is. Gymnasts have to train," Nicky says. He doesn't know what to do with his hands and awkwardly shoves them deep into the pockets of his jeans. "And I don't think I'll be able to make it back tonight. There are a few things I need to take care of…"

"Don't worry. I'll keep the Keelers entertained," Ike assures him. "I've got everything under control."

"Thanks for coming by, Nicky," Payson says. Nicky sees that through her cloudy eyes, there's some sincerity there and it makes him smile. He waves goodbye and gives Becca's shoulder a warm squeeze before he walks to the door.

Pausing, Nicky takes a moment to look back at them. Ike suggests a board game and the three start playfully quarreling over which they'll play. It looks like a picture out of a magazine with Payson smiling, Becca giggling and Ike being the main attraction, keeping the two rolling with laughter. It's a picture Nicky doesn't seem to fit into. Despite the sudden bout of loneliness that hits him, Nicky concentrates on how happy they all seem. In the end, that's all that really matters.

The rest of the day seems to wear on at a painfully slow rate. It does nothing for Nicky's mood that one of his fellow gymnasts nearly chews his head off for apparently "hogging the horse." Nicky's chest puffs out and he bites his lip to keep from snapping at the boy who's name isn't important enough for Nicky to know and whose neck is hardly deserving of any ribbons or metals judging on the way in which he maneuvers himself around the horse once Nicky heatedly stomps away.

His head's in a different place entirely. Nicky can't seem to stop thinking about how much everything has changed. He remembers the way he was once so entranced by Payson Keeler, taking every chance he could to talk to her. He remembers that giddy feeling he'd get, seeing her perfect a dismount and the way she smiled as if to say, if life is this good, how can anything in the world be that bad? Now he isn't so much entranced, but scared to death for her. Talking to her is like walking on eggshells and it's hard to see good in anything.

Nicky's still unable to overcome that stab of guilt he feels every time he sees her lying in that hospital bed. A trip in time would show that he's the cause of all this. He supplied her with the cortisone. If it wasn't for him and his desperate need for an excuse to talk to her, Payson wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place. There wouldn't be a need for Payson to leave gymnastics and meet Ike. Nicky would have never gotten close to Kaylie.

_Kaylie. _

Nicky's eyes sweep across the crowded gym and he finds her across the room with Lauren. Their eyes meet unexpectedly and she quickly looks away. Slightly confused, Nicky's head tilts to the side as he watches her trying to appear engaged in a conversation with Lauren when there's so much evidence against it. He's itching to talk to her and he would be right now if it wasn't for Lauren who's always freaking there despite their distant friendship.

Nicky quickly whips out his cell phone and sends her a text. _Hey you. Let's hang out tonight._

He watches from afar as Kaylie looks startled for a moment and then glances at the screen of her cell phone. Her expression is pensive for a moment and then her eyes are on Lauren once again, pretending to be listening about the latest fashion in leotards or how nice it is to not have Kelly Parker around anymore. Meanwhile, Nicky's expression screams, _what the hell?_

She's ignoring him. Plain and simple. Still, Nicky can't wrap his head around the concept. Why?

For the second time in one day, Nicky Russo finds himself completely alone.

...

Leo's introduced Kaylie to this concept of a "family dinner" even if it's just the two of them. Tonight, however, the table is set for three.

"Did you invite some girl over? Because I can just…leave. The last thing I want to do is play third wheel on your hot date."

"Kaylie, just go with it."

She sighs loudly and rests against the tall, straight back of the wooden chair that was obviously meant for someone taller. The well-lit dinning room of the Cruz household smells divine and if the heavenly scent couldn't put a stop to Kaylie's whining, her fatigue does. She'd never admit it, not even to herself, let alone aloud, but training isn't nearly as bearable without Nicky. It's almost intolerable especially with Leo stalking around the place, hitting on girls and criticizing her technique.

"I don't know why Sasha lets you hang around the Rock," Kaylie complains. "You're a distraction."

"Because I've still got it," Leo corrects. "Sasha knows good help when he sees it."

"Help?" Kaylie sneers. "So that's what you think you're doing. Really, Leo, because it looks like you're flirting with little girls who aren't even old enough to see rated-R movies and being obnoxious to distract me."

"Newsflash, Kaylie, you're always distracted. You're like a dog watching cars go by," Leo snorts. Kaylie's about to point out how that makes no sense when Leo goes on to say, "You're just upset because Nicky Russo keeps ditching you."

That jabs a button with Kaylie and it's evident by the way she falls silent and stares at the place setting before her. It's also evident by the way Leo's face twists with regret. He places the last set of silverware down on the table before sliding into the seat across from his little sister. He nervously drives his fingers through his hair and fumbles for the right words to say.

"He's a douche, Kay. It's his loss."

Judging by Kaylie's enraged facial expression, those weren't the words.

"I'm not hungry," she says simply, pushing her chair back.

"Chef prepared fresh salmon!" Leo says like it's a valid argument when Kaylie could care less.

As Kaylie walks to the stairs, her brother's words only remind her of their mother, how Ronnie always insisted on playing perfect hostess, trying to cook everything herself (and failing). Then a Chef shows up the day after Kaylie found her mother breaking down. It seems Ronnie didn't want Kaylie to starve as she willingly and knowingly gave in to depression. She didn't even try. It's just disgusting to think about.

"Kaylie, where are you going?"

With one hand on the banister, Kaylie freezes. It isn't Leo's voice.

There at the top of the steps is Ronnie Cruz, out of bed, her outfit consisting of a simple plum blouse and skirt, a welcomed change from the usual bathrobe. Her hair is pulled up neatly and it goes to show her lack of eating habits, cheeks starting to sink in, the curve of her face losing its fullness in favor of sharp, bony edges. Her eyes are darker than they should be and she looks so, so tired.

"Mom," Kaylie manages to mumble.

"Something smells good," Ronnie comments.

"Hey, mom," Leo says loudly. He sounds like a child, so hopeful, while all Kaylie feels is empty.

"Leo," Ronnie calls to her first born. "What's for dinner?"

"Salmon," he replies cautiously. "It's, um, ready if you are."

Ronnie turns to her daughter. "Kaylie, ready for dinner?"

"No," she says resolutely, teeth gritting, heart ready to explode.

"Don't be silly, Kaylie," Ronnie playfully scolds her. "You're a gymnast, the national champion, no less. You need to keep your strength up and that won't happen if you don't eat so come on. Let's go. We're eating as a family."

Ronnie walks down the majestic staircase, clinging to the banister for dear life. Leo and Kaylie stand at the foot of the stairs, hoping and praying she doesn't slip and fall. By the way she's smiling, Ronnie's obviously trying to hide how each step is taking a toll on her. She's so weak and her two kids are watching her carefully as if she was made of glass and ready to shatter any moment. Really, that's what happens when you give up living.

This all feels so bizarre after all the nights Kaylie spent either eating alone or with Nicky or when Leo came along, with him. It feels weird to be sitting across from her mother, the shell of the woman who once took America by storm. It's painfully silent as Leo brings out the salmon on a silver platter. It's bright pink with dark score marks from the grill and surrounded by bright, juicy vegetables.

"The Chef left instructions to just heat it up before eating," Leo says, just to say something. "Not even I could mess that up."

"Yeah, right," Kaylie says with a raspy laugh. "Remember that time we tried to bake a cake for dad's birthday? We set off the fire alarm and the fire department came and everything. Mrs. Nora was out back, working on the garden at the time. Wow, she was furious, but dad loved his burnt mush nonetheless."

Kaylie smiles at the fond memory, but it isn't until silence surrounds them that she realizes what she's done, what she's said. Her eyes dart over to Leo first and his brows are skewed, looking like he's mentally preparing himself for World War III. Her gaze then lands on her mother whose own eyes, ones almost identical to Kaylie's, are lifeless. She's cold and distance. Really, a statue could be sitting in that chair across from Kaylie and there wouldn't be much of a difference.

"Has dad called lately?" Kaylie asks.

"Kaylie," Leo hisses her name. His own anger is rising. "Drop. It."

"What?"

"This isn't the time," Leo says. He's looking at her like she's stupid for even mentioning him.

"Okay, this is ridiculous." Kaylie lets the fork slip from her fingers and crash against the ceramic plate. She waits a moment, a pause that's long enough for her mother to show her own anger, to reprimand her for her inexcusable behavior and foul language. Ronnie doesn't even move and it's then that Kaylie knows her mother's nothing, but a lost cause.

Kaylie feels the anger starting to well up inside of her. She's angry at both her mom and Leo at this point. If she's being honest, she's even a little upset with herself. How could they possibly act like nothing's happened, like nothing has changed when everything has? How can they even attempt a cheerful front when everyone knows everything's so badly broken? It all just makes Kaylie's head spin.

After what feels like years, it's Leo who steps up. "Kaylie, she's trying, alright? Cut her some slack."

"It isn't good enough," Kaylie says in reply. "She's supposed to be the adult here. She's supposed to be taking care of us, Leo! Look at her. She's the reason dad's gone and she doesn't have anyone to blame, but herself. I'm not going to sit here and pretend everything's okay when it's not. That's just bullshit."

Kaylie stand abruptly and Leo shoots up in his seat too.

"Where are you going?" he demands.

"I can't breathe in here," she says simply.

Leo's eyes are a brewing storm and he's ready to unleash it on his fleeing sister when a hand covers his own. It's almost as if the sudden contact absorbs all his anger because Leo lets out the breath and looks at his mother whose dark eyes are glistening with tears. She's looking up at him, almost pleadingly, and Leo feels his heart break a little.

"Let her go," Ronnie whispers. "She has a right to be angry."

A door slams and Leo sinks back down into his seat. "Kaylie's a little brat."

"She's still young, Leo," Ronnie says soothingly. "And she has a point."

Leo mumbles incoherently, but then feels his mother's cold, bony hand frame his chiseled face. She leans up like it's taking all the energy she has with in her and presses a kiss to his forehead. Ronnie whispers a, "thank you for trying." Mumbling something about feeling faint and needing to go back to bed, Ronnie stands shakily and departs, leaving Leo sitting there, frustrated and so, so helpless.

...

_There's a park with a rocket ship. Meet me there. _

Nicky shoots straight up in his bed after he reads the text message. He's been lying in bed, shrouded in complete darkness, letting his thoughts project like stop motion films against the back of his eyelids. Sleep simply refused to take him and Nicky was starting to get frustration when his phone buzzed. He nearly jumped out of bed at the sight of Kaylie's name across the front screen of his cell.

She doesn't specify a time so Nicky quickly pushes his sheets aside and climbs from his bed. He searches around in the dark for clothes, settling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt he finds on the floor. Not overly concerned with his appearance, Nicky twists his clothes on before he's out the door.

He doesn't need to Goggle maps this park and that's a good thing because it's doubtful even with the advancements of today's technology that the computer will spit out coordinates with "park with a rocket ship" typed into the search engine. Nicky knows the park isn't too far so he walks. For as long as he's been in Boulder, he's passed that elaborate playground many times. It's one that he's seen in his dreams, but never had the chance to play on, always too busy with gymnastics.

Nicky walks at a leisurely pace, hands in his pockets, embracing the pleasantly quiet night. He breathes in night's natural scent of dew, grass and wet concrete. He's always enjoyed breathing space, without clusters of people and noisy cars and Colorado's constant sunshine. He enjoys this moment because he's always so busy rushing from place to place on a day to day basis. It's just nice to put some space between the crushing reality and steal a moment of peace.

The sky is so dark and the stars are so bright. Nicky busies himself with naming all the constellations his eyes can see, but then a rocket ship structure comes into view and he knows he's arrived at the right place. There's a figure in the distance, standing in the middle of the biggest field in the park, all perfect, green grass laid out for yards. Her head is bent over and her dark hair covers her facial features completely, but Nicky knows it's Kaylie. He just does.

"Kaylie," Nicky says, somber yet friendly. She looks up and there's such sadness in her eyes that Nicky can't look away, no matter how intrigued he is by their surroundings. He's instantly filled with concern and takes a step closer. He reaches out to take her hand and Kaylie pulls away, her movement erratic, almost violent.

"What's with you?" Nicky asks gently.

"What's with me?" Kaylie repeats, appearing outraged. She takes a step closer to him and Nicky grits his teeth, trying to keep still, stay in place and show her that he isn't intimidated even if he kind of is. "Nicky, why didn't you tell me Payson was having surgery?"

Random attack much? Apparently, the rocket ship playground is going to have to wait.

"She didn't want me telling anyone," Nicky replies defensively. "Payson asked me to keep it a secret and I did. I thought you said you understood that."

"Secrets are like who you had your first kiss with or how many cupcakes you really eat after dinner, not like suicide or experimental surgery," Kaylie says sharply. Her voice is starting to grow into a shrill panic and Nicky can't help, but pick up on its elements of fear. It's Nicky's turn to take a step towards her and firmly set his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm or at least steady her.

"I'm sorry," Nicky whispers. It takes a lot for him to admit, but in the shadows of the park that surrounds them, Nicky can almost accept that it's the first time he's said it in quite a while and to Kaylie Cruz of all people. He hopes it'll be their own little unspoken secret.

"So when you said you got into a fight with Payson that's what it was about?"

Nicky lets his hands fall from contact with her and he lets out a heated breath. He can't even look at her as he replies, "Yeah. I didn't want her to go through with the surgery and I told her that. She took it as me not believing in her and that's essentially why we stopped talking."

Kaylie scowls. "What kind of person am I? My best friend was hurting and I didn't even notice."

"It's understandable, with what you're going through. Plus, it isn't like Payson was advertising it."

"She shouldn't have to," Kaylie says quickly. "And why are you defending me?"

"Because that's what friends do."

"Are we?" She asks. Her voice sounds strained and hoarse. "Friends, I mean."

"Of course," Nicky replies, not knowing the answer she wants to hear. "What else would we be?"

"I don't know. It's just…lately…" Kaylie's voice dies in her throat and Nicky finds himself choking with anticipation, desperate for her to finish her thought. By the way she avoids looking at him and digs her fingernails into her palms to form shaky fists, Nicky doubts he'll be getting his wish. "I yelled at my mom tonight. She was out of bed and cleaned up and _trying_ and I…I ruined it. I ruin everything."

She turns away. Nicky reaches out to her, hesitates and brings his hand back to his side.

"And I don't want to ruin this," Kaylie says. Her words strike Nicky with such force he's surprised he's still standing. It may be mostly dark, only having the stars and streetlamps far in the distance to guide them, but Nicky can see her eyes quite clearly. He sees the longing in her dark orbs and wishes he doesn't. "So I have a sort of confession…"

He hopes she can't see the longing in his own. Quickly, he covers his desire with paranoia.

"Kaylie–"

"I use you, Nicky," she says quietly. Those weren't the words he was expecting. He was expecting her to continue what she had been saying earlier, about how lately things have been shifting with them. Before Payson's failed surgery, they had been so in sync they might as well have merged into a single person. They might as well have been dating. Nicky's a little disturbed that he'd even consider risking such a solid friendship, but then he realizes Kaylie's still talking.

"…I don't really get it myself," she says shakily. "It's like, when I'm around you, the fact that you'd want to be around me, it makes everything, all my problems at the gym and with my family, seem so small, almost nonexistent, you know? For just a couple minutes out of the day I'm not expected to be anything. Just Kaylie."

"Well, if that's your definition of 'using me' then I use you right back," Nicky responds. "Friendship, it's a two-way street, Princess. I like hanging out with you because I don't have to think about anything else. It is what it is. Nice and easy. I don't think I've had that with anyone before, not even Payson."

"I know what you mean," Kaylie assures him. "I've been missing that – _this_ lately."

"I'm sorry," Nicky says again, scratching the back of his head.

"It isn't your fault," she responds. "Things are…complicated. I understand that."

"Do you really?" he asks, lightheartedly lifting both brows. "The truth this time, Kaylie."

"Nicky Russo, if anyone knows complicated, it's me," Kaylie replies. "God, I know you're probably going to think this sounds stupid, but sometimes I really wish I was a Princess and all I have to worry about is not losing my glass slipper at the ball."

Kaylie laughs at herself and Nicky's so really to tease her about how absolutely lame she sounded, but he's interrupted by a sharp, hissing sound. He barely has a moment to think before he feels a stinging and ice cold sensation shoot him right between his shoulder blades. He cries out, an awkward, straggling sound that makes Kaylie laugh right before she too screams. Suddenly, they're both being drenched with water from every direction. Nicky feels Kaylie stick close to his side as if to use him as a shield and that's when they both realize it's the sprinkler system.

The little black projectiles pop free from the insanely green grass and spin from side to side, launching streaks of water carelessly across the field, completely unaware of Nicky and Kaylie's shouts of protest. Nicky feels his t-shirt growing heavier and heavier and he quickly takes action, an arm curling around Kaylie's waist as he ushers her towards the playground.

It's all a blur of darkness, flying water and sneakers slipping against wet grass. They pick up speed, despite hardly being able to see, and Kaylie has to grasp tightly to Nicky's forearm when his feet slip out from under him a couple times. Kaylie whips back her wet locks of hair, trying to get them out of her face and she even hits Nicky a few times. He's sure to complain, but Kaylie only calls him a baby and continues on.

They eventually make it to the rocket ship structure and try to steady their breathing. Nicky plants his hands on his knees, trying to fill his lungs with air and calm his rushing heart. He wipes his hands on his shirt, but finds it does nothing to dry them. He feels a curse in his throat, but then he hears something, like music to his ears, a sound that's become a rare privilege to hear these past few weeks.

A laugh. Kaylie's laugh.

She looks mad, leaning back against a red rocket ship, pressing her hands to her diaphragm to keep from toppling over with hysteric laughter. She's soaked to the bone and beads of water are starting to gather at the tips of her dark hair, dripping like droplets from a spout. It isn't long before Nicky finds himself joining in on the laughter and it feels so good, so freeing, such a welcomed change from the broody expression that's made his face its current residence.

Nicky soon slips to the ground and leans back against the base of the rocket ship, yet again trying to catch his breath. Kaylie soon sinks down beside him, her shoulder knocking against his as she does. She rubs at her eyes and then turns to him. It's only then that Nicky realizes he's been staring at her for quite some time now. A smile unfolds across his face and he looks without a care in the world and as she smiles back, Kaylie seems just as content.

However, it doesn't take long for the laughter to fade and both to realize how close they are.

Nicky knows for a solid, concrete fact that if he were to lean in and kiss Kaylie Cruz, she wouldn't pull away. He knows because they're in this alternate Utopian universe, their bubble, where only the two of them exist and nothing else seems to matter. Nicky knows he could have her, that a part of her wants him too. In this moment, they could just pretend that Payson would understand. Now, especially with Ike in the picture, everyone can have their happy ending and all it'd take is his lips against hers…

Nicky Russo feels like the strongest man alive, not because of his muscles, but because, instead of giving into temptation, into fantasy, he slowly, discretely leans his head away.

He watches as the light of what-could-have-been and almost-was leaves Kaylie's eyes, but she lets him know that he's still in her good graces, that he did the right thing and they're still in their bubble, a bubble of friendship, as she rests her head against his shoulder.

Kaylie laughs again, a softer, more subdued sound. "What the hell was that, right?"

Nicky pauses a moment before he realizes she means the sprinklers. He takes a breath, allowing reality the time it needs to sink in once more before he replies, "Yeah. They should really put signs up or something." Nicky pulls on his shirt that's clinging to his skin and groans. "Great. My shirt's ruined."

"Like you don't have a million plain white t-shirts in your closet back at your palace," Kaylie exclaims. "Plus, I've been to your house, Nicky. I've seen you in your natural environment. You walk around the place, shirtless, all the time, like you're Jacob Black or something."

"Wow, on top of being so deluded that you actually think people live in palaces, you're a Twilight fan," Nicky says teasingly. "Wow, Kaylie, just…wow. Remind me why we're friends again."

"Because without me, you'd probably choke on your own ego and die."

The longer they sit there and poke fun at each other, the smaller and smaller that gateway of opportunity and temptation gets. At the end of the day, Nicky doesn't regret not taking that chance that presented itself with such painful blatancy. How could he regret anything as he's sitting with Kaylie Cruz, picking blades of grass from her hair as she locks her fingers with his and curls into his side?

They have each other and their bubble. In this moment, that's all either really needs.

* * *

**Author's note**: It was my birthday last weekend so I couldn't post, but here you go! Reviews work as belated birthday presents, y'know?

By the way, I'm back to my tweeting ways. See my profile and follow me on Twitter. It's a little insight into my twisted mind that comes up with all this juicy stuff and random thoughts in general. Everyone loves random thoughts, right? Again, thanks, guys. Hope you enjoy.


	9. A Collision

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Nine: A Collision**

Nicky Russo is notorious for having the worst timing.

Really, he shouldn't be surprised. After watching Kaylie drive away for the night, Nicky realizes he must have forgotten his cell phone in the locker room because once his fingers slid into his pockets he finds his keys, but nothing else. Jetting back inside and down the halls before they lock up the Rock for the night, Nicky turns a corner and there he sees them. Lips against lips. Her fingers stuck in his curls, his arms possessively on her hips. Eyes sealed shut. A display of lust. Really, he'd be less appalled to see Summer and Sasha going at it.

Lauren Tanner and Carter Anderson.

Again, Nicky can't say he's surprised seeing those two entangled there up against a wall. He doesn't know what to think, really. For one, Lauren's always made it clear that she wanted Carter and even clearer that she's the type of person that eventually gets what she wants. Carter, he's just a boy that's never really showed to have much willpower. After Kaylie's said time and time again that they have no future, it seems his only option was to finally give in to Lauren and her persistence.

Is it strange that he's sort of relieved? Now with Carter all wrapped up in Lauren (quite literally) it means there will be no (or at least minimal) pining for Kaylie. No more beady pair of eyes staring from across the Rock, longingly watching Kaylie's every move, especially when she's with Nicky, usually goofing off during breaks. It almost means no more trying to purposefully make Carter jealous. No more pulling her close and leaning down to her ear to whisper that they have an audience.

Is it strange that he's sort of disappointed?

Nicky shakes his head, realizing it'd be best to leave. He reclaims his cell phone and pushes his way out of the locker room. He's just in time to see the two break apart, both red in the face and turning quickly to look at him. Maybe he could have been quieter with the locker room door, but he was too busy with thoughts of Kaylie – something that seems to be becoming the norm for him.

"So it was, uh, nice talking to you," Carter says awkwardly. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Lauren says, completely out of breath. "Tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Lauren."

"Goodnight, Carter."

The curly haired boy throws Nicky a nod. Nicky nods back.

That's the most the two will ever go when it comes to social interaction, not since the last time in the workout room that proved to be the epitome of awkward. If it wasn't for Kaylie, Nicky and Carter probably would never acknowledge each other at all. Carter wouldn't see Nicky as a threat and Carter wouldn't even register on Nicky's radar considering Carter's overall lack of focus when it comes to gymnastics. Honestly, why does the guy even bother coming to the Rock? To be a constant reminder of their failed relationship to Kaylie and something for Lauren to make eyes at?

"Pathetic," Nicky mumbles beneath his breath. Apparently, his voice is loud enough to catch the attention of Lauren Tanner, who turns quickly and catches his eye. Nicky averts his gaze, hoping she won't make a big deal out of his slip of the tongue. Immediately, his hope is extinguished.

"Say something, Nicky?"

"I don't have time for this," he grumbles.

"Oh, but it sure seems like you have time for Kaylie," Lauren says, sure to emphasize her best friend's name. Nicky starts to walk away and the girl is right on his tail. "Nicky Russo, you are such a hypocrite."

Nicky stops in his tracks, appalled. "Really?"

"Really," Lauren smiles. "Don't pretend you don't look at Kaylie the exact same way I look at Carter. Don't try to lie to a master liar, Russo. It's just a waste of both of our time."

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Please. You look at Kaylie like she's the reason you get up every day instead of crying alone in your bed," Lauren explains. "Face it, Nicky. You like Kaylie."

"We're just–"

"Friends," Lauren laughs heartily. "The only way you could sound stupider is if you said you love her like a sister. Eww much? The last time I checked, friends, and siblings for that matter, don't flirt as much as you two or at all even. You can call all the extra training together and thumb wrestling and giggling by the water cooler whatever you want, but it sure looks like flirting to me."

Nicky absolutely hates how he doesn't have anything to say.

"Hmm, I wonder," Lauren purrs, innocently tapping a single fingertip against her chin. "Does Payson know you've turned into the Casanova of the Rock?"

Nicky's face darkens and his eyebrows narrow. The corner of his top lip pulls up in a snarl and Lauren almost jumps back, completely taken by surprise. He looks angry enough to start throwing punches when Lauren had merely meant to press a few buttons as payback for his backhanded comment. It seems she's pressed the wrong one.

"Nicky, I was kidding."

"Not funny," he growls.

"Well, you have to admit I do have a point," Lauren argues.

"I don't have to admit to anything," he says. "Just sounds like you're being a bitch to me."

"Ouch," she says, heavy on the sarcasm. "Come on, though, at least I can admit I like Carter, alright? You and Kaylie are still playing the 'just friends' card and, seriously, Nicky, it's not only getting old, but it's a cliché too. Then again, I guess, in your own way you're helping Kaylie get over Carter and I'm helping him."

"For a girl with such a sharp tongue, you really have no self-respect, do you?" he lashes out. This little fight which started out innocently enough, is starting to get personal. Still, Nicky doesn't regret his words as he looks down at the petite blonde. Both are sizing each other up.

Lauren purses her lips. "I have no idea what you mean."

"Heh, wow. You act like you're the head bitch in charge, but when it comes to Carter you just fall at his feet. It's sad, really," Nicky says. It's always been something he's noticed. He watches her carefully, the way her eyes move to the ground really quickly, but come back just as fast. When they meet his, there's a fire there and Nicky internally questions what he just got himself into.

"And you're so different with Kaylie?" Lauren nearly sneers. "I can tell you that I'm in love with Carter Anderson. What's your excuse, Nicky? I know that thinking is probably hard for a meathead robot like you, but do you even remember the person you were before Kaylie and you reached BFF status? You hated each other. You wouldn't be caught dead doing half the things you do on a daily basis just to try to make her smile or make her laugh. She steps all over you and you love every second."

Nicky can't argue and he hates that.

A self-satisfied grin crosses Lauren's face. Her hands are planted firmly on her waist and Nicky can only stand there, fingers folded into tight fists. There's something about Lauren Tanner that makes Nicky press his lips into a tight line and keep his thoughts in check. There's nothing playful in anything Lauren says, at least not when her words are directed to him. She knows how to twists things just right and in her favor. It almost isn't fair so much deviousness can be packed into one girl.

"See, Russo, we aren't that different after all, are we?" Lauren asks, smirking. "Goodnight, Nicky."

He doesn't respond. Nicky stays completely still and doesn't even turn to watch her go. He waits to hear the front door shut after her before he even drops his shoulders. Nicky's starting to think that maybe it would have been a better idea to just leave his cell phone in the locker room and get it back tomorrow when he comes in to train. It would have saved him a lot of turmoil.

Then again, what if something when wrong and Kaylie couldn't reach him?

"Pathetic," Nicky murmurs. His slicks his fingers through his hair and heads to the door.

He thinks that maybe the fresh air will help and so he goes out and sits atop the hood of his car for a bit. It's a particularly cool night and it feels nice against his burning face. Whether it's embarrassment or anger that has him so heated, Nicky isn't too sure. He does know that pre-friendship Nicky would never have gotten this way. Lauren could have called him out and made her accusations and he would only roll his eyes. He was untouchable then and now…

Kaylie Cruz made him, no, _makes_ him weak.

Lauren had explained her way though her submissive behavior towards Carter by saying she's in love with the gangly, fuzzy haired boy. Then the girl had the audacity to challenge him.

"_What's your excuse, Nicky?" _

He wants to think it's just Lauren Tanner fighting her way out of a corner, desperate to win a verbal sparring. He doesn't want to think about Lauren legitimately being in love with Carter. He wants to think it's a lie not because he gets some sick pleasure from seeing the poor guy suffer, but because Lauren had made her point quite clearly. They aren't that different. Whereas Lauren acts the way she does out of "love" (or so she says), what's Nicky's motive? What does he get out of this?

Nicky Russo was raised to be an intellectual. He was reading before normal parents even start considering sending their children to pre-school. He's had the best tutors and he's read much more than the latest issue of Sports Illustrated. He's read dozens of novels by the great 20th American writers, sonnets by Shakespeare and other pieces of literature most teenagers (let alone teenage athletes) would even consider using as coasters. Which means he's read a lot about love.

Now, thinking about love, that's not something Nicky hasn't done often.

First he thinks about his mom and dad. He wouldn't exactly place them among Daisy and Gatsby or Romeo and Juliet and he was so young when she passed away. If he tries really hard, Nicky sees glimpses of his father at his mother's bedside in the hospital, Nicky lingering at the doorway and looking on. He remembers his father sobbing, clutching his mother's hand. She'd only smile weakly, looking so pale and so tired, but smiling nonetheless. Nicky can't remember what they were talking about, but his father couldn't stop crying and his mother couldn't stop smiling.

_Bittersweet_, that's what he'd call it now. That's the first word that comes to mind when he thinks of Payson, with that kiss in California followed by her blatantly ignoring his phone calls when they returned to Boulder, to reality. Nicky doesn't know if he ever loved Payson or fell in love with Payson. The nagging voice in the back of his head is still stuck on his previous theory of falling for the idea of Payson without really knowing her. Now, he could possibly get to know her, he's been starting to, but then there's Ike and, of course, Kaylie.

When he's lying in his bed it's only eight o'clock. He should be reviewing tapes of past competitions or practicing on the trampoline or even in his high-end workout room. He shouldn't _still _be thinking about his earlier conversation with Lauren. He shouldn't be thinking about his mother and how much he fucking misses her and how different his life would be with her still in it. He shouldn't be thinking about love and how his current relationships could apply, but he is.

Nicky's staring up at the single glow-in-the-dark star on his ceiling, the one Kaylie so thoughtfully plucked from her own ceiling and stuck on his.

He remembers lying lazily on one side of the bed as Kaylie stood on the other, trying to get it to stick on her own. Nicky had chuckled and volunteered to help her (being a whole nine inches taller and all), but Kaylie had only scoffed ("I wanted to do this for you. Doing it yourself defeats the point. Honestly, Nicky"). She had finally got it up there and he tugged on her ankle and made her fall. He laughed. She scowled. They lied there, side by side, so content and staring up at it.

It's now that Nicky notices how since then he only lies and sleeps on one side of his bed.

He also notices how empty it feels without her.

…

"What is it, Kaylie?"

"Hmm, I don't know, Pay. What does it look like?"

Kaylie's standing in the doorway to Payson's hospital room with the brightest smile she's ever forced upon her lips. She's holding a little gray box with an elaborate green bow. Springing forth from the box are cookies on sticks. The shortbread cookies are in the shapes of black and white bees with intricately designed wings, a honeycomb, daisies and a round one in the center with 'bee well soon' piped on in a fancy cursive. Kaylie feels like her face is about to break and Payson's staring at her.

"It's a _bee well soon_ shortbread cookie bouquet!" Kaylie explains cheerily. "Then there's some actual flowers, sunflowers, they stand for warms and admiration and even longevity. I, um, was contemplating ice cream or breaking you out of here, but then I saw the sunflowers and the cookies and it reminded me of the time when we were twelve at gymnastics camp…and I'm rambling, aren't I?"

"Just a little." Payson can't fight the smile that works its way across her lips. "So gymnastics camp. Oh. You mean the time you, Lauren and me all got poison ivy because Kelly Parker and her army of stick figures put poison oak in our beds? We smelt like calamine lotion the entire summer."

"Yup, but payback certainly was a bitch," Kaylie reminds her old friend.

Payson chuckles. "How Lauren got the boys to put an actual beehive in Kelly Parker's bunk is still beyond me."

"She's Lauren," Kaylie says with a shrug. "With her, sometimes it's just better not to ask."

"True," Payson agrees. The two girls share a laugh before that inevitable awkward silence returns. Payson goes back to staring and Kaylie goes back to smiling, stretching the corners of her lips as far as her face will allow. Payson's looking at her pointblank.

"Kaylie Cruz," Payson says, a playful scolding in her voice, "Our little trip down Memory Lane proves just how long I've known you. Now, I'd appreciate it if you didn't give me your bullshit smile you use on your parents when you lie about missing curfew, thank you very much."

"That knowing smile, infuriating, Pay." Kaylie sighs, her lips dropping into something more natural and less painful (both to do and see). She sets the cookie bouquet down on the side table and she moves into the chair at Payson's bedside. "So how are you?"

"I've certainly had better days." Another bitter laugh. "The doctors say I won't be able to practice gymnastics ever again, seriously this time. Attempting it would be suicide at this point. I'll be lucky if I can even sprint after this. There's a lot of physical therapy in my future, but I'll live."

Payson's eyes start to glaze with the faintest hint of tears and Kaylie grabs her hand.

Payson blinks. Once. Twice. A third time. A sigh. "I just…I really wanted this to work…"

"Pay, I still don't understand how you went through all of this and didn't even bother to tell anyone," Kaylie says, giving Payson's hand a supportive squeeze.

"As much as I wanted to believe in this miracle surgery, I had my doubts," Payson admits. She must have really hit rock bottom if she's making bedside confessions. "I didn't want to tell everyone just for the surgery to not work. Talk about my worst nightmare come true."

"Fair enough," Kaylie agrees. "C'mon, you're _Payson Keeler_. You're both literally and figuratively the strongest person I know. You'll do the physical therapy. You'll go back to high school. Totally own the place by graduation. You'll move on with your life. It isn't that bad, Payson."

"I don't think you understand, Kaylie. I failed _twice_," she hisses.

Kaylie shakes her head. "It was beyond your control."

"Doesn't matter," Payson says. She really is too hard on herself, but she's been that way ever since she was a child. Kaylie wants to say something, but can't seem to find the words. She sees Payson doing a nosedive back into that dark place of hers and Kaylie's desperate to pull her back up or at least cushion the landing.

"Payson, honestly, you're better than this and it isn't like everyone's out there right now, talking bad about you," Kaylie says nonchalantly. "I can't speak for everyone, but along with being socially retarded, gymnasts, not the sharpest tools in the shed, you know, unless we're talking beams and rings. I think they're still stuck on the gossip about Lauren not being a real blonde."

Payson can't help the small smile that threatens to appear with Kaylie's attempt at humor. It quickly disappears, but it's given Kaylie hope. Softly, Payson asks, "So who does know?"

"Your mom told Sasha and Summer and Little Keeler told me and, well, Nicky," Kaylie says.

"He's been here almost every night," Payson says.

"He really cares about you, Pay," Kaylie says quietly. Why does her throat suddenly feel so tight?

"I don't have the slightest idea why," Payson says, laughing a bit. Kaylie sits there, confused. "For one, I was horrible to him…"

"You were going through a hard time. Nicky understands," Kaylie says. "He's just that kind of guy."

"Then there's you," Payson adds. Kaylie's certain she feels her heart stop right in her chest. The way Payson's looking at her, it isn't resentment or hatred like she expects. Either her eyes are playing tricks on her or Kaylie sees a tinge of…envy?

Kaylie tries to laugh, but it comes out sounding awkward. "Payson, what are you trying to say?"

"I know you two are just friends, but sometimes it's hard for me to understand why. The media sees it. Nicky is the sweetest guy and you…" Payson twiddles her thumbs. "Face it, Kaylie, you're perfect."

"Payson, I am not perfect," Kaylie says. The very idea is laughable.

"You have a trust fund worth more than the average middle class family makes in an entire year, you're gorgeous and boys follow you around like you smile and their brains just turn to mush and…you're the National Champion," Payson says. "I'd kill to be in your place right now."

"I'll tell you what I'm not," Kaylie says lowly, distractedly sliding her finger across the guard of Payson's hospital bed. "I'm not happy. This pressure…if I knew it would make me feel like this…I would have let Kelly Parker have it. My dad's gone. Mentally, so is my mom. If it wasn't for Leo, I probably would have slit my wrists weeks ago." Kaylie lets out this straggling sound that was supposed to be another laugh, but came out just as bad as the last.

Payson shakes her head. "Don't talk like that."

"If we're really being honest, I would really rather be in your place," Kaylie quietly admits.

"Crippled?" Payson says. That word, backed with the spite in Payson's voice, strikes Kaylie like a knife to the chest. Kaylie can't bring herself to look at Payson, but she does raise her head.

"Free," Kaylie corrects. Payson appears to be taken aback by the sincerity in her voice, but Kaylie's too busy staring at the wall to notice. "With parents, the only parents I know that are still together, without all these expectations that come with being the National Champion, free to…to be with Nicky…"

A tense moment of silence follows and Kaylie really wishes she reached over and stuffed the bee-shaped cookie into her mouth before she got the words out. Payson's staring at her. Kaylie's staring at the floor. It's all sorts of uncomfortable and all sorts of unnecessary. This isn't what Kaylie had planned this little visit to go. Not at all.

When Kaylie does find the courage to look at Payson, there's shock written across her face. It's enough for Kaylie. This time she lets her eyes fall to her tangled fingers in her lap and she knows Payson got the underlying message. Payson's always been one of the smarter, if not the smartest in their little tangled mess of a family. She put the pieces together and Kaylie's sure the only way she'd look guiltier if she was sitting at Payson's bedside in an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs.

"I thought…I thought you two were just friends," Payson murmurs.

Kaylie nods. "We are."

"Now isn't the time to start lying to my face, Kaylie."

"Payson, I'm not lying!"

"Look who managed to score some free treats from the cafeteria!" a voice booms from the door. Kaylie quickly looks, releasing a breath she didn't know she's been holding. She sees Ike there, smiling proudly with a jell-o cup in each hand. "Oh, I didn't know Pay-Pay had a visitor. Lately, you're getting all sorts of company, huh?"

"Well, she is a very popular girl," Kaylie says, forcing on a smile. Her eyes have lost all their glow and all the normal flares of her personality have seemed to die completely. It hurts to even try to pretend she's okay.

Ike looks from one jell-o cup to the other. "Sorry. If I knew you were here, I would have snagged another. Here you can have mine–"

"I'm really not in the mood for jell-o," Payson says suddenly. "Take it, Kaylie."

There's something in Payson's eyes and suddenly Kaylie doesn't think they're just talking about jell-o. She tells her to take it, but she's giving her this intense, shiver inducing glare. Payson looks hurt. Kaylie just hurt her best friend who she hasn't even attempted to check up on, too selfish and absorbed in her own life problems. Then there's the sound in Payson's voice when she said it. Betrayal.

In response to both Ike and Payson, one answer to two different questions, Kaylie shakes her head from side to side. No.

"Actually, I was just leaving anyways," Kaylie says. She quickly stands, wobbling a bit and almost losing her footing. The tension in the room makes each one of her movements feel heavier than necessary. Her head is spinning. She needs to remember to breathe. "I, um, I really wish you the best, Pay."

"Thanks for stopping by, Kaylie," Payson says. Still so cold.

Kaylie leans forward for a hug, but then decides against it when she sees Payson lean a way a bit. Seeing this, feeling the pain radiating off Payson in waves, Kaylie takes a careful step backwards. "Pay, you really are my best friend and you know me. with Nicky, I–I'd never…I can't and I won't."

Payson doesn't say anything and Kaylie turns to the door.

"Wait, one more thing, in the end, Pay, you were always better off than me," Kaylie says softly. As much as Kaylie feels the snowball affect happening here, she still forces eye contact. "And you still are."

Ike looks confused and Payson refuses to look at her as Kaylie slips out of the room. It's that very moment that Kaylie firmly decides she isn't going to prove Payson right. As difficult as it's going to be, to deliberately put distance between Nicky and herself, Kaylie must, for fear of what an impact growing even closer to him could have on her. Kaylie can't take the chance of feeling any more for Nicky than she already does.

Though Kaylie has decided to choose her loyalty to Payson, the thought of abandoning Nicky is so unsettling, she wants nothing more than to speed off to her car and have a good cry (something she's found herself doing often lately.) She hates the idea of leaving him alone to brood in that cold, empty mansion of his. Kaylie once said that everyone needs some form of human contact and it only hits her now that that's what she is for Nicky.

Lost in thought, Kaylie isn't watching where she's going and she isn't surprised when she stumbles into someone else who isn't paying much attention either. It ends in a big collision in a busy hospital hallway. Manila folders hit the ground and Kaylie immediately sputters out an apology while bending down to retrieve the fallen folders.

"I'm so _so_ sorry…"

"Don't worry about it. It was partly my fault too. Sometimes I get a little too…absorbed in my charts," a familiar voice responds. Finally collecting the papers, Kaylie stands to find Dr. Russo staring back. His eyes are shinning and his smile very personable as he takes back the folders and gives her a nod of gratitude. "Thank you, Miss. We've met before, haven't we?"

"Yes. Once," Kaylie answers. Just the thought of their last meeting makes her feel like her cheeks are about to turn a bright shade of red. "I'm Kaylie, uhh, Nicky's friend."

"Oh, right." Dr. Russo continues to smile though there's a shift in his eyes and Kaylie's certain he too remembers their last encounter. "I hope everything's alright."

"It's fine. I, uh, I'm here visiting a friend," she responds. "Payson."

Kaylie thinks the name will illicit some sort of response, but Dr. Russo only nods. Nicky must not have been joking when he said his father doesn't listen to him when he talks. Either that or Nicky's never spoken about Payson to his father. Kaylie wouldn't doubt that it's a little bit of both.

Dr. Russo nervously lets his fingers glide through his hair (something Kaylie has seen Nicky do a million times) and looks a bit embarrassed when he quietly says, "I know this might come out a little strange…"

'_I'm not a gold digger, nor am I sleeping with your son_,' immediately comes to Kaylie's head.

"But how is he? Nicky, I mean," the doctor mumbles awkwardly. "I've noticed he's been acting a little different lately and I'm sure these are things he'd rather tell his friend than his father. I just…do I have cause to be worried?"

_Aw, he notices. It means he cares_, Kaylie thinks, practically melting. Dr. Russo may have some difficulties with expressing it, but he does care about Nicky. That's more than she can say for her own father.

"It's probably just stress," Kaylie replies. "With gymnastics and Payson being in the hospital, but I don't really think it's something for you to be worried about. It's just normal teenage things, well, as normal as teenage elite gymnasts get."

Dr. Russo tilts his head back with a laugh Kaylie doesn't want to think it's forced. She finds herself smiling in return and she doesn't feel as down as she did back in Payson's hospital room.

"Well, thank you, Kaylie," he says, making a point to use her name. "It was nice seeing you again."

"You too, Dr. Russo," she politely responds.

"I wish your friend the best." Dr. Russo nods to her one last time before continuing on his way.

"Wait, Dr. Russo!" Kaylie shouts at his retreating figure. The older man stops a moment and looks over his shoulder to where Kaylie is fidgeting nervously. "It isn't too late, you know? I'm sure there are some things Nicky would rather tell his father than his friends. It just…it isn't too late to try."

A moment passes of Dr. Russo simply staring at her like she's some sort of messenger angel and Kaylie can only beam in return.

"I'll keep that in mind," he says softly and is on his way yet again.

The thought of cutting Nicky out of her life in favor of honoring her friendship with Payson leaves Kaylie with a strange, almost nauseating feeling in the pit of her stomach, but it makes most sense (even though it feels so wrong). It makes her feel sort of better, the thought that Nicky will have someone, even better that that someone will be his father.

The fact that she has to sever her friendship with Nicky to even attempt to salvage her friendship with Payson brings an ache to Kaylie's tightened chest and the warning glaze of tears over her eyes.

It physically pains her. It really does.

* * *

**Author's note: **My deepest apologizes that it's taken me so long to update! This term has been a killer and doesn't end till June 10. I have a handful of final projects and finals to study for.

In more relevant news, it nearly killed me to write that Kaylie/Payson scene. It started out so nice and light and then it crumbled. I'm curious to see what everyone thinks about this chapter. Again, sorry for the delay. The next chapter will be epic and sweet yet bitter at the same time. Anyways, review please?


	10. A Kiss

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Ten: A Kiss**

She's ignoring him _again. _

If there's one thing Nicky Russo is not it's stupid. Kaylie doesn't come in early anymore and Nicky's stopped lying out on the sidewalk, staring up at the sky, waiting for her to show up so they can start their early morning practice. The only time she stops by the water cooler is to drink water and she usually practices through her breaks so she can leave earlier. Kaylie isn't replying to any of Nicky's texts and he hates himself for the sleep he loses, anxiously watching his phone, hoping she'll finally call or text or even e-mail, asking him to meet her at the red rocket ship again. No such lucky.

Well, Nicky has had enough of these stupid mind games and he's ready to tell her. He spots Kaylie from across the gym, headed for the girls' locker room at the end of the day. He nearly sprints to catch up with her and when he finally does, Nicky takes her firmly by the elbow and leads her over to a quiet corner. Kaylie looks startled for a moment and oddly the expression only intensifies when she sees that the person who pulled her aside is none other than Nicky.

"Hi," she says almost inaudibly.

"So we're talking," Nicky observes.

Kaylie blinks. "Why wouldn't we be talking?"

Nicky's lips part like he's going to say something, but then he scrutinizes her face and he can just tell that something's off. Why does Kaylie look so guilty?

"Nicky, I need to—"

"What would you say about a swim?" he interrupts. If she can be nonchalant about this then fine, two can play at that game. "The weather has been gross lately. Plus, I can't even remember the last time anyone used the pool. Well, I have a feeling the maids do when no one's home…"

"I can't, Nicky," Kaylie says firmly. "I have somewhere to be."

"See, that's what I'm talking about," Nicky says. "What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?" she asks in return.

"What happened to not answering a question with a question? Don't play stupid, Kaylie," Nicky says. He absolutely fails at hiding his frustration. He looks away for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts. "Come on, we both know you've been purposefully avoiding me for almost a week now."

"Nicky, it's not about you," she says weakly.

"You could try and be a bit more convincing," he replies. Kaylie looks away, keeping her eyes across the room. His smirk slowly fades as he watches Kaylie stand there, mumbling something incoherent about going to the locker room. Nicky tilts his head that's filling with confusion with every second this conversation goes on. "Kaylie, I was joking."

"Funny," she mumbles dully, tiredly. She pulls away and tries to walk off.

Nicky tries to follow her, but then she disappears beyond the door to the girls' locker room. Sighing in defeat, he walks back over to the middle of the nearly empty gym. Nicky stares up at the ceiling for a moment, wondering what he could have possibly done to make her react this way. It still scares Nicky at the realization that Kaylie Cruz is the sole person who makes him _care_.

It's hard to pinpoint the exact time and day he realized he cares more about Kaylie Cruz more than he should. He supposes it's been slowly building from the start of this "friendship." Once the hatred faded and the butterflies invaded, Nicky knew it was a bad idea to get close, but he did anyways and he can't think of a time in his life where he's been this close to happy. That chat with Lauren Tanner the other night set the last little piece into the bigger picture. Nicky _likes _Kaylie Cruz. Damn it.

Nicky debates whether he should just go change out of his sweaty workout clothes, but then panics at the idea of missing her just as she leaves the locker room and drives home for the day. Then he'd have to spend hours thinking of some reason to text her and some other reason to see her. Nicky scowls, lying across the mat in the middle of the gym. He isn't supposed to be like this. He isn't supposed to be infatuated with some spoiled, damaged princess.

"Jeez, I'm turning into Carter…"

"Nothing a little haircut can't fix," a voice teases from behind.

Nicky reopens his eyes and sees Leo standing over him with arms crossed over his chest and a wide grin riding his lips. There are so many traits he shares with his little sister. There's the caramel skin and the jet black hair, but most importantly, the kind brown eyes. With a groan, Leo collapses beside Nicky on the mat and runs a hand through his hair.

"Rough day?" he asks, making small talk.

Nicky shrugs casually. "What day isn't?"

"Point taken. I'm Leo, if you didn't even know, Kaylie's brother. You're Nicky Russo, right?" Leo asks. There's a hint of mischief in his smile and Nicky can't help, but let it make him feel a tad bit on edge. "Flower Boy."

Nicky wrinkles his nose. "Flower Boy? What's that supposed to mean?"

"She still has that tulip on her desk," Leo says. Nicky mentally wills himself not to react (blush). "It's all wilted and the pedals are barely hanging on, but Kaylie refuses to throw it out."

"Is she okay?" Nicky asks softly, genuinely. "It isn't any of my business, but Kaylie's told me a little about what's going on with your family. It must be tough."

"No shit." Leo sighs and shrugs. "To be honest, sometimes I can't even tell how Kaylie is and we're living under the same roof. Right when I think she might be okay, Kaylie pulls a 180 and everything goes to hell again. Seriously, I'm sure a lot of my psych major friends would diagnose that as Bipolar."

"She's strong though," Nicky says. "She might not think so, but she is."

"Indeed." Leo nods. "A lot of that has to do with you, y'know?"

Nicky shakes his head. "No. I don't think so."

"She talks about you sometimes," Leo says. Nicky feels there's something in his voice, a hint, an implication he just can't exactly pinpoint. Leo goes on to say, "Seriously, with all this family crap and gymnastics stress, do you think Lauren or Carter or anyone else could have helped her through all this?"

Nicky doesn't reply. It's mostly because he's at a loss. What is he expected to say, following that?

"So you like her, huh?" Leo smirks. His shoulders are loose and his legs are stretched out, palms pressed into the mat, letting him lean back ever so slightly. In direct contrast, Nicky's spine is ramrod straight and every single muscle in his body tense.

Nicky swallows hard. "She's one of my few friends, yeah, I like her."

Leo chuckles. "Kids."

Nicky narrows his eyes. "You aren't much older than me..."

"Sure, but while you're in here training, I've been out there _living_. One day you're going to wake up alone. Gymnastics will be nothing, but a happy memory and you'll be wondering why you didn't take that one chance you had with the one girl that made you real," Leo says. Nicky's looking at him with knitted eyebrows and Leo only chuckles and scrubs his hand over his tired face. "I tell you, it's a shitty feeling."

"You swear so much," Nicky says, just an observation. "Kaylie too. Is it a Cruz thing? Leo chuckles. His demeanor is so easygoing, but his gaze is so intrusive. "You know, when I was twelve and you took gold at Nationals that year I almost idolized you."

Leo grins proudly. "That was a good year, wasn't it?"

"Sure, but then I turned thirteen and you dropped out and I told myself I'd never wimp out like you," Nicky continues. Leo's face drops and Nicky realizes what he just said, regrets it and clears his throat, adding a, "no offense or anything."

"I'll admit I don't agree with your word choice, but fair enough." Leo nods. "Just so you know, there is a life after gymnastics. It probably doesn't seem like it right now, but one day everything will make sense. It won't be all about beams and rings anymore."

"Then what will it be about?" Nicky asks, genuinely curious.

"I'm still trying to figure that out myself, Russo." Leo gets distracted, his eyes across the room, entranced almost. Nicky's about to follow his gaze when he feels Leo's large hand pat him hard on the shoulder and that grin makes its grand return. "Is that Emily Kmetko I see? You'd excuse me, right, bud?"

"Sure," Nicky chuckles. He feels the need to warn Leo about the emergency plan Sasha always has in the back of his head, something that involves boiling a guy alive if the poor sucker so dares to flirt with one of his gymnasts and is stupid enough to get caught. Instead, Nicky just shakes his head and laughs again.

When he sees Kaylie rush out from the girls' locker room, wearing a black pea coat and toting around her gym bag, Nicky reacts like lightning. He yells her name and he swears it echoes in the gym, but she doesn't even toss him a glance. Now Nicky knows she's definitely avoiding him and just the thought doesn't sit well with him. He stands quickly and chases after her, giving little thought to anything besides Kaylie Cruz. Really, it's become the story of his life.

"Kaylie, wait up! I just want to talk to you!"

"Nicky, can we do this later? I'm already late as is."

"No, I don't think so."

Kaylie finally turns to look at him after she's gotten the key in the lock on the door of her car. She pauses and then finally gives in. The streetlamp above them is broken so the parking lot is darker than usual. Despite the lack of lighting, Kaylie can still see how Nicky's eyes are shimmering, looking lost and confused, his brows are furrowed and his lip is slightly protruding. Kaylie can't tell if he's unconsciously making her feel horrible or doing it on purpose.

"What do you need, Nicky?"

"I just want to talk," Nicky says, nervously moving his feet around in the gravel beneath his shoes.

"So talk," she says, harsher than she means.

Before he can even think of a way to begin, Nicky finds it odd how they've been in these same positions prior to tonight. He thinks back to Valentine's Day after Payson rejected his chocolate along with his heart and Carter had desperately laid out rose petals in the shape of a heart on her hood. They had stood there with hearts racing, butterflies fluttering and both knew the outcome before either spoke a word. They'd agree not to cross any lines and part ways.

Nicky thinks about how much things have changed since that night. He thinks of how close they've grown without meaning to. It all started out with hatred and developed into something neither of them has ever had before. Now they're drowning in this shade of gray, tempted to completely cross the line that separates them and explore the difference between friends and something more.

Kaylie looks impatient and Nicky doesn't know what to say, but he's certain if he lets her go right now he'll probably spend the rest of the night (and maybe his life) ruminating and rumination leaves little room for gymnastics.

"I'm worried about you," he finally says.

"I'm fine," Kaylie assures him. "Better than ever, even."

"Don't lie to me, Kaylie," Nicky warns her.

"I'm not. Nicky, really, you should go back inside and—"

"You know, I've eaten dinner with my father twice this week, which is more than we've eaten together in probably the last year," Nicky tells her. That's when Kaylie stops. He lets his hand fall heavily on her shoulder and outlines her arm until his hand finds hers and his fingers curl into her palm.

Kaylie looks alarmed as she asks, "Wh—what are you doing?"

"I just want to say thank you," Nicky says quietly. Vocal displays of gratitude goes along with admissions of fault, confessions of longing and embarrassing apologizes in the box of things Nicky Russo sucks at, but Kaylie Cruz somehow brings him to do. "Dad might have mentioned running into you at the hospital. He didn't say what you talked about, but it must have been some second impression if he remembered your name and goes out of his way to actually try to be a parent."

"I didn't do anything, Nicky."

"You brought my dad back, Kaylie."

"We talked for like five seconds. I—I just ran into him while visiting Payson," she says.

Nicky inwardly winces. He makes no sound, but the sting flashes across his face before he can catch himself. His visits with Payson become just as infrequent as him spending quality time with Kaylie. Every time he goes to the hospital the space between them is filled with small talk and awkward pauses. It's almost like Payson has put up a shield of ice and all Nicky gets is the bitter cold waves reverberating off of her. He hasn't connected the two girls' odd behavior until right now.

"Kaylie, what happened?"

She shrugs. "It's been a while, Nicky, I don't remember every word I said to your dad—"

"No. With Payson," Nicky clarifies. "Something happened, didn't it?"

"It just put things into perspective," Kaylie says carelessly.

"Alright. Put things into perspective for me."

Kaylie takes a moment, her tongue swiping out over her lips. Finally, she takes a breath and explains, "I'm the National Champion and I haven't been acting like it at all. I need to concentrate and as fun as it's been hanging out and whatever, if I even want a chance at impressing the National Committee, especially after my last public tantrum, I need to buckle down and get serious."

"And you're going to do that by turning into a cyborg?" Nicky asks. Kaylie looks up in irritation and starts to turn back to the door of her car, but Nicky gently pulls her back to face him. "Wait, alright? Okay. I get it. We'll train even harder now. I'm down if you are."

"Nicky, that's not it."

"Then what is it?" he asks, his voice rising. "God, you're driving me crazy."

"I just need a little space, okay?" Kaylie says, trying to stay cool and collected. Her eyes leave his in favor of the ground. She can't bring herself to look him in the eye. She just can't. "Alright. You want to know the truth? I, um, Carter's waiting. I promised him we'd have dinner and I still need to run home before I meet him."

Nicky's eyes seem to darken and he backs away from her, almost looking sickened.

"Nicky…" His name leaves her lips, riding on a whisper. "Let's not…make this a big thing…"

He nods. His anger is building within him and if it wasn't apparent before it's obvious now. "So you're just going to run back to him, huh?"

"Another change in perspective, I guess," she says, trying so painfully hard to keep her voice even. "Nicky, you have to understand. There's nothing I want more than for my dad to come home, to give my mom a chance and at least hear her out. It's been killing me, seeing her fall apart like this, letting her regrets eat her alive and I still think what she did was wrong, but I think she's suffered enough too. After what happened with Lauren, I didn't give Carter that chance."

"And that's the truth?" Nicky asks. Kaylie nods weakly. "The whole truth?"

"The bulk of it." Kaylie swallows hard.

"I want all of it. Then interrogation over. You can leave," Nicky says solemnly. "Why else?"

There's this tender, almost shattering look in her eyes as Kaylie slips a little, leaning forward and taking his hand in hers. Nicky shakes his head and draws further away, but Kaylie only holds on tighter. Her thumb runs across his calloused palm and Kaylie stands on the tips of her toes, lips near his ear when she whispers, "Because my best friend doesn't love Carter like she loves _you_."

"No." Nicky shakes his head. He has the sudden urge to rip his hand free from hers and stomp, but he doesn't do either. One, he's afraid that if they let go she'll run (classic Kaylie Cruz) and, two, he isn't twelve-years-old. "Kaylie, don't use Payson as an excuse. If you're scared, just admit it."

"Scared of what?" she asks, hardening yet again.

"Of _us!_" Nicky explodes, tired of all the bullshit oblivion they're both constantly fronting. "Maybe of the fact that there's a possibility there could be an _us._ Kaylie, you might not be able to admit it yet, but I am sick of pretending. We got really close recently even though it goes against everything we both believe in or used to believe in. I like you, Princess, and I can admit that now. You're already avoiding me and going back to Carter again. I don't see how things could get any worse."

"I'm terrified, Nicky," she whispers.

"It's alright." He squeezes her hand tight. "So am I."

"No, you don't understand. I can't do that to Payson."

Kaylie tries to tug away, but Nicky just pulls her right back.

"So you admit you feel something?" he asks hopefully.

"Nothing, but guilt," Kaylie says. To Nicky, it feels a twist to the dagger stuck in his heart. "Nicky, you have to understand where I'm coming from here. For the past few months all I've done is watch relationships fall apart around me. You and Payson, you two have a chance."

"Payson's great and I thought I wanted to be with her, but…Payson isn't the one who I have fun teasing and fighting with—"

"Well, in Pay's dense, lately she hasn't been in the teasing sort of mood…"

"Payson doesn't let me win at thumb wrestling and pretend to be pissed about it," Nicky goes on.

"I don't let you win—"

He cuts her off, continuing with his argument. "Payson doesn't get me to slow it down when I'm being all neurotic and just take a moment to stare at the sky."

"Because Payson's productive and—"

"Payson doesn't give me butterflies."

Kaylie feels her eyes start to water. She knows she's obviously losing this one, but she still has to try. Sighing, she says, "Nicky, we agreed never to mention that night—"

"Payson isn't in my bubble."

"Neither is the real world."

"Payson doesn't have me Googling red tulips at three in the morning."

Hearing that one, Kaylie stops and looks up at him, so vulnerable and fragile. "You…you actually Googled it?"

Nicky nods. "I did."

"Nicky, this is really sweet, but I _really_ have to go now," Kaylie says, still trying to escape.

"I'm not done yet. When Payson's hurting, she shuts down and shuts me out. You showed up at my house and you ran, literally _ran_, to me instead of away from me," Nicky reminds her. "That has to mean something, Kaylie. You can't deny that."

Kaylie's head is spinning and she's losing her mind. He's bringing that wall of hers down word by word.

"Hearing Ike talk may make me want to set myself on fire, but just thinking about what Carter did to you, how he treated you, makes me want to set _him_ on fire," Nicky says, moving in closer. Kaylie's stopped even trying to argue with him. "Yeah, I really care about Payson, but we weren't even together to begin with. And yes, I guess I did love her and I still do, but not in the way I could have before. It's more of a natural love, not a romantic one and it looks like we're both moving on.

Payson's a great girl, she really is, but I've given it a lot of thought and being completely honest here, Kaylie, besides what you already know, the ultimate reason for why I can't be with Payson is that, as cheesy and cliché as it probably sounds…she isn't you."

Nicky moves towards her and Kaylie instinctively backs up until her spine meets the window of her car. He really wishes she'd leave her hair down more often so he could brush a little out of her face like in the movies. Something crashes over him and he brings his hand to cup her cheek because he just _needs_ to touch her in some way and Nicky's a classy enough guy that of course the first thing he thinks of is her face.

"Nicky." There's a warning in her tone.

"Kaylie," he breathes back. "I'm gonna kiss you now. Stop me if that's what you really want."

Of course, the gentleman (and socially retarded gymnast) he is, Nicky warns her before he's going to kiss her. Kaylie doesn't even protest. She simply closes her eyes and prays he can't feel her heart beating through her skin. Nicky leans down because she's just that much shorter than him and her sore gymnast feet are in flats. He presses a light, chaste kiss to her lips before slowly pulling away. Kaylie slowly opens her eyes to meet his expectant gaze and they may be physically in the Rock parking lot, but with the electrically charged feel in the air, it's as if they've returned to their bubble.

Kaylie rises to the tips of her toes, meeting him halfway and bringing their lips back together. Her arms wrap around his neck and Nicky's hands find her waist, pulling them even tighter together. When she feels his tongue trace her bottom lip, Kaylie shivers and arches against him. She parts her lips because they are in their bubble and they're _Kaylicky_ and with them there's only right here and right now and all those reasons not to seem so distant.

Suddenly there's a burst of laughter from somewhere nearby. They both go still as statues despite the pounding hearts threatening to burst through heaving chests. They break away quickly, awkwardly, just like that time they had almost hugged, but realized it had been a bad idea. This, right here and right now, their bubble bursted, just as bad an idea, or at least, Kaylie's convinced it is.

"Nicky…"

"Yeah, I know," he laughs, entwining their fingers. "In front of the Rock…probably not the best place to be hashing things out."

"Nicky, I can't do this."

With that frown he's now wearing, Nicky might as well rip out her heart because that's how Kaylie feels. "But you kissed me back…"

"It...it was a mistake. I'm pretty sure I just made things worse and I'm sorry, Nicky. I'm sorry for everything, but you and Payson, you can be happy together, like drama free, going for the gold together happy and I…I'm not going to be like Marty. I can't. I'm sorry, Nicky, but, I won't."

She covers his hand with hers and slowly peels his fingers from the hold they have on hers. They share one last, lingering gaze before she turns back to her car, gets in and drives off. Nicky can only stand there and watch her go. He thinks about Valentine's Day and Payson telling him about meeting Ike, but all Nicky can really concentrate on is how _this_, here and now, hurts so much more.

* * *

**Author's note: **This was so hard to write! You have no idea. I kept working on it a little bit and closing it out and working on it again. I'm not so sure how satisfied I am with it, but what do you think? Review!

As a side note, I hear the new season starts tomorrow. Does anyone have any MIOBI spoilers? If you don't, it's okay, enjoy the premiere, if you do, put em' in a review, but make sure to put a '[SPOILER]' tag before just incase people who do mind spoilers look through the reviews. Thanks for sticking with me and reading, everyone!


	11. A Talk or Four

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Eleven: A Talk (or Four)**

Kaylie doesn't go to meet Carter. It's amazing that she manages to drive home safely with hot tears that roll down her cheeks. She sits in her dark driveway and cries for what feels like hours. She cries until she can't breathe and she's unconsciously quivering. She texts Carter and says something came up and she can't even think of a descent lie she's so broken up. She just keeps it vague and carelessly drops her phone afterwards and crawls into bed.

Her thoughts are racing and Kaylie doubts she'll get any sleep tonight. She feels like the stupidest person in the world because when Nicky Russo basically tells you he chooses _you, _the mess you are, over Payson Freaking Keeler, it sounds a lot like happily ever after. She has a weak spot for him and a part of her, the damaged princess part, longs for that fantasy life with him so, yes, she kissed him back and she loved every second of it.

When she's lying in the darkness of her room late at night (more like, early morning), huddled under her blankets and finally somewhat calm, Kaylie can't help, but shakily run her fingertips over her now dry and chapped lips. She may not have seen fireworks or some other cliché image Nicholas Sparks novels promise, but it'd be a lie to say she didn't feel anything because she did.

For one, Nicky is a frickin' amazing kisser which is surprising because he doesn't seem like the type to practice on the back of his hand or, considering he has gymnastics constantly on the brain, practice with girls. Kaylie almost laughs when she realizes that all she really has to compare it to is kissing Carter.

Carter had always been sloppy even after they got past the awkward first kiss. It was always rushed and almost forced like he was trying too hard to prove something to someone even though most of their kisses where kept in the shadows. Kissing Nicky made her feel things she always thought was romanticized idealism. It's almost magnetic like even God himself couldn't have stopped their lips from meeting. It came so naturally and for a single moment suspended in time, Kaylie felt it was okay to be selfish, that the consequences are worth it.

That Nicky _is_ worth it.

As nice as it is to keep her thoughts on Nicky and those lips and those hands, it's nearly impossible for Kaylie to not think about Payson. As dramatic as it probably sounds, Kaylie wants nothing more than to curl into a ball and die. As right as it felt, that first kiss will always be tainted because it was rooted in betrayal. If Payson ever somehow found out about the kiss it would probably be the end. Kaylie would have just lost both of her two closest friends.

In the morning, Kaylie is grouchy beyond recognition. She takes a moment to compose herself and then she goes straight into her normal routine of getting ready, carelessly picking out an outfit and lazily applying makeup. She decidedly skips breakfast and when she passes Leo on her way out, he's grinning like he has a secret, but Kaylie can't bring herself to care right now. She jets out of the house and drives straight to the Rock.

In the parking lot, pulled into her designated stall, Kaylie sits behind the steering wheel, frozen. He's going to be inside and she's debating maybe briefly talking to him just to make sure they're on the same page with everything that's happened. Then there's the way more appealing idea of avoiding him like the plague, which shouldn't be hard all things considering.

Before Kaylie can come to a decision there's a tap against the glass of her window. Seeing Lauren there, waving enthusiastically, hair in her usual braids, Kaylie pops her door open and pushes all her conflicting thoughts to the back of her head.

"Morning, Kay."

"Morning," Kaylie mimics. She's almost startled at the sound of her own voice. She hasn't used it in a while besides all the crying so it sounds rough and raspy.

"Are you coming down with something?" Lauren asks, wrinkling her nose. "Because if so, we cannot be standing too close together. I love you, Kales, but getting sick is an ever bigger bitch than Kelly Parker."

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking, Lo," Kaylie says sarcastically as they make their way inside.

"So how was your night?" Lauren asks perkily, practically bouncing alongside Kaylie who's sluggishly dragging her feet.

Kaylie looks at her from the side, trying hard not to glare, wondering what right the blonde has to be so cheery so early in the morning. Lauren looks around innocently and Kaylie weakly shrugs. "I went home and straight to bed. There. Cool enough story for yah?"

"Nothing else?" Lauren asks hopefully.

Kaylie shakes her head. "I was supposed to meet Carter…"

"Why didn't you?"

"I really don't want to talk about this or anything, really," Kaylie says tiredly.

She pushes past the front door and people are already milling all around the Rock. There's a crowd gathered towards the back, near the pommel horse and both Kaylie and Lauren can't help, but be intrigued. Girls are always on the beam or floor, attention seeking, but hardly the boys. Emily walks by, already in her leotard, all ready to start training, hands chalked and all.

"Hey, Em," Kaylie calls, "What's going on?"

"Nicky Russo has been training like a madman all morning," Emily says, lowering her voice like it's some sort of secret. "We have no idea what happened, but he's been challenging and shutting down every male gymnast in the Rock."

"Looks like the Android makes his return," Lauren coos.

Kaylie doesn't say anything. Swallowing hard, she can feel her eyes start to water and, damn it, why is Lauren staring like that? Emily goes back to training and Kaylie starts to make her way to the locker room with Lauren trailing after her. Sadly, Kaylie can't duck into the girls' locker room to avoid Lauren like she does with Nicky. Her blonde (sometimes) friend only follows her right inside.

"Lauren, drop it," Kaylie says before the blonde can even form a sentence. Dropping her bag onto the nearest bench, Kaylie then turns to her locker and swirls the dial. She's trying to keep herself focused on what's important here, but it's hard when Lauren Tanner is looking at her like that, like she just _knows_.

"I'm not an idiot. I know how to connect the dots," Lauren says. "The way you're acting and he's acting, it must be _big_. I'm just saying if you need someone to talk to…"

"So you can just go and spread it around the Rock afterwards?" Kaylie snaps. "No thanks."

"Kaylie, I know I can be a shitty friends at time, but you know me," Lauren tries.

"Yeah, I do know you," she returns. "And I know I don't need any of your help so just back off, Lo."

"Alright. Sheesh," Lauren says, planting her hand on her hip. Kaylie jiggles the little metal handle of her locker and when it doesn't open, she gives a cry of frustration and beats her fist against the cold metal. "It's five by the way. The last number. You keep stopping short at one."

One. It's Nicky's favorite number (for obvious reasons). Damn her subconscious.

Kaylie's eyes shift over to Lauren who's just standing idly by. She then goes back to her locker, twisting the knob, slower this time. The little triangle points to five and Kaylie tries again, finally getting her locker open. She doesn't need to look over to know that Lauren's trying to fight the triumph threatening to expose itself across her lips.

Without looking over, Kaylie mumbles a quiet, "Thanks."

"Anytime," Lauren says cheerily. "What are friends for?"

Lauren leaves to get ready for the long day ahead and Kaylie does the same. She really wishes she could feel something akin to warmth with Lauren actually trying to be a friend. However, Kaylie can't help, but hear the superficial sweetness in her voice, the undisclosed desires behind Lauren's eyes. Regardless, Kaylie knows this distance she's trying to keep from Lauren will disappear with time. She'll eventually forgive Lauren like she'll eventually forgive Carter. It's just the type of person Kaylie is and if that makes her a fool then so be it.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Lauren asks when Kaylie's in her pink leotard and already heading for the locker room door. "It may not mean much to you, but I know things about Nicky, things he definitely doesn't want leaked to the press or anyone, really. If he hurt you, Kales, just say the word and I—"

"Just stop it with this devious bullshit," Kaylie says. "Honestly, Lo, it's getting old."

"I don't know how, okay?" Lauren says. Her voice rises and her masks slightly cracks and Kaylie's convinced this is the real Lauren Tanner shining through. "We all use what we've got to get to where we want in the world. What is so wrong with that?"

"People get hurt," Kaylie says simply.

"Now this holier than thou bullshit you've got going on, that's getting old, Kaylie," Lauren retorts. "We all weren't born to be perfect like you, alright?"

"Why do people keep saying that?" Kaylie asks, starting to feel her frustration mounting. "You need to explain that to me, Lo, because I don't see it. First Payson, now you. I'm not perfect. I'm _not_. I'd give anything to be anyone other than me right now. Everything, with my parents, with Carter, with you, with…with Nicky…it's like everything I ever want, everything I try so damn hard to hold on to, just…disintegrates."

Kaylie, who'd been staring at her hands, finally looks up and she sees Lauren, the girl she's known since they were eight, but there's something different. At first Kaylie thinks it's pity and she feels this burning, silent fury that warming her more than any of Lauren's seemingly nice things could ever do. Suddenly, Lauren starts looking around and it makes Kaylie do the same. It's only now that either notices all the girls around the locker room, watching them.

"Hello! This isn't a fucking reality TV show!" Lauren snaps. "Don't you have better things to do, like, I don't know, train?" All the other gymnasts start to scatter and Lauren scowls. "That's right. And if any of you ever mention this to anyone, especially the media, it's the last thing you'll fucking do and that's a promise."

In a matter of seconds the room empties and Kaylie can't help, but laugh. It hurts to laugh almost as much as it hurts to think or talk or remember. Lauren looks so concerned. It's one of the first real moments they've had in what feels like an eternity.

"A classic Lauren Tanner threat if I've ever heard one," Kaylie laughs, sounding miserable. "So that's what you mean about using what you've got, huh?"

"I know. I totally lack a profanity filter too, probably because that brother of yours is hanging around the gym so much," Lauren says, smiling gently. "So all of this Kaylicky weirdness has something to do with Payson, huh?"

Kaylie shakes her head. "Please do me a favor and never say 'Kaylicky' ever again."

"Whatever you say." Lauren nods. "I haven't even been to visit Payson."

"You know?"

"Summer might have let something slip completely on accident." Lauren shrugs. "That really sucks, what happened."

"Have you ever noticed how the three of us are supposed to be best friends, but at the same time we're not? At least, not lately," Kaylie says. "I mean, we still hang out and talk all the time, but I've been so wrapped up in my own life. What happened to us, Lo?"

"Gymnastics brought us together and tears us apart all at the same time."

"No," Kaylie says, such a stinging bite to it. "Boys did."

Lauren looks taken aback for a moment and Kaylie just waits for her to jump up and down, blurting out questions about Nicky. A part of Kaylie wants to even think Lauren feels a flash of guilt over the whole Carter thing. Instead, softly, nostalgically, Lauren mutters, "We should get it back; You, Payson and me, maybe even Emily. We should get back to the real us."

"Nice attempt," Kaylie says, trying to smile, "But it sounds more like fantasy then reality at this point."

"Doesn't mean we can't try," Lauren counters. "Come on, Kales, we have to at least try."

"Alright," Kaylie says finally. "And I know how you can start."

Lauren smirks. "I am all ears."

"Whatever you have on Nicky, forget it," Kaylie says. "Wipe it clean from your hard drive. I don't want you ever talking about it or even thinking about it. If you cross that line, Lo, and Nicky gets hurt, because we both know when your scheming is involved, someone gets hurt…that's _it_ for us. I can't keep trying to repair a friendship with someone I can't trust."

"Wow, you really fell for him, huh?" Lauren says. It's more of an observation than teasing and Kaylie absolutely hates that.

"We, uh, better get out there before Sasha comes in looking for us," Kaylie says. It's a lame way at avoiding the topic at hand and it makes Lauren giggle, but Kaylie tries hard to pretend she doesn't notice.

"And just so you know, I'm game," Lauren says. "The dirt on Nicky, already forgotten."

"Good."

They walk out of the locker room and Kaylie feels somewhat better than when she went in. She still doesn't know about Lauren and her motives and it's obvious their friendship will never be at the level it had once been. Like a broken mirror, the shards may be able to fit together perfectly, but nothing will ever make those cracks completely disappear. At least Lauren seems to be trying and Kaylie knows she can't really ask for more than that.

It's all really distracting and Kaylie isn't watching where she's going (when is she ever?), but then she sees someone jet by her and she quickly looks and sees Nicky. He stops a moment for a drink of water and Kaylie can't help, but feel sort of hurt with the way he's acting like she doesn't even exist anymore. Quickly snapping out of it, she makes up excuses for him in her head (maybe he has a lot on his mind too) and slowly walks over.

"Hey," Kaylie says hesitantly.

Nicky gives a little sigh. Kaylie immediately gets distracted, seeing the light sheen to those incredible lips, slick with water. His forehead crinkles a bit and immediately breaks Kaylie free from that train of thought (thank God). She sees his eyes and the way he quickly looks away. She notices how he backs away from her a little bit, so guarded, so like the arrogant ass she used to know.

"What can I do for you?" he asks. Kaylie frowns at how formal, how _cold_ he sounds.

"Do you have a sec to talk?" she asks in return.

"Not really," Nicky replies, sounding bored. His eyes are across the gym and he nods and smiles at someone like he completely forgot she's standing there in front of him. Kaylie finds herself annoyed, but then his eyes flicker over to her for the briefest of moments before he looks away again. It's like he can't even look at her, like it hurts too much.

"Look, I just thought that after last night—"

"I'm kinda busy right now," he says. "Plus, I think you made things pretty clear."

There's a bitter edge to his voice and Kaylie literally feels her heart sink down to her stomach. He has to understand. She has to make him understand why she did what she did last night. Some lines are just not meant for people to cross and they may have blurred last night, but Kaylie is firm in her decision not to go there again.

"Nicky…"

"And just for future notice, this right here," Nicky says, motioning to the space between them, "completely defeats the point of me giving you space."

"See, this is why last night shouldn't have happened," Kaylie says, trying to keep her voice low, not wanting to cause two scenes in a single morning. "I knew things would have turned out like this."

"Like what?"

"Weird," Kaylie answers. "Just because we can't be together doesn't mean you have to go back to being that arrogant ass you were before. Seriously, Nicky, you're acting like we weren't even friends to begin with."

"I just can't do this with you right now, alright? I'm not trying to be an ass. I'm just trying to deal," Nicky says. "You know what? Maybe it would have been better if we weren't friends to begin with."

Kaylie literally feels like she just face-planted trying a dismount. "How can you even say that?"

"Because then we wouldn't be standing here, having this stupid conversation," he says.

"So you just want to go back to hating each other?"

"No." Nicky sighs. It's obvious he's just as upset. "Now, if you'd quit lying to yourself—"

"Lying to myself?" Kaylie repeats, feeling her anger building.

"Nicholas!" a voice shouts from across the room, interrupting their growing argument.

Nicky looks away, but Kaylie just keeps staring right at him, hoping to make him feel just as uncomfortable as she does. What right does he have to treat her like this? Just as that initial thought crosses her mind, Kaylie thinks about last night, how she had probably gotten his hopes up by kissing him, just to bring everything tumbling down by walking away. She looks down at the ground and can't help, but wonder, how the hell did they get to this point?

"Are we done here?" he asks frigidly. "I have things to do."

Kaylie nods slowly, but then realizes that the sound of that voice and the figure approaching is the one and only Dr. Russo. He's dressed in a casual polo shirt and dress pants, no suit or tie or white lab coat. Dr. Russo is smiling and walking over and Kaylie tries to summon her sweetest, brightest smile as much as she wants to go sit in her car for a bit and start bawling.

"Why is your dad here?" Kaylie asks curiously. Nicky doesn't reply.

"Nicholas, if there's one thing I can't stand more than suck-up interns, it's traffic," Dr. Russo explains once he finally meets his son from across the gym. "If we're going to Denver we need to leave now."

"Yeah, dad, I just need a few things from the locker room and then we can go," he says. He looks at Kaylie from the corner of his eyes a moment, before finally walking away. She may be putting up a brave front, but she feels completely dead inside.

"Kaylie."

"Doctor Russo," Kaylie says weakly. "Hi."

"It seems like we're running into each other all over Boulder," Dr. Russo says. Kaylie tries to match the smile he has plastered on his face. Being a doctor and at the very least twice her age, he's obviously had more practice. "I'm sorry. I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?"

"No, just talking," Kaylie lies. "So, um, why are you two going to Denver today?"

"We're meeting an old colleague of mine for lunch and then I have some other business to take care of. The details would only bore you. Nothing to worry about."

"Oh. Nicky tells me you two have been spending more time together lately." Kaylie tries to focus on the good (the little there is) because everything else just hurts too much.

"It's difficult, sure, with both our schedules being so convoluted, but we've both agreed to make more of an effort, yes. You played a big part in that," Dr. Russo says, looking at the girl in the pink leotard like she's some sort of messenger angel from God or something.

"Dr. Russo, I don't think—"

"Don't be modest," he tells her, smiling. "Our little chat that day at the hospital was the last sort of push I needed and I'm truly grateful for that."

"Nicky certainly seems happier," she says. This one only feels like a half-truth. "As long as Nicky's happy then I'm happy."

"He's lucky to have such a good friend. Now, I know how serious you gymnasts take your craft. I wouldn't want to keep you from your training. Again, it was really nice seeing you, Kaylie."

"You too, Dr. Russo."

As she waves and turns away, Kaylie's glad the conversation ended before Nicky could get back. Seriously, having to say goodbye and watch him not even acknowledge her, Kaylie's certain she'd fall apart all over again.

When she hits that mat, Kaylie treats it the exact same way she treated National and Carter and Lauren. She converts all the pain over losing Nicky and the anger over the shitty situation into being a better gymnast. Every movement is sharp and exact and it makes her feel so powerful, invincible even. Kaylie knows her body and how it moves. Unlike her social life, she can control everything that happens. That's why she loves gymnastics so much.

"Be careful there, Champ," a voice warns just as she dismounts the beam and her feet stick perfectly, hands in the air. Kaylie turns to see Carter standing there, clapping lighting, smiling proudly. "Sasha sent me to tell you to go home. You've done enough for the day."

"No." Kaylie shakes her head and feels the strands in her tight ponytail whip from side to side. "I almost fell off when I was trying to do a full turn on one foot. I need to go again."

"Kaylie, half the gym is gone," he points out. "You can tackle it first thing tomorrow."

"There are girls always hogging the balance beam," she argues. "No. Now it's empty, it's perfect."

"Jeez, it's like you're turning into Nicky Russo or something…"

Kaylie had been ready to mount the beam from the mat, but at the mention of Nicky she just freezes. All that concentration she's been feeding off of for the last few hours has completely disappeared. All she can see is that insufferable smirk and those sad eyes. All she hears is his voice, rasping "Princess" and just the mere memory gives her chills.

"Hey Kaylie, you still here?"

"Huh?" She turns quickly to see Carter standing there, looking at her with concern.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine. I, um, you might be right about going home now," Kaylie says quickly. "I'm just going to grab my things and go. Thanks, Carter."

"No problem, but, um, do you think we could maybe talk first?" he asks, following her towards the girls' locker room. Kaylie's still trying so desperately hard to get all thoughts of Nicky Russo out of her head.

"Oh. Right. I'm sorry about bailing last night," she apologizes.

"No. It's fine. Um, I know you're probably tired so I'll try to keep this as brief as possible," Carter says, nervously wringing his fingers. "So, do you remember how at Payson's prom I told you that I was seriously ready to move on?"

"Hmm, yeah."

"Well, I have."

"Oh." Kaylie makes this bewildered face and, honestly, she had expected him to grovel and pull out more of that soul mates mumbo-jumbo he's been preaching ever since their breakup. This, well, this is a new one. "So, let me get this straight. You wanted to meet last night so you could tell about your new girlfriend?"

"Wait, just hear me out, okay? Then you can scream later if that's what you really want," Carter says calmly. "Look, Kaylie, I just want to apologize again. I know I can beg you to forgive me and it still won't change anything I did, but that won't stop me from doing it over and over again because, yes, I still care about you to some degree and your opinion really does matter to me."

"Alright." Kaylie nods. It sounds so rehearsed and he looks so nervous. "I forgive you."

"Really?" Carter asks, eyes wide. "Or are you just saying that?"

"Honestly, it still bothers me, but this whole living in the past thing isn't working for me either," she says. "I just want all of us to move on from this so I hope you and whoever she is are happy together."

"Wow. Well, Phase One complete."

Kaylie's forehead crinkles. "There are phases now?"

"Don't judge the phases," Carter says lightheartedly. Kaylie almost even smiles and maybe, just maybe they have a chance at happily coexisting after they finally bury all of this baggage. "You don't know how much sleep I've lost, trying to think of what I'd say to you."

"Okay, then just say it," Kaylie urges him. "What's Phase Two?"

"Telling you that—" Carter pauses to take a deep breath, "—That the girl I'm interested in…it's, well, Lauren."

A silence follows and Kaylie can't help the way her eyes glaze over and her jaw drops a little, especially after having that talk with Lauren this morning. Now it makes sense why Lauren seemed so chipper this morning, asking Kaylie bout the night before, probing the topic of Carter. Lauren must have figured that if Kaylie was talking to her then Carter told her and things were on its way to okay. Lauren wasn't kidding about her fatal attraction to deception.

Honestly, Kaylie doesn't know what to say. This isn't going with her plan. Her is plan for all of them to move on, to let wounds heal and find new people (preferably ones that don't train at the Rock, even more so ones who don't follow gymnastics). All of that seems to go right out the window. It seems Carter is asking permission for him and Lauren to make their relationship official (but still under Sasha's radar, of course).

"Kaylie?"

She honestly doesn't know how to react and clings to the first thing she feels – anger.

"Seriously, Carter?" she hisses.

"Yes, I'm serious," he says, soft and slow.

"Unbelievable."

"Kaylie, listen—"

"I cannot believe this is happening!" she shouts. "What is it with you people? I constantly beat myself up for this _thing_ with Nicky and how it could potentially harm, more like _already_ harmed my friendship with Payson and here are Lauren and you _still_ going behind my back! You and I were in a relationship. Nicky and Payson haven't even gone on a real date. Tell me, how do you keep the guilt from eating you up alive?"

"I feel bad, yeah, but, wait, what does Nicky and Payson have anything to do with this?"

"You were saying?" Kaylie says, trying to recuperate from her little outburst.

"I really care about Lauren," Carter admits. "And when you have someone that cares just as much about you as you do about them then, well, fighting it just seems pointless."

Kaylie can't help, but roll her eyes. Carter has always been a bit of a sappy, hopeless romantic of sorts. Why should she expect now to be any different?

"Trust me, Kaylie, it's a slow process, but if someone's worth it then you just start to feel less guilty about doing something that just feels right."

"Are you sure it's not just Lauren and her lack of remorse rubbing off on you?"

"Kaylie, just wait a second…"

"Don't tell me what to do," she sneers, resisting the urge to stomp.

"Look, I know she's your best friend and how bad this all looks, but it's like I can't help myself," Carter argues. "Sure, this thing between me and Lauren, it might have just started out as, well, sex, and it was wrong then and I'm sorry, but the difference between last time and this time, is that now you and me aren't together and I got to know Lauren and…I fell in love."

That word from Carter's mouth feels like a sharp slap across the face. How can he believe in something so wholeheartedly when Kaylie doesn't even know it exists?

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I'd rather you hear it from me," Carter says. "Yeah, it's hard and a lot to digest, but I'd rather tell you myself than you hear it from someone else or catch us together or Lauren have one of her freak outs and use us as ammunition like we both know she would. I'm just trying to do the right thing here, Kaylie."

With her eyes off in the distance, Kaylie gives this some thought. She really has no claim on Carter, not anymore, not for a long time now. Who is she to stop them from being together? Who is she to make them just as miserable as she is right now? Kaylie can't do that. It just isn't her.

"And I'm really grateful you told me like this," she says. "It just took me by surprise, you know? And I've already got so much on mind. Just…just keep it where I can't see, okay? At least for a little while."

"Okay." Carter nods. "And Lauren and you?"

"That's something Lauren and me have to work out for ourselves," Kaylie says.

"Alright. Cool. We'll treat it like you're Sasha. Just know that I asked Lauren not to tell you. I thought it was only right for me to do it myself," Carter explains. Kaylie nods and heads for the locker room, but then Carter calls out to her one last time. "So you and Russo, huh?"

"Don't, Carter."

"What?"

"I am not having this conversation with you," Kaylie says, shaking her head. "It's too weird."

"Come on," Carter says with a smile. "See, I knew you liked that guy ever since you two did your little bullfight routine thing. Well, it's nice to know I wasn't just imagining things."

"Okay, one more word and I might reconsider this whole my ex-boyfriend dating my friend thing. Now I'm going to the locker room and then I'm going home," Kaylie says resolutely. Goodnight, Carter."

"Just know that if you ever need to talk or even just someone to listen, there's me," he says, awkwardly shuffling around. "I really do hope we can be friends."

"Yeah, me too."

Wiggling her fingers in a wave, Kaylie walks off to the locker room. She's made a lot of decisions today and unlike the night before, at least this time Kaylie's leaving the Rock feeling at least some sense of hope.

…

"Parker is a complete schmuck. He beat me once. _Once_ on the golf course and he won't ever let me forget it," Dr. Russo says, pulling into a parking stall and shutting off the engine of his SUV. He massages his temples with his thumb and forefinger before he sighs and looks over at his son to his right. "Well, we're here. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"It's what I want," Nicky says firmly, without a tone.

"But you were just starting to seem happy in Boulder…"

"It's not about being happy, dad," he quickly cuts his father off before he can even think to mention a certain National Champion with a subconscious inclination to pink leotards. "I can't focus at the Rock. There's just too much drama. I should have done this a long time ago. Marty has always been my coach and I was an idiot to think I could do this without him."

"Well, Nicky, if you're sure," Dr. Russo says, wavering in the slightest.

"I'm sure." Nicky nods.

"Alright. Let's go then."

Feeling like a young man about to offer his soul to the devil, Nicky sighs and walks right into Denver Elite.

* * *

**Author's note: **So, first of all, I totally just had this dream that was like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Make it or Break it style. Someone should totally write it because I will read and review that. LOL. I want to know what everyone thinks of season two so far, especially Austin. Lastly, I think I've converted myself to a full-time Kaylicky shipper.


	12. A Broken Cliché

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

**Author's note**: Thanks to** PrettyLittleDevil, Aladkinson, Creatively Licensed B, Sirahc, Advo, PaysonandNickyfan, Audrey, Mfoto** for reviewing the last chapter. It means so much to me and your input really influences my writing. LOL to all the Pants talk! Now enjoy!

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Twelve: A Broken Cliché **

One of the few things Nicky Russo is sure of these days is that Payson Keeler has a beautiful smile.

When she smiles (which isn't often these days) it's, for one, infectious. Nicky can't help the way his lips tug at the sides, seeing her beaming so brightly. She radiates such light and admittedly it's one of the things that first drew him to her. Payson can be so intense and stiff, but then she's light and calm and that smile is just amazing. It makes him think he can wake up every morning to that smile and be the happiest guy in the world.

"See?" Payson asks excitedly. Her movement is awkward and unsteady as she puts one foot in front of the other and makes her way back towards him. Nicky can't help the buzzing in the tips of his fingers, ready to run over and catch her incase she takes a tumble. Every time she wavers, Payson slows everything down and finds her balance before going on. When she reaches him beneath the tree in the garden behind the hospital, Nicky breathes a sigh.

"Very impressive," Nicky says. Payson flashes him that bright smile once more before she settles down in the wheel chair and lets him push her back towards the hospital at a leisure pace, enjoying the fresh air and the blue sky for just a little longer.

"So what's up, Nicky?" she asks. "It must be important if you came all this way to see me."

"So something has to be up for me to visit you?" Nicky asks, trying to sound playful, but they both know it comes out weak. "It's a big day. You get to leave the hospital tonight. I just wanted to stop by and, you know, be supportive. You're saying I'm not allowed to do that?"

"No. You're not." Payson nods surely and Nicky can't help, but smile. She's in such a better mood than the last few times he's seen her. Everything is nice and easy, as it should be between them.

"So you should know that this might be the last time I see you for a while," Nicky says guiltily.

"And you should probably know that I, uhh, I talked to Kaylie," Payson says. Nicky stops, his hands tense on the handles of the wheel chair. Slowly, Payson turns to look at him, her forehead crinkled in such shame.

"So I take it things didn't go well?" he asks, wheeling her over to a nearby stone bench right outside the glass hospital doors.

"I might have overreacted a little."

Nicky takes a seat on the bench and chuckles. "A little?"

"How's she doing?" Payson asks. Nicky can easily see in her eyes, how much Payson really does care for Kaylie, how much their friendship means to her. Nicky can't look at her anymore, ashamed he had tried so desperately to intrude on that.

Nicky's shoulders go up in a shrug. "I don't really know. We're just…giving each other space."

Payson frowns. "Because of me."

"It was complicated from the start," Nicky says. Payson takes that as a yes.

"She likes you," Payson says quietly. Nicky immediately feels uncomfortable, remembering a little while back when Kaylie was telling him the same thing about Payson. Those days feel so long ago. It's crazy to think about how many things have changed since those distant, simple days before California, before Payson's injury, before Kaylie Cruz snuck her way into his life (heart).

"We talked about it and we decided that it isn't going to work and it isn't anyone's fault," Nicky says with all the strength he can gather. The words feel heavy on his tongue. He still feels an ache deep in his chest and he has to keep his eyes focused on one point away from Payson to keep from snapping and going cold.

"Because of me, again," Payson says, nodding. "I said some things to Kaylie and the way I treated her, it wasn't right."

"Payson, don't."

"No. You weren't there," Payson says, immediately interrupting him. "You can blame the fact that I was heavily medicated, but I was still there. I said those things. I was angry and selfish and I can admit that now. I've finally come to terms with the fact that…that I won't be able to do gymnastics ever again." Payson pauses a moment, shudders and takes an uneasy breath before going on. "I understand that now and I'm ready to start rebuilding. That's why I'm glad you came to visit today."

Nicky nods thoughtfully. He's kept his eyes on the unnaturally green lawn for some time now. After hearing and digesting Payson's little speech, Nicky finally looks over at her. His forehead is in creases and his bottom lip protrudes ever so slightly. Payson is certain he has no idea how heartbroken he really looks.

"We don't have anything anymore, do we?" he asks gently.

"Nicky." Payson says his name so delicately, like touching the wings of a butterfly. "I think we both know the answer to that question."

"Yeah, I guess." Nicky gives a deflating sigh. He leans forward with his forearms resting on his knees, nervously wringing his hands. "But just think about it for a second here, Pay. We would have made _the_ _best _cliché."

"Oh, yes," Payson says, smiling, playing along. "Because without the male lead learning to look past the pink-obsessed superficial goddess and discover that he really loves the tomboy Plain Jane, how on earth will little eleven-year-old girls learn life lessons?"

"Exactly. Maybe we should reconsider," he proposed. "You know, for all the little Beccas out there."

Payson laughs. "I think they'll live."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"So what are we going to do about Kaylie?" she asks, genuinely concerned.

Nicky shrugs. "What is there to do?"

"I'm not one for confrontation, but I think it's obvious at this point that I just really need to talk to her," Payson says. She looks over at Nicky and sees the way he sort of closes in on himself. She's seen him so focused on gymnastics, his passion so strong it drowns out all else, to the point where he shuts out the rest of the world. She never imagined he'd do the same for a girl, Kaylie Cruz of all girls.

"You like her too," Payson says matter-of-factly.

Nicky shakes his head, looking miserable. "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters," she argues.

"She doesn't want me." Nicky looks straight at her, into her eyes, into her soul and says it through gritting teeth. His eyes are glazed over, watered with unwelcomed emotion. Payson feels a gasp rise in her throat, but manages to swallow it down before Nicky notices. Payson reaches out to lower her hand to his shoulder, but Nicky snaps away before she reaches him. "Why do I care, anyways? At first I hated her. _Hated_ her. Overconfident gymnast. Preppy prom-princess type. Annoying. Talks too much. Drama magnet. Broken. She's _so_ broken. She's like a disease, you know?"

"Nicky, that's a little harsh."

"Causes pain, dysfunction, distress," Nicky goes on. "Hard to get rid of once you're infected."

Payson shakes her head. Despite what may have transpired between them, Payson still thinks of Kaylie as a friend, one of her best friends in fact. To know that Nicky cares for her and to hear him talk about her in this way doesn't feel right. Payson doesn't know what to say to sooth his wounds. They're deep, emotional wounds that may even rival her physical pain. For physical pain there's Morphine and Vicodin, but for matters of the heart, a cure doesn't come by as easily.

"I'll talk to her," Payson says. "Then she'll talk to you. Everything will be fine."

"No, it won't," Nicky says sadly. "You have no idea how bad things are."

"Why are you being so pessimistic?"

"I'm going to Denver Elite," Nicky confesses. He squeezes his eyes tight for a minute. He still gets this tight feeling in his chest every time he says it or even thinks about it. "They've been trying to recruit me for a long time now and I've decided to go. I leave at the end of the week. Sasha already knows and it's what I think is best so he respects that."

"Why?" Payson asks, a little betrayed. "Why would you ever even consider that?"

"Because it's the right thing to do," he replies. "Because fighting for Sasha's attention and losing isn't working for me anymore. I can't do this on my own and my supposed coach is too busy flirting with his secretary or whatever Summer does there and Marty wants to train me. He wants to make me his top priority. This is something I need to do. Plus, I could do without the drama..."

"Nicky, are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

"Just hear me out, Pay," he urges her. "When I say Kaylie and I are giving each other space I mean Kaylie and I are ignoring each other. Things are awkward and that doesn't look like it'll be changing any time soon. Kaylie may be able to use all this drama to be a better gymnast, but I can't. I need to focus and I can't do that here in Boulder. Yeah, it may be selfish, but it's the right thing to do. You can respect that, right, as a gymnast…or, well, former gymnast or...damn it, I'm sorry, Pay."

"No, it's fine," Payson says, shaking her head. She looks down for a moment before meeting Nicky's eyes for the first time in a while. She swallows hard a moment and catches her breath. "As a former gymnast, I can respect that, but as a girl, Kaylie won't. Denver means Marty. We've drifted and even I know how she is about all things related to Marty Walsh and now you're running to him?"

"London 2012. That's the only happy ever after I see here," Nicky says. "It's just best to pick up and move on before things can get any worse than they already are."

"What about Kaylie?" Payson asks, starting to get frustrated.

"What about her?" Nicky echoes, sounding just as upset if not more. "What do you want me to do, Payson? Because if I could snap my fingers and make everything better, believe me, I would, I would have a long time ago, but I can't. Yes, there's something the great Nicky Russo can't do and it's this. I wasn't built to deal with this kind of stuff. I can't."

"Nicky…"

"I'm taking you back," Nicky says suddenly. He stands from the bench and moves behind Payson, pushing the wheel chair back along the concrete path. His fingers tremble against the plastic handles as he tries to regain his composure.

"Nicky."

"I don't want to hear it, Payson."

"Stay strong in Denver," she says lowly. "Train hard. You're a good gymnast. Do what you have to do."

"Thank you." He sighs.

"Good luck." She frowns.

…

"Dear Broody Brat, drove mom to therapy and grabbing a bite after. I bought a new box of Twinkies. It's in the cupboard, but I know your skinny ass won't eat that so there might be tomato soup in the refridgerator. Your crying is loud and annoying. Stop it. Your loving brother, Leo."

Kaylie glare as if she could set that piece of paper on fire with a single look. When that doesn't happen, she rips it off the refrigerator, crumples it and tosses it in the trashcan. She grabs a box of cereal from off the top of the refrigerator and goes in for the milk when she hears the front door creak open and slam shut.

"Hey, loser! Tell me, how does a grant winner spell refrigerator wrong?" Kaylie shouts. Her voice carries through the gigantic, empty house, but no reply comes. Kaylie stops with her hand on the refrigerator door, carefully watching the doorway.

Odd. Leo's usually quicker with his retorts.

Kaylie creeps across the kitchen and through the living room. She sees the flash of someone dashing up the stairs and her heart starts beating faster and faster. Kaylie swiftly moves to press her spine to the inner wall of the living room. The last time she thought someone broke in it was just Leo. This time she isn't so sure.

Walking on the tips of her toes, Kaylie goes to the closet beneath the stairs, finding one of her father's many baseball bats he leaves around. She waits and waits and waits. There are footsteps upstairs. The floorboards creak beneath the weight. The sounds get louder, closer. Her fingers curl tightly around the bat, but when she shifts and gets a look at the person coming down the stairs, it sips from her hands and clamors against the hardwood floor.

"D—Dad…"

"Kaylie."

Alex Cruz stands at the top of the staircase, dressed in dark clothing, hunched over. He looks so tired. The bags beneath his eyes are dark purple, deep depressions in his skin. He looks so worn and torn and all Kaylie wants to do is run to him and have him wrap his arms around her like he would when she was a child on those nights where a rare, but violent thunderstorm would pass over the city.

Then she spots his suitcase in one of his hands and a briefcase in the other. Kaylie stays grounded in her spot.

"Dad, y–you can't leave," she chokes out.

"Kaylie, I can't stay."

"Why not?" she asks angrily. Kaylie almost stomps her foot, but catches herself just in time. She tries to keep calm, tries so desperately hard from falling into that spoiled little rich girl cliché people always peg her as upon seeing her mainly pink wardrobe and her shiny, expensive car.

Alex Cruz barrels down the stairs, keeping his eyes low, in disgrace. Kaylie stands there, between him and the door. When he tries to walk around her, Kaylie steps in the way and blocks him from moving. Alex gives his daughter a hard stare, puffing out his chest and making a sound reminiscent of a bull. Despite her father's intimidating show, Kaylie doesn't back down. She never has and isn't about to start now.

"Dad, you can't just walk away without talking to me," she says strongly. "You can't."

"Kaylie, this is between your mother and me."

"How can you even say that?" she shouts, feeling everything boiling over. "How can you say that when you weren't here to see mom fall apart? You didn't have to make sure she was eating. You didn't have to answer her phone and tell lies to cover for her. You don't have to lie in bed and pretend you don't hear her crying every night. I did. I did all of that. There is no way you can go through all of that and still be looked down on like a child. I am not a child, not anymore."

"You want to be treated like an adult? Okay, let's talk like adults," he says. Kaylie hears the anger in his voice and almost shrinks away like she's done so many times in her youth. She also hears how he's trying to suppress it and when he motions to the dining room, she waits for him to walk over and follows suit.

They settle down at the table across from one another, both trying so desperately hard to keep that infamous Cruz temper in check. It's one of the few things Kaylie got from her father. She's never seen it before, but now that they're in the same room, relatively calm, staring each other down, it's beyond apparent.

"Why won't you come home?" she asks boldly. Alex looks away and groans beneath his breath. He sets his briefcase up onto the dinner table and lifts up the metal clips, pulling forth an envelope and leaving it on the table. At first Kaylie grows irritable, thinking he's ignoring her, but then she sees the thoughtful look on his face and stays quiet.

"Kaylie, this is more complicated than it seems," Alex sighs, staring down at the lines of his russet fingers. "Your mother, God bless the woman, had an affair. It doesn't matter whom with. All that matters is that it happened and as much as I want to come home, baby, I can't. I need some time to myself, to think. You can understand that, right?"

She wants to yell and scream and curse, but that isn't very adult so instead she nods slowly and murmurs, "I understand."

"Good," he says, smiles and squeezes her hand from his seat across from her. Suddenly, Kaylie doesn't feel like an adult. Overwhelmed by her father's ominous presence, she feels like a child, the good little girl she was raised to be. "Now I need to get out of here before your mother gets back…"

"Dad," Kaylie says, almost inaudibly.

"What is it, Kaylie?" he asks impatiently. He just can't wait to get away and that kills her.

"Do you still love mom?" she asks, sounding so small and fragile.

Halfway out of his seat, Alex Cruz pauses and looks back at his little girl. He relaxes in his chair once again and Kaylie holds her breath, waiting for an answer. Her father runs his hand over his face that looks like it aged more in the time he was gone than the last five years. He doesn't look like he's been sleeping. He doesn't look like time away has made him feel any better so why is he still so set on leaving?

"Of course I love your mother, but I'm hurt too. I'm allowed to be hurt, aren't I?" he asks. Kaylie gives him a little nod. "I just need to breathe, nena."

Kaylie hears the affection in his voice and fights hard not to cry.

"I'm not a little girl anymore, dad," she says softly. No venom. No spite. Kaylie even manages to smile despite the way the water on her eyes feel thick, slightly clouding her vision.

"Indeed," he says. There's something in his eyes. Respect maybe? Regret? "It was good seeing you, chica, and I'm sorry I have to keep this brief, but I still have things to do, people waiting for me."

"It's fine."

"I'll call you later to wish you goodnight." Alex stands and despite giving him permission, Kaylie's struck with the feeling that she can't let him go without saying more.

"She's in therapy, you know?" Kaylie feels inclined to mention. Alex pauses. "She's really trying. And I'm horrible and a pathetic little daddy's girl so I kicked her, figuratively kicked her, the one time she really made an effort. I chose you, dad. I chose your side because I know what you're going through. That whole thing with Carter turned out just as bad as you thought it would. I gave him my heart. I trusted him and he broke that trust. He broke my heart and I've learned my lesson. I'm done with love."

She trembling, but finally having said this to her father, pushing through her fear, fear of him and fear of how he'd see her, Kaylie feels remarkably lighter. She wants to smile, feeling triumphant for the first time in so long, but the shattered look on her father's face has her at a standstill.

"I didn't want to be right about Carter and I know it hurts, but, Nena, you're still young," Alex whispers lightly. Now on his feet, standing behind his daughter, he lays a heavy hand on the back of Kaylie's neck gives her a reassuring squeeze. "Don't give up just yet, huh?"

"That's a little hypocritical of you, don't you think?"

"I'm telling you not to give up because I haven't either," he tells her. "Te amo tanto mucho_."_

He kisses the top of her head again Kaylie does everything in her power to resist the tears. "I love you too, dad."

…

Nicky spends the rest of the day packing for Denver. They'll be keeping their Boulder house. It is, after all, the house Nicky grew up in, but they'll be going back to their Denver property where they moved to after his mother's death. Nicky will be going ahead of his father and stay at one of their condos in the city. Dr. Russo still has a few things to take care of at the hospital before he can transfer to Denver. By the time his transfer goes through, the Denver house should be back up and ready to be lived in.

Standing back and staring at his pride and glory shelves of trophies, Nicky debating whether of not to take them to Denver when he hears the doorbell ring. Pulling him from the task at hand, only now does he realize how it's pitch black outside and late into the night. He walks down the stairs and right to the large front door, wondering who could possibly be visiting at this time.

"Kaylie…"

"Hey, I know what you're thinking. I just…I just…"

"Did you run all the way here again?" Nicky asks. It's obvious by the tone of his voice and the way he carries himself that he's trying to be distant and seem uncaring. Kaylie shakes her head. She just can't bring herself to buy into the façade.

"No. Drove this time." She manages a small smile and holds up her car keys as proof. She tries to look around him, but all she sees is a dim light and doesn't hear a sound. "Um, is your dad home? I don't want to wake him up, especially if he has work tomorrow or something…"

"No. It's just me."

"Oh. Cool. Can we talk?"

"Kaylie—"

"Wait, you're going to love this," she says laughingly. "My dad came home today." She pauses and waits for his reaction, but then she realizes the way her eyes are watering and another bitter, broken laugh tumbles from her lips. "God, I feel like all I ever do these days is cry." She takes a moment and composes herself. "I just need fifteen minutes, Nicky. I know things, well, suck between us right now, but I really need someone to just talk to or just to listen to me and…I don't have anyone else."

Nicky grinds his teeth together, trying to make a quick decision. With the way she's looking at him, with those big, brown eyes of hers and how she's nervously swaying, fiddling with her keys, Kaylie just looks so sad. How is he supposed to slam the door in her face now?

"Don't make me regret this, Kaylie," he says, moving aside and letting her through.

Kaylie smiles thankfully and steps into the house that had felt like hers at one point during her friendship with Nicky. It's dark all throughout, except for the light coming from the halls of the second floor. Nicky shuts the door, shuffling, not knowing where to go. He can't take her upstairs. She'll probably ask questions about the suitcases. All that's left is that one glow-in-the-dark star he can't bring himself to take down.

"Have you eaten anything?" he asks, moving towards the kitchen.

"I did earlier," she says. They both know it's a lie, but he doesn't question it.

Nicky flips a switch and illuminates the kitchen. He goes straight to the refrigerator while Kaylie presses her palms into cold marble, muscles in her arms contracting to lift herself up and sit atop the island in the center. She lets her legs sway, staring down at her black and white sneakers accented with hints of pink. Kaylie stares at the back of Nicky's head as he shuffles thing around in the fridge, taking note of how close they are and hating how it feels more like miles than inches.

"So you wanted to talk?" Nicky asks, peering at her from around the door.

Kaylie blinks, catches herself and averts her eyes. "I caught my dad trying to sneak into the house to grab some things and just leave like he was never there. Can you believe the nerve of that guy?"

Kaylie pauses, to see if Nicky will say anything, but he doesn't. He just goes on in his hunt for anything edible. Remembering her bargain at the front door, Kaylie continues to swing her feet as she organizes all the bumbling thoughts in her head.

"I realized that, yeah, I'm mad at him for leaving and I'm mad at myself for treating my mom the way I did. I just handled everything badly," Kaylie says remorsefully. "It felt like it was going to be a train wreck in the beginning, but it actually turned out to be a good talk. Ha, then after he was gone I noticed he left something behind. Divorce papers."

Nicky pulls away from the refrigerator with a plum in the palm of his hand. With his eyes indefinitely on her, Nicky moves to the stainless steel sink and runs his fruit beneath the faucet before he goes to the counter and pushes himself up to sit there across from her at the island. He doesn't take his eyes off her, not once, and Kaylie can't seem to bring her eyes away from her sneakers.

"He told me not to give up on love," she says with a bitter laugh. "He told me not to give up on love because he hasn't, yet he's leaving divorce papers for my mom? I just don't get it."

"How did your mom react to the papers?"

"She didn't," Kaylie says. "I hid them in the study."

"Kaylie," he groans irritably. It's so typical her. "You need to give your mom those papers."

"So I can watch her fall apart all over again?" Kaylie asks sharply. "Yeah, no thanks."

"Maybe he's testing her," Nicky offers. "Did he sign them yet?"

Kaylie shrugs. "I don't know."

"Divorce papers need the signature of both parties. If your dad didn't sign them yet then there's still a chance. He could just be waiting to see what she does with them, see how willing she is to fight for their marriage," Nicky says. He sinks his pearly white teeth into the plum and juice pours free once the skin is broken, dripping down his chiseled jaw.

"If you're right then he's playing mind games and I don't appreciate that. It isn't how a relationship is supposed to be," Kaylie says. She can't help, but watch him eating that fruit, the way he bites into it hungrily and tries to catch its spilling liquid with his tongue. Catching herself yet again, Kaylie looks away, mentally begging her body not to blush.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," Nicky says. With one last bite, he finishes off that plum extremely fast and disposes of the seed before going to wash his hands. "Give your mom the papers, Kaylie."

She's reluctant and chooses not to respond to that. "Anyways, thanks for listening, Nicky."

Right here is where the "anytime" is supposed to come, but Nicky says nothing.

"I just want to know one more thing and I'll leave," Kaylie says. She jumps down from the island and walks closer to him, such slow and calculated movement with the precision of a cat. As Nicky dries his hands on the towel hanging off the oven handle, he looks over at Kaylie with utter wariness.

"Go ahead."

"Why is it that everyone ends up leaving me?" she asks, her voice breaking as she does. Then she takes a moment to look at him, to actually look at him. Nicky squirms nervously beneath her intense gaze and his jaw moves, ready to say something and eliminate the sudden, tense silence, but then he feels her hand against his cheek. "Everyone except you."

"Kaylie…"

"I'm sorry, Nicky," she says strongly. It's obvious she isn't apologizing for coming here at this hour or for the way she's caressing his cheek, or staring into his eyes, pulling him in, tempting him. "You told me that to fix things all I'd have to do is stop lying to myself. Well, I'm done. That time, in the parking lot, when you kissed me and I kissed you, it wasn't a mistake. I want to be with you too. I'm not afraid anymore."

And with that, Kaylie eliminates the distance between them, bringing her mouth to his. The moment their lips brush it's like every nerve ending in her body comes alive. It reminds her how she's been dull and deprived for so long. She's hit with this sudden intense desire that's slowly taking over, the need to touch, to be touched, to feel and experience. It's a sensation she thought to be permanently dormant after Carter mangled her heart, but here, now, it all seems to be rushing back, filling her with a nameless, irrefutable urge.

Nicky pulls his lips from her and Kaylie almost whimpers from suddenly losing the sweet taste of the plum on his lips. Because he was raised better than to take advantage of a vulnerable girl, Nicky shakes his head and moves away from her, pressing his back into the kitchen counter to get away. And despite his logic and his reason, Nicky finds himself drawn to her like no one else. It's almost a strong, magnetic pull, immense and all consuming.

"Kaylie, don't."

"Then say it like you mean it," she whispers fiercely. Kaylie stands on the tips of her toes and lets her hand rest on firm shoulders, pulling him into a deep kiss. Nicky can't help himself anymore, kissing her back and locking an arm around her waist to bring her closer.

The kisses are different this time – urgent and needy. It's evident that during the time spent apart, both have been suppressing so much and keeping it all in and now they've found the perfect outlet. One moment they're in the kitchen and the next she's pinned between Nicky and the back of his bedroom door. She grabs the hem of his t-shirt and yanks it off over his head, letting the fabric pool at their feet. With one swift step, his body is flush against hers and she's desperately clinging to the tight, godly muscles of his back. His mouth skims dangerously over the hollow of her throat and they're so close he feels the moan reverberate through her. The electrical charge of his naked skin against hers ignites something deeper, feral.

Kaylie's sure when her father told her not to give up on love, Alex Cruz didn't anticipate his daughter to be here in Nicky Russo's bedroom mere hours later. Still, his words were the last little push she needed. She loves Payson, she really does, but distancing herself from Nicky had been one of the most masochistic things she's ever done. She simply can't resist it any longer. She needs him. She needs to stop hurting him and herself.

"N—Nicky, I—I've never done this before," she breathily confesses.

Nicky halts all the touching and the tasting as fear creeps up into him along with her words. The yearning that's invaded his mind so swiftly, clears somewhat and is replaced with apprehension. Nicky worries about his sense of control that seems almost nonexistent at this point.

Kaylie must see him falter. Her swollen, coral lips curve into a warm, regretless smile. Nicky's immediately thrown for a moment by her honesty, the open vulnerability she's sharing with him and the way she's completely flustered because she feels it too – the intensity trading and transferring between them.

Even more surprising is when his own voice meets his ears. "Me neither."

Sporting a wide smile, Kaylie smoothes the pad of her thumb against his bottom lip before dragging her hand down the side of his face and letting her fingers rest at the nape of his neck. She leans down and presses a kiss to his lips, this time softer and slower. This time it's less frantic, more tender.

"Wait," Nicky breathes against her lips. He lets his hands fall to her shoulders, holding her back, using every last ounce of his self-control to keep his lips from her. "There's something I need to tell you…before things get too far."

Kaylie laughs. "Russo..."

"No. Seriously, Kaylie…"

"What is it?" she asks delicately. If it weren't so dark in his room, he'd see her waver as she rests against the back of his door, a visible spike of fear and doubt in her dark eyes.

"I'm going to train in Denver," he says nervously, trying to ignore the way she tenses beneath his hands. With the deadly silence that follows, Nicky wishes he can go back a few seconds to where he was in the process of unzipping her sweater.

His words seem to bring her back to her right mind with a startling jolt. Wide-eyed, Kaylie presses her hands hard against his bare chest, finally realizing how trapped she is and hating it. She pushes him away and Nicky takes the hint, stumbling backwards and giving her space. Kaylie shakes her head profusely, partly to show him she cannot believe this is happening and also to try and finally rid her clouded mind of that haze of desire.

"No," Kaylie says strongly. Her voice is hoarse and throat raw. "That's a sick joke, Nicky."

"I'm not joking," he says, running his hand over his face. Nicky did plan on telling her, but he didn't plan for it to be tonight and certainly not in this way. "Kaylie, you need to understand…"

He reaches out for her, but it's Kaylie's turn to be distant, to push him away with a single look.

"Kaylie, I..."

"No, I get it," she says with striking grace. She should be pouting right about now, but as his eyes adjust to the darkness and he can make out most of her features, Nicky just stares at Kaylie staring blankly at him. "Tell me, would tonight have made you stay?"

Nicky hates how honesty is always the wrong answer. "No. I still would have gone."

As his voice dies, Kaylie makes it obvious that she doesn't intends on continuing this conversation. Nicky on the other hand, he wants to say something. The impulse to try and explain or justify is there and his tongue itches to try and sooth this situation, but it seems his mind isn't all there and still having a hard time catching up. Regardless, their eyes stay locked the entire time.

"I need to go," she says, resoluteness mixed with pain. Nicky takes two quick steps forward and reaches out for her, but she slips through his fingers and out the door. He debates chasing after her, but knows nothing he can say or do will make her stay. She's already made up her mind.

Stealing long strides across the room, Nicky moves through the shadows and to the window, watching as Kaylie literally sprints back to her car and drives away. He holds his breath till the hum of her car's engine dies off in the distance and silence returns to the neighborhood.

Something foreign simmers deep within Nicky, part dissatisfaction and majority self-degradation. Irritated with himself and the loss of a good friend and almost lover, Nicky slams his fists into his bedroom wall. Everything shakes and when a trophy falls from his bookshelf, Nicky doesn't even attempt to pick it up. He honestly can't bring himself to care right now. All he can think of is Kaylie probably crying on her drive home and this time it's his fault.

If either learns anything from tonight, it's that when it comes to each other, that self-control they've worked all their lives to build up can crumble into self-destruction within seconds.


	13. A Breakthrough

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

**Author's note: **So I read all the chapters of the Diff, one to thirteen, and this story is _depressing_! Haha. I want to thank everyone for being patient. You're the best. Now enjoy!

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Thirteen: A Breakthrough **

Kaylie feels like the biggest hypocrite in the universe.

With the press of her thumb against a button, her phone sends off a single text message. Her fingers loosen and her phone falls to the floor of her bedroom as she burrows beneath the covers. She texts Summer to tell Sasha that she won't be going in today because she's sick. She doesn't even get up for breakfast. With trails of dried tears on her cheeks, Kaylie shuts her swollen eyes tight and reminds herself to keep breathing.

The other day had been a practice with the national team. Kaylie had gone through the motions, but her heart wasn't in it. To be honest, it's hard to tell if she still has one of those. It's obvious how the committee members stare at her and her national teammates send her sideward glances. It's not concern, which Kaylie is happy about. However, she can tell it's dissatisfaction in their eyes and that's even worse.

Now she can't go back. The shame mixed in with her lack of willpower is a deadly combination. She doesn't have her dad here to push her. She doesn't have Nicky to tell her how idiotic she's being. She barely has a conscience anymore. They all thought she was broken before. There isn't a word to describe how she's feeling or the state she's in. There's one that isn't a perfect fit, but it does come close – dead.

The desire to indulge in chocolate and ice cream is strong, overwhelming even, but Kaylie can't bring herself to binge. If anything, the emptiness in her belly compliments the emptiness in her soul and her heart. The only part of her that doesn't feel empty is her head. She keeps thinking. Her thoughts are racing to the point where she can't fall asleep. Kaylie just stays completely still in bed as the day passes by.

She feels like a complete hypocrite for judging and degrading her mother when now she's doing the exact same thing. She's moping and crying over a boy, a stupid, gymnastics-driven android of a boy. She's also been left behind. Her father walked out on her, Carter cheated on her and now Nicky is gone too. It almost doesn't seem fair.

Kaylie knows for a fact that Nicky is gone already. He came by to try and say a proper goodbye, but Kaylie just stood by the window and watched as Leo threatened to call the cops if he didn't leave. She couldn't bring herself to talk to him, too humiliated and angry over how he let her make a fool of herself when he was always going to leave. Most of all, Kaylie knew she'd end up begging him to stay or exploding and neither reaction would make things right.

There's a knock on her door and Kaylie doesn't even react.

"Kaylie, sweetie, if you're sick enough to miss practice today, we should really get you to see the doctor," her mom announces through the door. Kaylie groans and curls her body into a tighter ball. "Kaylie, if you let a sickness fester it'll only get worse and affect your gymnastics. Now, I can make an appointment with Doctor—"

"Mom, I just want to be left alone!" she shouts back. Her throat is scratchy and her voice sounds like a dying animal. Kaylie hears the click of her bedroom door opening and she curses herself for not remembering to lock it.

"Kaylie," her mother says gently. There's a shuffle of feet against the waxed floorboards and Kaylie presses her face hard into the nearest pillow. "Kaylie, there's a visitor downstairs. Maybe a little visit will make you feel better."

"Tell whoever it is to go away," Kaylie cries. "Mom, I need to rest if I want to get better."

Kaylie can already imagine the expression on her mother's face, ready to call her bluff. She doesn't even have to look to know that her mom is back to wearing only the most expensive outfits and painting her face with colored eye shadows and the brightest lipsticks. She's been going to her therapy sessions religiously and they seem to be helping. Kaylie still can't wrap her head around how talking to a complete stranger about private family matters can help, but if it helps Ronnie then by all means no one is going to stop her.

"Sweetie, you should at least eat something," Ronnie urges her.

"I will. Later," Kaylie lies almost flawlessly.

"Alright," Ronnie says softly. Kaylie feels a hand on the back of her head and her body goes rigid. It takes her by surprise and she can already picture her mom's frown. "Honey, is this about Nicky?"

Kaylie feels her chest tighten and the tears prickle at her eyes.

Not again. No. She promised herself she wouldn't cry over him. Not anymore.

"Mom, I really don't want to talk about that," Kaylie says as calmly as she could possibly say something. "If anything, I'd rather you goad me about not eating. Anything, but that spineless loser."

"Kaylie—"

"Can you please just go?" she asks. Kaylie's voice is tight and she's trying to keep from exploding or whining. Usually she's prone to both. "I just want to rest. Please, mom."

"Okay. Feel better," Ronnie says, leaning down to kiss the top of her daughter's head. Silence follows, the door clicks closed and Kaylie finally lets up the tension in her body. She's back to being alone with her thoughts.

Kaylie hates how everything reminds her of him. The prom dress hanging across her room, the stars stuck to her ceiling and even her thumbs. Just lying in bed makes her think of how he should be lying beside her, calling her lazy and trying to convince her to workout with him. Instead, Kaylie is answered by silence. It just makes her sigh and curl into herself even more.

The rest of the day is spent drifting in and out of consciousness. One minute she's sleeping and the next minute she's awake. Her vision is foggy and she mentally argues with herself, trying to figure out whether she was actually asleep when she thought she was sleeping. Her head is one big haze, but Kaylie's okay with that. It makes it harder to think of him.

Later in the day, Ronnie calls out, saying that Kaylie has visitors. It's plural this time.

Kaylie only groans and shouts that she wants to be left alone. That doesn't stop the door from loudly flying open and someone jumping onto her bed, shaking the entire thing and making Kaylie groan in displeasure. For someone labeled "spoiled" she doesn't seem to be getting anything she wants as of late.

"Seriously, Kay, Sasha wants to kick your skeletal ass."

Kaylie groans again and prays to God that this is just another figment of her imagination. She shifts beneath her sheets and feels the bed shake even more. Peeking out from beneath her eyelids, Kaylie's worst fear is confirmed at the sight of the petite blonde perched on the foot of her bed, bouncing up and down. The only way this could be worse is if it was Leo back for round two, trying to force-feed her the chef-prepared breakfast her brother is such a fan of. The one saving grace of the situation is the tall dark-haired girl meekly standing by the door.

"What are you guys doing here?" Kaylie asks tiredly. Had it only been Lauren, Kaylie would be close to shouting, but Emily hasn't done anything to deserve to see her full-on bitch side. Really, if we're talking lately, neither has Lauren, but there's just something about the blonde that wordlessly provokes her.

"Thought we'd give you a heads up. The Committee isn't too happy and neither is Sasha and our lovely teammates," Lauren explains. "It doesn't look too good that our supposedly number one gymnast performs isn't up to speed in front of the Committee and doesn't show the next practice. If you ditched a national team practice there would have been hell to pay."

"I'm sick," Kaylie says simply. She pulls the sheets up over her shoulders and snuggles into her bed. "I texted Sum—"

"Yeah. She showed me. Who do you think send us to check on you?" Lauren interrupts. "Funny. It was an exact replica of the text messages you used to send us when you were breaking plans with us to hang out with Carter. You even suck at lying via text."

Kaylie rolls her eyes. "Believe me, Lo. This is _not_ about Carter and I'm _not_ lying."

"Kaylie," Emily says, venturing deeper into her room. There's this softness to the new girl, something in her eyes and the way she carries herself. She radiates such a sense of understanding and warmth. Kaylie's fingers dig into the sheets and curls inwards as she desperately tries to restrain herself. She knows to keep her guard up, especially when Emily asks, "Is this about Nicky?"

Kaylie really shouldn't be surprised when she feel herself crumble at the sound of his name, it's all she seems to do lately.

"No, and why do people keep asking me that?" Kaylie spits venomously. "Why would me being sick have anything to do with him?"

Innocently, Emily replies, "I don't know, but lately I've noticed you guys, well, getting pretty close and with him going to Denver—"

"Oh my God!" Lauren squeals. Kaylie knows that sound. It's the one Lauren made at first sight of the tabloids and after the open house. "I knew it! Kaylicky is legit! See! And everyone thought I was crazy! Ha!"

"No. Wrong. Nicky and I aren't anything," Kaylie says quickly. She sits up to face her teammates and her blankets that have been acting as her cocoon, her armor, fall away. "We won't be anything either."

"But you were," Emily says softly. "Or you wanted to be?"

Kaylie slowly lowers herself back down to the mattress and curls up again in the same way she did when Ronnie tried to talk to her earlier this morning. She can't talk to anyone about this. Usually when she's feeling this conflicted and unhappy, she goes to Nicky. Now she doesn't have that option and she doesn't know whom to turn to. Emily could be that person, maybe, but not with Lauren Tanner in the room.

Suddenly the melody of a lame pop song plays and Lauren quickly digs into her oversize, leather designer tote. She pulls forth her cell phone and a grin brightens her entire face.

"Lauren, no!" Emily yells, panicked. "Tell him no. You can't do whatever or meet him wherever. You need to drop me off at the Pizza Shack before I miss my shift."

"Relax," Lauren mutters, texting on her phone. "I'm meeting Carter there anyways. His shift ends in thirty." Lauren stops a moment and tentatively looks up to find Kaylie staring out into space. "So Carter told me he talked to you. Now that you know and we're official, we're cool right?"

Emily glares. "Real tactful, Lauren. Do you really think now is the right time to talk about it?"

"It seems like now or never since it looks like our National Champ isn't returning to the Rock any time soon," Lauren says. Emily shoots her a glare and Kaylie just sighs. "What? I'm just stating the obvious."

"I'm not retiring. I'm sick," Kaylie hisses. "I told you. I'm done with boys and relationships and love. I'm all gymnastics now."

"Sure. That's why you've been performing poorly and you've even resorted to skipping practices. Hmm, if you keep telling people that and you keep telling yourself that then maybe it'll be true," Lauren says. She presses her lips together and they curl at the corners, as she whispers, "But probably not."

Emily sighs. "Lauren—"

"Why are you doing this?" Kaylie asks. She can feel her anger building.

Lauren scoffs. "I should be asking you the exact same thing. You're the one practically pushing us, your friends, out the door. I'm trying here, Kaylie, but we can't help you if you don't want it. Now, this can either be a one-sided intervention or an honest conversation. It's your pick, Princess."

Kaylie sharply turns towards Lauren and gives her the deadliest glare she's even focused on another human being. "Don't call me that. Ever. And cut out the bullshit. I know you've been itching to bitch me out so now's your chance. Tell me how much of a selfish little brat I am. Talk about how perfect I am and how the universe just gives everything to me and how I've never suffered like you or Payson or Emily. It isn't like I haven't heard it a million times before, but if that's what it takes for you to leave me the hell alone, then go right ahead."

Now Kaylie's sitting up and looking right over at blonde towards the bottom of her bed. She grits her top row of teeth against the bottom and her forehead is creased with eyes narrowed into slits. Lauren looks taken aback for a moment, but she quickly pulls herself together like she always seems to do in these sorts of situations. Emily carefully makes her way over to the bed until she's sitting at Kaylie's side, not knowing what to say, but confident she's positioned where she's supposed to be.

"I just want things to be back to normal," Lauren says, sounding low and almost vulnerable. "Kaylie, we used to be best friends. Now I feel like I don't even know you right now. Things are good between you and Carter. You forgave him. Why can't you forgive me?"

"God, Lo, I'm over this," Kaylie cries irritably. "This is not about you and me. This isn't about Carter!"

"But it is about Nicky," Lauren counters. Kaylie immediately deflates. Just at the simple mention of him, she feels herself go completely weak like she's just had the wind knocked out of her. She leans back against the wooden headboard of her bed and struggles to keep from crying.

"Kaylie, you can't do this," Lauren says with a sigh. "Believe me, if anyone understands what you're going through with this whole you/Nicky/Payson thing, it's me, you know, with our whole me/Carter/you thing. I was there once and it sucks, but just because things didn't work out with a boy doesn't mean you drop out of life. You still have gymnastics, but not if you keep doing what you're doing. Do you think Nicky's in Denver moping around? No. Now, you need to start acting like the National fucking Champion you are and come back."

Shaking her head, Kaylie shuts her eyes tight. "It isn't that easy, Lo."

"Well, that's life, Kay," Lauren says in return. "You know how we always promised each other that we'd never turn into our moms? Well, you're looking really Ronnie Cruz right now. And you know I love your mom, but even she knows that you're worth more than this so get off your ass and get back to work."

"Oh, real nice pep talk, Lauren," Emily says, glaring. "We're supposed to be here showing our support, not lecturing her."

The blonde simply shrugs. "What? This is what Kaylie needs right now. We don't talk about feelings and have a group cry or any of that other girly Taylor Swift bullshit. We just need to hit the floor or the beam or the bars. We do what we do best – gymnastics – and everything else just doesn't seem as important. It's the least complicated thing we have in our lives. There's no use denying it. You both know I'm right."

And no one argues with Lauren because she does have a point. He may have lost the boy, but she has her career to think about. It may not be healthy to use gymnastics as an outlet instead of talking, but it's both a stress creator and a stress reliever. At times it's tested her limits, but other times it's provided her with an escape from her day-to-day life. Gymnastics has taught her to focus her pain and energy with positive outcomes. After all, she isn't the National Champion for nothing.

"You're right," Kaylie says softly.

There's an "I am?" and a "she is?" simultaneously from Lauren and Emily.

"So you'll be in tomorrow?" Lauren asks hopefully.

Kaylie nods. "Wouldn't miss it."

"Good." Lauren smiles successfully. "Well, rest up, _sickly. _Em, I think it's about time to hit up the Pizza Shack. Seriously, Kay, if you don't show bright and early tomorrow, I'm barging in here and dragging your ass all the way to the Rock."

"Just try to get some rest, okay?" Emily says, smiling sympathetically. Kaylie just nods. "And if you need someone to talk to, you have my number."

"For sure," Kaylie says stiffly. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Lauren heads to the door, texting away on her phone, but Emily hangs back a bit longer.

"Oh, and Payson has been trying to reach you," Emily says. Kaylie swallows hard, flashing back to the last time she and Payson were face-to-face. "She really wanted to come with, but she had a meeting with her physical therapist this afternoon. It sounded like she really wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah, I'll be sure to give her a call," Kaylie says. She's told so many lies today that she can hardly keep track anymore. "Thanks for dropping by. I really appreciate it."

With one last shy smile and a wave, Emily disappears out the door.

When Kaylie hears the roar of Lauren's tiny car and the squeak of the tires against the driveway, Kaylie just lies back in her bed. She's still having a bit of trouble believing all that just happened. Lauren Tanner and Emily Kmetko, complete opposites and "frienemies" (it's how Lauren described them once) join forces out of concern for Kaylie Cruz. Anyone that knows them would agree it's a little more than farfetched, but it all went down in her bedroom and it isn't something Kaylie can just pretend never happened.

It shows they care. It's proof that _someone_ cares.

Now there isn't anything (except maybe a dark-haired, dark-eyed android boy) that Kaylie wants more than to get back into a gym. She misses the accelerated beat of her heart, the strain on her muscles and the careful calculations that demand every ounce of her attention. She's ready to throw herself back into gymnastics. Lauren's right. Her sport, her career is the one thing she actually has the power to hold on to and she's ready to fight now.

Quickly changing into a pair of shorts and a sports bra, Kaylie grabs her iPod and sticks the buds into her ears. She slips her feet into a pair of running shoes and she pulls her hair up in a tight, high ponytail. The sun is setting on the city and Kaylie takes off down the street, jogging at an almost leisurely pace. She picks up speed as she goes up the hill, easily conquering the incline.

(She tries to ignore the fact that she runs by Nicky's deserted mansion.)

((Three times.))

Stopping at the park that's almost exactly between her house and his, Kaylie takes a break. He heart is hammering in her chest and her entire body is buzzing. She doesn't know how long she had been gone, but it's nearly pitch black out, other than the stars in the clear night sky and the soft orange glow from the streetlights. Suddenly, the little black devices pop out of the ground and water starts shooting all across the fields. Standing a safe distance from the sprinklers, Kaylie doesn't even smile.

"He's tainted everything," Kaylie murmurs to herself. She stretches her calves a bit and then starts on her slow walk back to her house. She's in no hurry to get home, knowing she'll just be greeted with questions and pity.

When she finally reaches the Cruz castle, all the lights are off and Leo's car is missing from the driveway. All Kaylie wants is to take a shower and try to actually get some sleep tonight. She has an early morning tomorrow and not to mention talking to Sasha about why she skipped a day. She can already hear his preaching and she knows she'll end up coming in on a Sunday to practice. Even if Sasha doesn't demand it, Kaylie's so determined she'll volunteer to.

Just as Kaylie's about to go inside, she gets distracted. There's light coming from the side of her house, where the old garden used to be. Her curiosity gets the best of her and Kaylie walks down the stone path that is now lined with lights. She almost gasps when she sees that someone has restored the garden to its former glory that it once held when she was a child.

It's beautiful, a mixture of different sized stones with healthy greenery sprouting from the ground. There has to be at least ten different shades of green mixing together with the different plants that grow close together. There are slashes of color – mostly reds, oranges, yellows and pinks. Everything looks newly planted.

"_Kaylie, there's a visitor downstairs. Maybe a little visit will make you feel better." _

"_Tell whoever it is to go away…"_

Mrs. Nora. It had to be. Ronnie Cruz couldn't have done this one alone or even with Leo's help. It's too clean of a job and professional. It had to be her nanny.

Something in Kaylie twists with regret as she thinks about how she had unknowingly passed up a visit with one of her favorite people in the world. Revitalizing the garden would have been one thing that could have got Kaylie out of bed this morning. Then again, while planting, Mrs. Nora would have probably gotten Kaylie to tell her everything and Kaylie isn't sure she's ready for that yet.

All sense of hope and serenity she feels strolling through the garden completely disappears when she looks at the patch of flowers at her feet – red tulips. They're still young, just starting to bloom, but already the pedals are a deep, vibrant shade. Kaylie falls to her knees and carefully picks one of the flowers, delicately running her fingers over the pedals as she pulls them off, one by one.

_"And to show my undying gratitude, a flower for you, milady… Mrs. Nora, she, uhh, told me it's your favorite."_

_"Of course she would…Thank you, milord."_

It doesn't really register in her head until she has the shovel in her hands and she's driving the iron blade into the dirt with the heel of her foot. Kaylie easily uproots the patch of red tulips, leaving a hole there, like the one in her chest. She grabs the flowers – stems, roots and all – and unsympathetically drags them away. She tosses the red tulips into the giant trashcan on the side of the house and slams the lid shut.

Then Kaylie makes her way up to her bedroom where she rips down every one of the glowing stars on her ceiling. She sits there, alone, in complete darkness, but this time she doesn't cry. Not a single tear.

…

"You know...she's a mess without you."

Right when Nicky thinks he's found his own secret hideaway, an all too familiar voice proves him wrong. Halfway through some benefit dinner, he started feeling claustrophobic, surrounded by tipsy, rich people and lights that were too bright. Nicky politely excused himself and walks out to get some fresh air. Now, standing out on the patio, he leans against a pillar and breathes, loosening the top two buttons of his nice dress shirt.

Nicky looks up from the empty inbox of his cell phone to see Kelly Parker approaching him. She's wearing a short, strapless dress instead of her usual pride and glory National Team jacket and her hair is set in an elegant up-do instead of her usual trademark buns. She looks older, less childlike and certainly more dangerous. Her heels clink against the pavement as she makes her way towards him.

Nicky has his reasons for moving to Denver – mostly his gymnastics career and to keep himself in check. Becoming best friends with the one non-Rock girl that completely embodies drama isn't one of those reasons. He doesn't want to talk to her. He doesn't want to talk to anyone other than Marty, not at Denver Elite, not outside. Not ever.

"Walk away, Kelly."

"You sure don't waste any time." Kelly scowls. "Rude much? I'm sure your dad raised you better than this."

"What could we possibly have to say to each other?" Nicky asks sharply. He jams his cell phone into the pocket of his black slacks and when Kelly comes closer, Nicky steps away. "I'm here, training in Denver. Isn't that enough for you people?"

Nicky turns to leave, go home, sleep.

"No one forced you to come here!" Kelly shouts after him. She moves faster than he'd anticipated, especially in those heels. "Listen. Denver Elite isn't some second-rate version of the Rock. We're damn good and you straight up suck. Your attitude. Your technique. Your ambition. It's either invisible because I sure as hell can't see it, or nonexistent. If anything, you're just a second-rate version of yourself and it's pissing everyone off. You walk in and automatically Marty makes you his Golden Boy yet your performance says you don't even deserve it. And Kaylie performing like shit makes the National Team look bad."

Nicky tries to keep a straight face. Just at the mention of the current National Champion, an image of her passes through his head. He sees her peering out from behind her curtains, looking down at him from her bedroom window. She looked like a ghost, barely even there. His insides clench, knowing he had some part in making her this stranger, the shell of the girl she once was. He himself broke within the eighth of a second it took for her to turn away from him and never look back.

Nicky tries his best to compose himself, realizing Kelly is still eyeing him. "And why would it be my fault that the National Champ is slipping?"

"As if it isn't completely obvious," Kelly says. "The way you were staring at her all the time at the Rock. The sudden change in gyms. Your fall from grace and hers. You obviously had a thing and it obviously didn't work out. Duh."

Nicky groans. "You're unbelievable."

Kelly grins. "I'm right, aren't I? I'm kind of surprised, Nick. I could name a dozen gymnasts that I'd expect this from, Kaylie included, but never you."

"What angle are you trying to play here?"

"No angle," she argues.

"So I'm supposed to believe you're telling me all this because you genuinely care and not to blackmail me and/or Kaylie?" Nicky asks. He knows this girl. He might have slipped up once, concerning two blondes and some cortisone and again with a princess, dealing in a game of broken hearts, but Nicky isn't about to press his luck a third time.

"Wow. Paranoid? Someone has spent a little too much time around Lauren Tanner." Kelly laughs. "Believe what you want, Nick. I can't stop you. I just have a question."

"Make it quick, Parker. We're missing a party," he says unenthusiastically.

"Was it worth it?" Kelly asks. She looks down at their feet, almost bashfully. "Being with her, I mean. Was it, like, worth going through? Like if you could go back and not cross that line, would you? Or would you do it the same all over again?"

Nicky really doesn't know how to react, let alone answer. He's never seen this side of Kelly Parker, at least, not in years. Shuffling a bit, Nicky looks down at his expensive, leather shoes, wondering what game Kelly's trying to play. Then again, it could just be the fact that he is indeed paranoid.

"Not exactly the same," he finally answers.

"But you would?" she asks eagerly. "So Kaylie Cruz wasn't a mistake?"

"No. Never," Nicky says. It's one of the few things he's sure of these days. "She was worth it."

"So what happened? Why did you break up?"

Nicky chuckles and puts his hands up. "No. We aren't having this conversation."

"Nick, you've been in Denver how long now? Not once have I seen you talk to anyone and I'm betting you and Doctor Daddy don't go home every night and have father-son bonding talks," Kelly says with a little laugh. "You _so_ want to tell me."

"No."

Kelly crosses her arms and glares. Nicky knows he's in for it now.

"What?" he asks, _definitely_ paranoid now, but trying hard not to show it.

"If you don't tell me, the next media junket I go to, I'll tell them that all the condoms your girlfriend and her little army of skanks put in my gym bag at Nationals were _ours_ as in yours and mine," Kelly says, grinning wickedly. Nicky gulps loudly and the color drains from his face. "I can see the headlines now. Move over Kaylicky, Nickelly coming through. Trouble in Boulder, Sparks in Denver. Ha. It's your call, Nick."

"Why do you even care?"

"Nicholas Russo, how can you even ask that?" Kelly gasps dramatically and presses a hand to her chest. "As one of your oldest and dearest friends, how can I not care?"

Nicky looks at her like he still doesn't trust her. It isn't like she's given him reason to. He distinctly remembers an incident involving a broken vase, her crying her eyes out and him somehow getting blamed for breaking it when he wasn't even in the room.

"Spill," Kelly huffs, losing her patience. "Come on. You are the closest thing to normal, hormonal teenage retardation I get. Lord knows me and the Denver prudes aren't dumb enough to try and date a high-maintenance gymnast."

"It isn't like that and we were never together. We could have been, but we chose not to be. It was hard being around each other and Marty practically begged so I came to Denver," Nicky says plainly. He gives a shrug at the disappointed look on Kelly's face. "What? I'm serious. That's it. I'm sorry my life isn't some whirlwind romance novel for your entertainment."

"God, you people are stupid," Kelly snorts. "Can't you see that your emotions are making you crappy gymnasts? You should just hook up, get it done, be all happily ever after and go to work to bring home the gold. It's that simple, Nick. I could write you a step-by-step plan if that would be easier. Apparently you and your little girlfriend aren't very bright."

"Does everything you say have to be laced with an insult?" he wonders aloud.

"Who do you think you're talking to?" she laughs. "I'm Kelly Parker."

Point taken.

"Why are you telling me all this?" Nicky asks. "What do you get out of it?"

Kelly sighs. "If you say this to anyone, I will run you out of the gymnastics community, but…Kaylie Cruz is actually a descent addition to the national team. She's good, not as good as me, obviously, but I can only carry the team so much. I'd rather her than that whore, Lauren Tanner, or the trailer trash, Emily whatever. Kaylie isn't as good as Payson, which means she isn't as good as me, but she does bring in big scores. It's war tactics, Nick. It's as simple as that."

Nicky stares off into the dark, trying not to look as shocked as he feels. "So she did that bad at practice, huh?"

"It was pathetic," Kelly says harshly, "Like watching a mouse trying to escape a glue trap."

"I don't know what to do," he admits. "I tried to say goodbye and she wouldn't even let me near her. You think things like this have simple solutions? That girl is anything, but simple."

"Nick, you're such a nerd," Kelly chides. "Girls aren't like the Pythagorean Theorem. You can't just plug in necessary numbers and expect to come to some clean, rounded answer. Relationships are tough which is why you're an idiot for even getting involved in the first place."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

"But you did choose to get involved and from the sound of it, you'd make the same mistakes over and over with Kaylie Cruz," Kelly says. Before she can continue, her dad comes out on the terrace, insisting she return to the party. When he spots Nicky, Dr. Parker raises his brows and insists Nicky go back inside too. "My future might be riding on your love life, Nick. Fix it."

"I'll try."

"No. You will or you'll regret it."

Kelly grabs him roughly by the arm and starts dragging im back inside. The press of a button illuminates the screen of his cell phone and Nicky's first thought is to text Kaylie. A hundred characters in, Nicky shakes his head and discards the entire thing. He shoves his phone back into his pocket as they return to their seats. As much as he tries to concentrate on the small talk his father is making with the mayor and his wife, Nicky can't seem to stop thinking about his conversation with Kelly.

At the end of the night when he says goodnight to his father and heads to his room, Nicky knows exactly how he's going to go about cushioning Kaylie's fall. It may not "fix" things like the instantaneous results Kelly demanded, but it's the most sincere thing Nicky can think to do.

That night, he forgoes sleep, takes out a piece of paper and a pen and begins writing.


	14. A Little Guidance

**Disclaimer: **I arrange the words, but own nothing.

**Warning:** I'm not known for finishing what I start. Is that a chance you're willing to take?

* * *

**The Difference Between**

**Chapter Fourteen: A Little Guidance **

Kaylie doesn't know what to think when she sees a pile of mail near the house phone and finds a letter addressed to her from Denver – from Nicky.

Having to make her way to the gym for the day, Kaylie just goes to her car, tosses the crisp envelope onto the passenger seat and tries not to think about it too much. That was weeks ago. A pile has formed where that first letter fell. There has to be a good fifteen of them, all the same size and all the same squiggly, boyish handwriting on the front.

Kaylie and Nicky haven't spoken in weeks. She can't even count how many missed calls she has from him, how many times her phone rang and let it go to voicemail. If she's being honest with herself, Kaylie's desperate to just hear his voice, to know how he's doing and what he's doing, but she just can't bring herself to answer. He never leaves a voicemail either, but Kaylie can't say that's a big surprise.

"_Nicky, I left you a voicemail to meet me at the Rock! What? Did you just ignore it?"_

"_Don't flatter yourself, Princess. I don't _do_ voicemail." _

"_Why not? It's there for a reason." _

"_Because then I have to listen to the robotic woman's voice telling me what to do and take the time to memorize a password and then enter the password every time I want to listen to someone yell at me about missing their call. It's just inconvenient and annoying. Next time, text me." _

A fond smile draws itself across her lips at the distant memory. It completely disappears when she realizes that she's caught herself thinking about him and it isn't the first time.

Kaylie had stupidly thought that she'd forget Nicky once enough time has passed. Slowly, she would forget his face, forget the crooked way he grins and how his hair is always messy but still attractive, just the right spikiness in the back with no hair product and no time devoted to its perfect state of disarray. She would forget the sound of his voice – the unintentional Dark Knight impersonation. She would eventually forget the feel of his hands and the taste of his lips. Kaylie may forget all of this one day, but lately it's as vivid as if he left yesterday.

Looking at the screen of her phone (no new messages) Kaylie thinks he might have given up on reaching her via technology and resorted to the pile of letters on her passenger seat.

She can't say she hasn't thought of returning his calls and texts. It can't hurt to just send him a '_hey'_ or a '_how are you?' _She always told herself that they were strictly friends and their friendship would be placed up above everything. Things were so black and white in the beginning. Nicky and Payson were meant to be. Kaylie was meant to stay away from Carter. Nicky was helping Kaylie with her training and Kaylie was helping Nicky with Payson. Then somehow without them realizing, everything started to blur.

"You're sixteen, Kales. It might not feel like it, but this is normal," Leo told her the other day, finding her in the garden, staring at the only imperfection, the spot where she dug up the red tulips. "You're just a kid. Kids can't help, but play in the grey areas of a black and white world."

Kaylie had smiled faintly and asked him when he became so wise. Leo had only grinned and replied that how to shotgun a beer wasn't the only thing he learned in college. He's as nice and supportive as a big brother can be, but Leo's words of wisdom don't keep her thoughts from drifting to Nicky.

Sure, that night in his kitchen might have been really messed up and the last thing he said to her was completely heart wrenching, but even with that, Kaylie knows he has feelings for her and it isn't like hers for him have just disappeared. She simply files all of her baggage away in the back of her head when she's training and she keeps working hard in hopes that she won't have to think of anything but gymnastics.

The arrival of Austin Tucker makes things just a little harder.

Kaylie wouldn't only be lying to herself if she denied that Austin Tucker was hot, but she would be denying fact. There's something about him that's just so intense even though he's, for the most part, easygoing. However, just as Kaylie starts to think Austin Tucker is alluring, he does something (like flirt with the juniors) or the universe does something (who took down her National Champion banner and put up that Welcome Austin Tucker one?) that reminds her to stay away.

Sometimes Kaylie even finds herself comparing him to Nicky. Austin is tall, dark and handsome while Nicky isn't even six feet tall and his skin is milky (but not as bad as Carter and his Edward Cullen complexion minus the hot factor), but he was just as handsome. Austin is laidback. Nicky is stringent. Austin chases girls while still maintaining spectacular stamina and the title of Olympic gold medalist. Nicky has no social skills and works so damn hard, but still comes in second.

Sometimes Kaylie even finds herself contemplating that Austin took root in the Rock once Nicky left for a reason. Life is practically shoving him in her face, telling her that Austin Tucker is the perfect rebound guy and to take the opportunity presented to her. Her conscience counters that if she did hook up with Austin, he would be her third male Rock gymnast love interest in the last year. What would that say about her?

Even when Austin starts flirting and teasing (because he just can't help himself, he's Austin Tucker) Kaylie goes with her conscience and does not fall for it. She won't be the girl that bounced between three different boys so quickly. Even Kaylie Cruz has more self-respect than that.

"Hey."

Austin gives her a cool nod as he goes to get water from the water cooler. Kaylie blinks and realizes she's still holding her paper cup that's filled to the brim with water that has turned room temperature. She tries to shake the foggy thoughts out of her head and brings the rim to her lips for a sip.

"So in honor of the proverbial water cooler talk," Austin says, addressing her, "What do you think my chances are with Emily Kmetko?"

"Imaginary," Kaylie quickly replies. She takes another sip, looking disinterested.

Austin makes a fuss and clutches his chest. "Ouch. That hurt."

"Trust me, Em has enough boy drama to fill this entire gym. The last thing she needs is you trying to get in on the action," Kaylie says truthfully. "Plus, we totally saw you making out with Georgia Jenkins in your car yesterday. Newsflash, seeing you with other girls, _tons of other girls _is not a turn-on."

Austin winces. "So did Emily look crushed?"

"If by crushed you mean disgusted, yes."

"Damn," Austin grunts. He doesn't look too disappointed as he coolly leans back against the wall behind the water cooler. He leans in, smiling wide. Kaylie can't help, but notice how his smile shows off a little too much of his teeth and his eyebrows don't go up in the right way like…like Nicky does when he smiles. "Hey, you okay? Mesmerized by my smile or what?"

"Or what," Kaylie says, snapping back to reality. She rubs her fingers at the corner of her eyes, trying to focus on the moment at hand. "Wh—what are we talking about again?"

Austin leans in even closer and grins. "My chances with you."

Kaylie doesn't even stop to think or stutter.

"I'm a lesbian. Megan Fox, she's _totally_ hot," Kaylie says in this singsong voice that makes it obvious how bad a liar she is.

"I knew it. You and Lauren, right?"

Kaylie looks away and Austin smirks.

"To be honest, I'm more of an Amanda Seyfried man myself," Austin adds. "I like them looking all innocent. Now that is a total turn-on."

Kaylie shoots him a glare. "Okay, if we're done talking about how you're not getting laid by any elites in this gym, I have to get back to training."

"Wait," Austin says, stopping her. "What about the chick that answers the phones and stuff in the office…Summer?"

"She doesn't believe in premarital sex," Kaylie says, rolling her eyes at the defeated look on Austin's face. "Plus, she dated Lauren's dad, which is more than a little gross and if you made a move and Lo hears about it, she'll literally castrate you."

"And I thought it'd be fun training at the Rock," Austin says, blowing air past his lips in an exaggerated sigh. "Oh, well. What about Payson Keeler? You're still friends with her, huh? Think you could score me a meet and greet? We are friends, aren't we, Cruz?"

"No way to both questions," Kaylie says. She shakes her head from side to side and feels her hair whipping her cheeks. "Honestly, Pay isn't in the best place right now and I think meeting you, Austin Tucker, Olympic gold medalist, would just remind her of everything she's lost."

Swallowing the guilt she feels thick in the back of her throat, eliminating her ability to talk anymore, Kaylie tosses away her paper cup and starts to turn away.

"One last thing," Austin says, staring at the back of her head as she slowly makes her way back to the vault. "Were you talking about me just then or you?"

Kaylie freezes at his words. She literally feels her muscles stop working as his deep voice rings in her ears. Is she that easy to read or is Austin just throwing darts, praying one will hit the target – which it does?

When Kaylie fails to respond, Austin goes on, "It might have been my imagination, Champ, but I think I heard, what is it? Oh yeah, _guilt_ in your voice. When's the last time you visited your supposed friend, huh, Cruz?"

Kaylie tries to forget how the missed calls and text messages that aren't from Nicky are from Payson. Kaylie is yet to reply to a single one, just like how she's yet to even acknowledge Nicky's letters. Somehow her life has become a state of frozen motion, a paradox, the days go on, but she isn't really going anywhere.

Turning around to face her accuser, Kaylie just sees a water cooler. No Austin in sight.

The rest of the day drags on and every time Kaylie catches Austin out of the corner of her eye, she thinks about their brief water cooler conversation. At the end of the day, Kaylie finds herself sitting in her car and texting Payson, praying her oldest friend is too busy tonight.

_Just got out of the gym. You said you wanted to talk? _

Kaylie shuts her eyes and sends off the message.

A moment later comes Payson's reply. _Definitely. My house? _

_I'll be there in ten. _

Despite the roads being clear at this time of night, Kaylie takes even longer to get to the Keeler house. She drives slowly, shaky hands on the wheel and her gaze set straight ahead. When she finally gets there, Kaylie finds Payson sitting outside her house on the front steps of the porch. It's somewhat of a relief to find Payson looks just as nervous as she feels.

"Hey Pay," she calls, getting out of her car.

Payson smiles. "Kaylie! You are not the easiest person to get a hold of."

"Sorry about that. Life has been…hectic lately," Kaylie says sheepishly. "It is so good to see you out of a hospital bed."

"Physical therapy isn't easy, but I can walk again. At the very least I have that to be grateful for," Payson responds.

The thought to go in for a hug is there, lingering in her head while silence settles between them. Payson just coughs into a closed fist and looks down at the wooden steps. Kaylie vetoes the idea of the hug and just slowly lowers herself down onto the step beside Payson. Her heart starts slamming against her ribcage and her mouth is suddenly so dry. Why is this so hard? It's Payson for God's sake!

"I just took my first high school exam earlier this week," Payson says, breaking the silence. Kaylie's ears perk at what Payson is saying, but she's more interested in the way Payson is saying it. There's no bitterness or sadness like back in the hospital. It almost sounds like pride.

"And how do you think you did?" Kaylie asks.

"Aced it," Payson says joyfully, shifting so she's sitting just a little taller than before.

"Of course," Kaylie says, smiling. "Like I'd ever be able to expect anything less."

"High school really isn't that bad." Payson shrugs her shoulders. "I've made great friends. Heather is helping me catch up with everyone else, which means long, intensive study sessions. The teachers are understanding and at least this time I don't have to wear that stupid brace."

"So how is Ike?" Kaylie asks. She knows she's scrambling for conversational topics to keep the conversation alive and to keep from talking about the things she came here to talk about.

"Still Ike," Payson laughs. The sound of her laughter makes Kaylie feel a twinge in her stomach, something like elation. "I've even convinced him to come to a class or two a day. We're just friends."

"Oh."

"So how is everything at the Rock?" Payson asks.

"Fine." Kaylie really doesn't know what else to say. "And how's your family? I haven't seen your mom or Becca around the Rock in a while."

"They're fine," Payson answers.

Cue the awkward silence. It's like a game of Chicken that no one wants to play.

"Listen, Kales, the reason I've been trying to get a hold of you is because… I wanted to apologize for what I said to you at the hospital," Payson says, taking the plunge in a single breath.

Kaylie sighs. "Pay, it isn't—"

"Yes, it is," Payson says strongly. "After everything that we've been through together, for me to take out my anger over my situation on you wasn't very friend-like. And if I somehow messed up any change you and Nicky had to be together, I just want you to know that I didn't mean to. Things were just…all wrong and I didn't know how to handle any of it."

"I get it," Kaylie says. "Really, there isn't anything to apologize for."

"Yes, there is. I do. At first, I'll admit, I was upset because you had my dream, Kaylie. I was really _really_ angry, but then time went by and I realized that the only one I had to be mad at was myself, getting mixed up in the Cortisone and just making bad decisions in general," Payson explains. "I somehow ended up pining all the blame on you when you haven't done anything wrong."

"But I stole Nicky from you," Kaylie says shakily. "I didn't mean to, but…somehow we got close and…you and him clearly had something. I was clearly in the wrong for messing that up."

"Let's be realistic, Kay," Payson says softly. "Yes, I had something with Nicky and it was sweet and nice in the moment, but…so much has happened since then. So much has changed. We're all completely different people. Honestly, I thought you were ignoring me because you finally realized that we don't have anything in common besides gymnastics and now I don't even have that."

"Aww, Payson, we've been best friends since we were kids. That doesn't just disappear overnight," Kaylie mutters. She finally wraps her arms around Payson and hugs her tight. "Kelly Parker and I have gymnastics in common, but you don't see me hugging her on her front porch, do you?"

Payson laughs, hugging her back. "I guess not."

Kaylie sighs. "You know, this entire time I've been so afraid that you hate me."

Payson pulls back enough to tilt her head and blink. "Hate you? What gave you that idea?"

Kaylie chews on her bottom lip. "For one, that hospital visit scared the crap out of me."

Payson laughs a little. "Kaylie, I can tell you that, yeah, the timing was all off when you came to visit me in the hospital and I was feeling sorry for myself and I took it out on you, but I can't hate you for falling in love with Nicky. You both were being honest with me and I can respect that."

Kaylie fully pulls away, startled. "Wait, I—I didn't _fall_ for Nicky."

Payson frowns, noticing the way Kaylie's eyes suddenly darken and how they've completely broken free from contact with one another. Knowing she probably isn't the first to ask, but someone with a better grasp of the views of both sides, Payson asks, "So how have you been doing since he went to Denver?"

"I've become a stronger, more focused gymnast," Kaylie says affirmatively. Payson takes careful notice of how Kaylie's shoulders tense and her hands turn into fists. "To be honest, it was rough at first…Pay, are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Go for it." Payson nods her on. "You look like you could use it, but only if you want to."

Nervously knocking her knuckles against the wooden floorboards, Kaylie debates talking or not. With how devoted she's been to training, Kaylie hasn't talked much to anyone. Other people talk at her a lot and usually she responds just enough to satisfy them or push them away. Kaylie takes in how Payson isn't pushing or prying. She's just left the window open and now it's Kaylie's turn to take a dive.

"He just has me so mixed up in my head," Kaylie admits aloud for the first time. "I understand why he left, I really do, but…it's hard without him. The first few days I was an honest to God wreck. I was literally falling left and right, off the beam, off the bar, eating mat hard and in front of the National Committee and my teammates. I didn't have any energy. I just like crying all the time, but, like you said, time goes on and I'm back, better even."

"Then mission accomplished." Payson nods. "It probably hurt Nicky just as much to leave you, but now you guys can concentrate. It's only two years till the Olympics and then after that you two can come back together and see where things go from there."

Kaylie shakes her head. No. "Actually, I don't see that happening, Pay."

"Why not?"

"He didn't exactly leave on a hopeful note," Kaylie explains vaguely, reluctant to go into detail. "I'd be happy if I never see him and his stupid, lopsided grin ever again."

"Kaylie, you know that isn't true."

"I don't need him," Kaylie says decisively. "I've got you. I've got Em and even Lo seems to be trying this time. Leo is home. My mom is getting help. Things are looking better and better every day. I think we already got through the hard part. The last thing I need is for him to mess everything up."

Payson's frown deepens if possible. "Have you talked to him lately?"

"No." Kaylie stares down at her jumbled fingers. She can feel Payson's eyes on her, just peeling back the protective layers one by one. Payson has always had that affect. When she does something she puts everything she has into it. This moment is no different.

"Kales, what is it?" Payson asks knowingly.

"It's Nicky," she says, nervous and not really knowing why. "He's been…writing me letters, like straight out of the Pony Express days letters, letters that I find in my mail box."

Kaylie carefully looks up at Payson and takes in the staggered look on her blonde friend's face. She sees the corners of Payson's lips going into spasms, trying to fight back a smile. Kaylie's the one who shatters the silence with a girly giggle. Then Payson can't hold back anymore and the two start laughing hysterically, leaning against each other and clutching their aching stomachs.

"Wow. Kay, you sure did a number on him," Payson says when she finally calms down enough to get out coherent words. "So what do the letters say?"

"I don't know." Kaylie shrugs. "I haven't opened them."

"Why not?"

Kaylie stops herself before she says it. _I'm scared. _

"I'm just doing so good," Kaylie says, clinging to the one thing she tells herself every night before she goes to bed and constantly throughout the day. "I don't want anything, especially Nicky Russo, ruining this for me."

"You never know, Kaylie, you could find some closure in those letters."

There are so many reasons to tear open each one, but also reason to simply forget their existence. Fear has been chasing her away for weeks, but the possibility of closure has sparked an interest.

"Payson!" comes Becca Keeler's voice. "Mom says to come in now! You have school tomorrow!"

"How weird does that sound?" Kaylie laughs.

"Trust me, I'm still getting used to it," Payson says. She firmly takes hold of the banister and hoists herself to her feet. Kaylie follows right behind her. "So I'm thinking of visiting the Rock this Saturday."

"You totally should. Sasha and everyone will be happy to see you. Plus, Austin Tucker has been nagging me to introduce him to you," Kaylie says offhandedly.

At the sound of the Olympian's name, Payson's brows furrow and her eyes fill with confusion. She looks downright adorable as she asks, "Austin Tucker is training at the Rock?"

"Exactly. I don't know what Sasha was thinking, letting that slide. You should definitely kick some sense into him on Saturday," Kaylie says. "Austin is a big flirt, but you get used to it. He's harmless. You better watch out, though, he told me himself that he doesn't date gymnasts and he has a thing for innocent-looking blondes."

"Right, because me and Austin Tucker are definitely a possibility," Payson says sarcastically.

The two share another animated laugh before embracing in a hug. Kaylie waves as she backs out of the driveway and Payson returns the gesture from the porch. Kaylie marvels at how much lighter she feels now that she's free from the guilt she's been wearing ever since that time at the hospital. On the drive, Kaylie can't help, but glance once or twice at the stack of letters sitting on the seat next to her.

Sitting out in her driveway, Kaylie takes the first letter, the first one she got and the first one he wrote. She turns the envelope vertically and rips at the corner. Careful in each and every movement, Kaylie rips a strip off the side and looks at the plain white paper within. Gently, she slips the letter out form the envelope and unfolds it in front of her steering wheel.

Slowly, tentatively, Kaylie starts to read.

…

Nicky, got your letters. -Kaylie

After reading the text message aloud, Kelly Parker looks over at Nicky, trying to gage his reaction. It's their designated lunch break and Nicky sits on the blue mats, stretching out his legs. His eyes are on his toes and his face is void of emotion. Kelly can't help, but think how sad and embarrassingly pathetic he looks right now.

"That is how she response after you wrote her a billion cute little letters, not texts, not e-mails, but handwritten, through-the-mail letters?" Kelly asks. "That's all she has to say? It's more like a receipt."

"I didn't write her a billion letters and I wouldn't exactly call them cute," Nicky disagrees. "There was more like eighteen, counting the one I sent this morning."

"So this was your big, grand gesture and she sends you this?" Kelly asks, turning around the phone to show Nicky the screen with the dreaded text. "Wow. Nicholas Sparks totally got it wrong."

"Or maybe I got it wrong." Nicky groans. At least he knows she's still alive. That's a positive. "I know I'll live to regret this, but what do you think, Parks? What would you do?"

"I would grab my hot bestie and bomb Twitter with pictures of me and said bestie so the high-maintenance skank knows what she's missing out on," she replies, and in true Kelly Parker fashion no less.

"And I was right. Remind me never to ask you for advice ever again," Nicky says. "That jealousy stuff won't work on Kaylie. It'll just piss her off and mean that I really have been writing these letters for no reason, especially since I know by 'hot bestie' you mean you."

"You never miss a thing, do you, Nick?" Kelly grins. "Good boy."

Nicky has accepted that he's Kelly Parker's "bestie." What that means, he isn't exactly sure.

"Anyways, do you think you can give me a ride home again?" Kelly asks. She carelessly tosses Nicky's phone to him and he catches it with lightening fast reflexes.

"What happened to Daddy?" Nicky asks mockingly.

From knowing the Parkers for years, Nicky can easily see where Kelly gets her straightforward nature. What he's yet to completely understand is how Kelly and her dad are best friends. When they're together (which isn't often considering how much he works), Kelly and Mr. Parker are all smiles and laughs, inside jokes and telepathy. The warmth and ease is undeniable. Kelly with her stepmother, however, is a completely different story.

"Working late per usual. Apparently he has a huge neurological case. I swear, he's like a kid in a candy store when he talks about tumors and MRIs," Kelly explains. "My car is in the shop. Some bitch keyed it again. The StepMonster was supposed to pick me up, but she just got this new prescription for Paxil or whatever's the hip antidepressant this week and I know for a fact she mixes meds with her alcohol. I refuse to get into a car with that."

"Yeah, I'll drive you home," Nicky says simply.

"Yay!" Kelly says enthusiastically. "I still have that episode of Project Runway on my DVR."

"I'm not staying for that."

"Spice World?"

"No way."

"Nick!" she shouts irritably.

Nicky groans. "Maybe Sunday, okay?"

"Fine," Kelly reluctantly agrees, starting to walk away. "Oh, and by the way, watch that tucked yamawaki. I saw you just before lunch. Marty just has stars in his eyes whenever he looks at you. He failed to mention your knees came apart. Remember, if your knees aren't together then you get deducted."

"Yeah, nice catch. Thanks, Parks."

"God, I don't know what you'd do without me," she says with mock exasperation. "I'll say you're way better off than when you first got here. Then again, back then you were worse than shit sooo..."

"Parker, language," Marty barks, walking over to his two top gymnastics. Kelly gives him a sweet smile that Marty doesn't trust, but doesn't mind. He tosses a Denver Elite hoodie to Nicky who catches it. Russo is stitched in over the heart. He nods to Marty in thanks and Marty nods back before moving on.

"Looks like you're officially one of us," Kelly says. She gives his arm a playful pinch like she always does before moving across the gym, probably going to mess with the other elite girls just for the hell of it.

Nicky isn't quite sure how he became actual friends with Kelly Parker. She fails to forge any real connection with girls in general and all the boys are scared of her. Meanwhile, Nicky having the social skills of a potato means he doesn't connect with the other guys and because he's Kelly Parker's "bestie" all the girls are afraid to talk to him. Nicky and Kelly being friends is baffling, but it works.

Nicky probably wouldn't tell her ever, but Kelly would make a good coach. She's loud, annoying and demanding, but she gets into your head so easily and she'll egg you on until you either break or prove her wrong. Her constant nagging and chiding has restored Nicky to his former glory as the Android gymnast instead of the slacking castoff from the Rock. The guys recognize him as a threat and there's a grudging respect there. What is there to hate about that?

Working with Marty is also a plus, just like he planned. From spending so much one-on-one time together, Nicky recognizes the sadness in Marty. He knows he made mistakes and adult decisions as a result. Marty is a great coach, helping to toughen him physically and also mentally. So far, everything is proving that his departure from the Rock was necessary.

"Hey, Mopey, ready to go?" Kelly asks at the end of the day. Nicky nods and walks beside her as she lets her hair free, combing her fingers through the lush, light brown tresses. "So have you figured out what we're going to do about Kaylie?"

"We?" Nicky snorts. "When did this become a team effort?"

"Well, you are my personal chauffeur," Kelly teases. "The least I can do is help you get laid."

Nicky sighs, knowing not to fight her on her word choice. "There isn't much I can do, is there?"

"Why don't you just drive over there, not like it's far, and tell her that you're sorry you made her feel like a whore that night you almost took her v-card and that you want to be with her?" Kelly lays it out, plain and simple. Nicky almost blushes, realizing just then how much information Kelly actually managed to get out of him about what happened with Kaylie. "It's going to be hella embarrassing, sure, but at least it'll all be out there, right?"

"I'm not…like that," Nicky says uncomfortable. "I not the face-to-face final showdown type."

"Right, because these passive aggressive love letters are really doing it for her," Kelly says in a voice just dripping sarcasm. Nicky unlocks the car and opens her door for her. "Have you tried calling her?"

"Only a million times," Nicky says. He gets in and starts his car, making his way out of the lot.

"Nick, whatever you do don't tell me you sent her that letter about Slutty Stephanie, who's obviously seen one too many episodes of One Tree Hill, naked in your backseat. I told you not to send it, which, in my opinion, was fantastic advice. Just like I told you not to tell her I was your first kiss when we were kids."

"I thought she should know," Nicky says. "About the awkward moment with Stephanie. Now, you attacking me with your lips, I'm smart enough to leave that out. Actually, it was so traumatic I think I've blocked it out completely."

"Shut up. You loved it." Kelly grins. Honestly, they were so young and different it probably shouldn't even count. "Anyways, like I was saying, the last thing any girl wants to hear about is other girls coming on to you. Seriously, we need to marathon rom-coms to school you on how to woo a girl because, frankly, your current technique sucks."

"Can we not talk about this for the rest of the ride home?" Nicky asks. "I'm exhausted and my wrists are killing me. I think we've brainstormed enough for one day."

"Hmm, do I get to choose the radio station?"

Nicky sighs. "Whatever."

"Awesome," Kelly agrees, going straight for the dial of the radio.

This happens more often than not, hanging out with Kelly outside the gymnastics world. Nicky is still debating whether she's more draining to be around when she's barking out how his flares need to be cleaner or when she's singing along to some stupid song on the radio. Still, Nicky knows that for some reason unbeknown to the both of them, they're more willing to open up around each other than the others.

Nicky pulls up in front of Kelly's gigantic glass house where all the lights are off. At first, Nicky sympathized with Kelly having no one to go home to. That is until he found out Kelly actually likes going home to a dark house. While Nicky sees his house as cold and empty, Kelly sees it as calm and safe, somewhere she can be herself without the judgment. They both like being alone a little too much for it to be normal so they make it a point to hang out.

"You need a ride in the morning?" Nicky asks just as Kelly is getting out.

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Have breakfast ready when I get here," Nicky says. He smiles when he gets the reaction he was waiting for and Kelly rolls her eyes.

"As if," she says, but always does. "I'll see you tomorrow, loser."

"Yeah. Goodnight."

Nicky sits there for a moment and watches Kelly make her way to the front door. Once he's certain she's safely inside, he drives to his new home. The place smells a little too new and the way the furniture is arranged is a little too similar to their Boulder house, but Nicky doesn't complain. After all, he only ever goes home to sleep and shower. The rest of the time he's in the gym training or hanging out with Kelly.

Before heading inside, Nicky makes his way to the mailbox like he does every night. He expects a pile of bills to leave on his father's desk, but once he pulls down the little iron door, he finds an envelope with his name neatly written across the front and Kaylie's name in the top corner. Nicky has to blink a few times just to make sure he isn't seeing things. The moment he touches the envelope, he feels his fingertips buzzing with hope and it surges up his arms. She wrote back. At this point, Nicky can't exactly ask for more.

_**Baby steps, he reminds himself, making his way up to his house. At least it's a start.**  
_

* * *

**Author's note: **Nickelly-BFFness is my newest obsession and for a long time I debated introducing Austin or not and finally did it. Sorry KayAus fans, but there will be no triangle. My Austin Tucker is a charming, surprisingly wise bad boy who doesn't want to be Kaylie Cruz's boyfriend. He wants to be _everyone's_ boyfriend…at the same time. Mainly Payson...maybe.

Do you guys want to know what's actually written in the letters or just onward with the story?


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